Brewing a Better Stew: Black Chicks Want White Dicks

The other day I was engulfed in a fascinating conversation about the differences in sexuality and beauty between cultures when my young Nigerian female friend blurted out during our talk, “You know Black chicks want White dicks, right?”

Black Chicks White Dicks


My friend was born in Nigeria and she has two Masters degrees in business and design. She self-identifies as a “Beautiful Black Nigerian Princess” when pressed. Her father is a successful New York insurance salesman. Her mother sells real estate.

I was taken aback a bit — okay, a lot! — when she shouted “Black Chicks Want White Dicks!” at me and so I just stood there with my mouth open — The Whitest Man in America dumbly staring back at her lovely Black Nigerian face — and I didn’t know what to say.

She spoke instead, “Dark Black women like me — so dark we’re purple!
— need White dick. It isn’t a sex thing. It’s a reproduction thing.

It’s a basic need. It’s a genetic demand, if you will.”

If I nodded, I hoped she’d continue talking as I kept trying to think of something to say in response her to argument.

I nodded.

She continued, “The dirty little secret in the Black community is no one really wants to be Black if there’s a choice. Sure, Black is Beautiful when you’re stuck in it, but when you have babies and you’re dark, you want to lighten up your future skins and you can’t do that with a Black man. Black on Black makes Black. You need to mix in some White with the Black to get something new. It’s a science project; a math problem that needs to get solved.

You need some White in you to make lighter babies. It’s art. It’s a promise. It’s a mother’s duty to give her children the best chance at a better life and you do that by getting them less purple at any cost. Even a cultural one.”

I decided to nod again.

She continued on, “No, this isn’t racism. This is fact. The thing about White girls “never going back after they taste Black” is just about sex and it’s tacky. Crass, even. It disgusts me. I’m talking about long-term reproduction here. A higher leaning.

I’m talking about the propagation of future generations and there aren’t a lot of American-born Black women who are brave enough to discuss this out loud. I’m Nigerian and I’ll discuss this with anyone who has an open heart all day long because you convince people with your mind and not your skin color.”

I nodded once.

She continued with even more urgency, “We’re all going to be tawny one day anyway because that’s the nature of beauty and sexuality. We’re all attracted to each other in ways that need to get beyond color — but rarely do — and we have to even out the inequity between White and Black as identifications on the color line first. You do that by mixing colors, not letting them run from you.”

I nodded.

She finished, “Don’t look at me like that! If you think about it, you know it’s true. It’s a hard thing to be this Black in this world. How many of us this dark purple are well-known and successful? Where are my internationally recognized cultural icons? All I see on the news in my color are African despots and murderers on Death Row. I want that example for my babies? I don’t think so! We need to confront the problem straight up and accept that the way to nullify the racial divide is to get rid of the marks separating us. You do that with future generations that are all the same color. The same hue. Similar tones. I don’t call it “race mixing” I call it “brewing a better stew.”

Do you get it now?”

I nodded a little bit.

She shook her head at me and sighed and changed the subject to the aesthetic differences between cultures when it comes to clothes — women in pants vs. women in dresses — and identifying and judging accessories based on stereotypes like scarves and jewelry as I continued my internal fight to wash the phrase — “Black Chicks Want White Dicks” — out of my head.

Is my friend right about the genetic need to evolve beyond mere color?

Is “brewing a better stew” a good idea or a bad idea and what do we risk losing in the ingestion of the act?

Is it true — either universally or culturally — that “Black Chicks Want White Dicks?”

117 comments

  • I have no way of judging the rights or wrongs of this – but it is a very interesting idea – and if one well educated negro woman thinks it, there are going to be others.

  • Hi Nicola!
    It is a fascinating topic. It was an hour-long lecture. She is highly intelligent and it was difficult to try to capture the farce and the fact of her argument in print here.
    Your use of the word “negro” is interesting. It’s sort of a verboten word in the USA now. Is it commonly used in the UK?

  • Negro is OK over here ( as far as I know) as long as it is not used in a derogatory manner. Nigger isnt.

  • Fascinating!
    Is “coloured” acceptable in the UK?

  • Fascinating!
    Is “coloured” acceptable in the UK?

  • I have been thinking about my use of the word negro – I suspect it might be because I shared my college days with a gorgeous negress who insisted on being referred to as a *negress* – almost like she was trying to reclaim the word – much like “gay” was claimed by the gay community. She was larger than life, very black and very proud of it.
    I have just checked with the online dictionary which has it tagged as an offensive noun – in which case I apologise for any offense my use may have caused.
    I suspect “coloured” is on the *iffy* list as well. Again it would entirely depend on the context in which it was used.

  • I have been thinking about my use of the word negro – I suspect it might be because I shared my college days with a gorgeous negress who insisted on being referred to as a *negress* – almost like she was trying to reclaim the word – much like “gay” was claimed by the gay community. She was larger than life, very black and very proud of it.
    I have just checked with the online dictionary which has it tagged as an offensive noun – in which case I apologise for any offense my use may have caused.
    I suspect “coloured” is on the *iffy* list as well. Again it would entirely depend on the context in which it was used.

  • Hey Nicola!
    “Negro” went out of style in the USA in the 1960’s with the rise of the “Black Power” movement.
    Then “Black” became politically unpopular because it was a color and not a description of a human being and “African American” became the norm.
    I have always revolted against “African American” and “Irish American” and “Native American” labels because they swing too far the other way and they are rarely, if ever, accurate.
    Not all Blacks are African Americans — and there are many Blacks not born in America who get extremely upset with the pseudo-Political Correctness of the “African American” label.
    They have told me to just say “Black” because it’s simpler and more universally accurate across the world as an initial identifier because most Blacks in the world are not “African American” — not even those living or born in the USA.

  • Hey Nicola!
    “Negro” went out of style in the USA in the 1960’s with the rise of the “Black Power” movement.
    Then “Black” became politically unpopular because it was a color and not a description of a human being and “African American” became the norm.
    I have always revolted against “African American” and “Irish American” and “Native American” labels because they swing too far the other way and they are rarely, if ever, accurate.
    Not all Blacks are African Americans — and there are many Blacks not born in America who get extremely upset with the pseudo-Political Correctness of the “African American” label.
    They have told me to just say “Black” because it’s simpler and more universally accurate across the world as an initial identifier because most Blacks in the world are not “African American” — not even those living or born in the USA.

  • I was taught to use the word *extraction* – so a person would be of Oriental, Middle Eastern, African, South American – extraction.
    I also guess I may need re-educating ;)

  • I was taught to use the word *extraction* – so a person would be of Oriental, Middle Eastern, African, South American – extraction.
    I also guess I may need re-educating ;)

  • Umm… “Oriental” is also not used now. “Asian” is the correct term, I’m told. As one friend said, “A rug is Oriental. A person is Asian.”

  • Umm… “Oriental” is also not used now. “Asian” is the correct term, I’m told. As one friend said, “A rug is Oriental. A person is Asian.”

  • Thank you for the correction.

  • No more “mysterious oriental gentleman lurking in the shadows” ?

  • It is interesting to watch as language changes from country to country and even within city neighborhoods.
    What was once acceptable historically is no longer presentable in the now — sometimes for good reason, but many times for sad politics.
    What was is good — what is will yet be determined! :grin:

  • Very interesting topic, David. Does your friend plan on marrying a white man, then?

  • Hi Emily!
    She’s engaged to a White man now. She plans to marry him and have lots of children.

  • The use of labels is always interesting.
    A classmate asked my son “what he was” once at school when he was in the first grade. (My wife is Asian and I’m Caucasian.)
    He told the kid: “I’m American.”
    I think people of all races have always been interested in each other throughout the ages. The social and economic barriers that once kept people separated have fallen, so it is easier for people to meet and mix.

  • That’s a great story about your son, Chris, but what will he check on the Census and other federal documents where Race and Ethnicity are calculated?
    Does he feel culturally split?
    Did the person asking him the question accept his answer?

  • I cannot help but feel that your friend is ascribing to racism by marrying someone based upon their race. What sort of message will she be giving her children when she asserts that they are intrinsically “better off” just because they are half-white? That race is more important than any other quality?

  • I want to preface my comment with the fact that I am a black male. I am also a 3rd year law student. I think your friend has an interesting, but ultimately misplaced philosophy. The children she will have with her future white husband will be lighter, but they will be black. White society does not give mixed-race children a “propriety interest” in their “whiteness.” That term is from the 1896 case Plessy v. Ferguson, which you may know, legalized segregation in the US (Until Brown v. Board of Education in ’54). Plessy was 1/16 black and couldn’t get on a train! (How can you even tell if someone is 1/16 anything?!) Obviously things have changed qutie a bit in 111 years, but mixed-race children are people of color and are prone to the same discrimination of any minority.

  • Hi Emily —
    You ask some excellent questions!
    What others might call “Racism” by marrying a White man and not one of color, my friend would call “correcting the color imbalance.”
    Through the genetics of her body she wants to lighten her future color line to nullify the Racism she currently feels.
    Lighter skinned Blacks are more easily able to “mainstream” into middle America than darker ones, she argues. They not ever fit, but they don’t stand out as much as she does…
    Is a Jewish woman Racist when she only wants to marry a Jewish man?

  • Welcome to Urban Semiotic, Tony, and thank you for your message!
    I don’t know if the crisis of Race will ever be healed — especially in America. It is still too easy to divide and conquer based on skin color than on the ability and content of each person.
    Our history is pocked with Brown Bag Tests, disingenuous behavior in the form of Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemmings and the sickening cruelty of Strom Thurmond and Essie Mae Washington-Williams.
    What can we do about it? Some may believe that a drop of black blood makes one Black — but when everyone has that drop doesn’t that resolve the problem?
    It will take some time in mixing this “healing genetic cocktail” but it seems better to be proactive in creating a colorblind world than remaining in stasis and refusing to compromise on the color line because of some misplaced cultural pride.
    Black may be beautiful, but it is undoubtedly also a harder life of identification than those who can “pass” in mainstream America — and I’m sure you know those who are most infuriated by those who can “pass” are those with darker skin.

  • Hi David,
    I don’t think my son feels culturally split. His Filipino grandparents live with us, so he is exposed to Filipino culture daily. We also subscribe to The Filipino Channel so anyone who is interested can keep up with what is going on back home. My son would rather tune into the Cartoon Network. :)
    The kid thought my son was “Chinese.” I think it was an honest question because the kids were fairly young because my son has never had any problems at school. He’s friends with most of his classmates. (He’s also taller than most of them, so that’s another advantage).
    I wonder if your friend is feeling the effects of the “man shortage” reported in the African-American community?
    From Ebony:

    IT’S not always easy being single. But it’s even more difficult when you’re one of the thousands of good-looking Sisters in colleges or universities. For these self-assured Sisters who outnumber Brothers in staggering numbers on campuses throughout the U.S., the so-called man shortage is not a notion–it’s is a way of life, not only at historically Black colleges, but also at historically White institutions. …
    This is not by any means a Black college problem. In fact, the problem deepens at predominantly White schools, where the pool of available Brothers is even smaller. Victoria Wilder (not her real name), a 19-year-old sophomore at the University of Illinois, knows the problem firsthand. “Whenever we go to a party, there are like 10 girls for every one Black guy, and everyone is trying to get that one guy’s attention. It’s crazy,” she says.

  • Hi Chris!
    I hope your son does well. Does he see himself as more Filipino or Caucasian? American is a nationality, not a Race or Ethnic identity.
    Where are all the eligible Black men? They’re around. They may not be offered in what’s available…
    I have another graduate-level educated Black female friend who is light-skinned and she and all of her sorority sisters got together last year and complained how they’re all single and man-less and they all want children. They want to know where all the good men are hiding. They are all 25-27 years old.
    Now knowing my friend and her likely similarly-interested and smart and beautiful friends, I think it’s safe to say there’s no man good enough in the world for them.
    They are incredibly shallow and particular and discriminatory and won’t settle for less than their fantastical ideal of a man that no real man could ever begin to meet. That’s all a recipe for remaining single your entire life. It’s a choice to be man-less because we both know if those smart, beautiful and available Black women were open and willing for a relationship the men – of all colors! — would be hounding at their heels.

  • I love the diversity of our world, but unfortunately, it is the basis of a great deal of discrimination. If we were all one blended color, would we be able to set aside our differences? I may sound cynical, but I don’t think so. We would just find other labels and traits to divide us. We’ve already got several to fall back on: gender, sexuality, religion, to name a few.

  • It is difficult, icedmocha, to unify diversity.
    Gender does have inequities between the sexes.
    Sexuality and religion can be hidden.
    Skin color is something always out there in non-virtual interaction. You can’t hide from your color.
    It must be difficult to have skin so dark it looks purple when you live in a Racist society and the history of a national, historic, discrimination against darker skinned people is well established.
    The Italians call those skinned that dark “moolies” — a derogatory term originally used on the Sicilians and it was based on the Italian word for “eggplant.”
    If you feel stuck in your skin by society, I imagine the pull to do everything you can to not propagate that discrimination into your offspring must be pretty powerful even if others call you Racist by advancing the process.

  • David!
    As for a Jewish woman only wanting to marry a Jewish man–I think this would have to do more with religious preference than ethnicity.

  • … and for some of us, it’s not just a preference… it’s the law

  • Hi Emily —
    Here’s some interesting reading on Jews and Race:

    In the modern world Jews have been preoccupied with finding proper terms to describe their Jewishness. During the centuries when they were isolated from social contact with gentiles they had little reason to reflect on the nature of Jewish identity. But as Jews integrated into the societies of Europe and America, questions concerning their group status arose with greater frequency. Without the “ghetto” walls to define them they had to rely on their own power of articulation to clarify who they were and how they were different from their non-Jewish neighbors. While Jews responded to these challenges in different ways, one thing is certain: Jewishness no longer remained an all-encompassing way of life as it had been in premodern days. Instead, it became only one component of the identity of modern Jews, and Jewish loyalties were emphasized or obscured under the pull of other vital commitments. Whether Jews described themselves as a nation, a race, or merely a religious group depended upon the opportunities and pressures presented by their participation in the wider world. 1
    The present essay examines how American Jews employed the language of race in defining Jewishness during the last three decades of the nineteenth century. By “race” nineteenth-century Jews meant something different from “ethnicity” in its present usage. Their conception of Jewish distinctiveness was one rooted not only in cultural particularity but in biology, shared ancestry and blood. Such overt racial discourse has usually been treated by modern Jewish historians as the province of anti-Semites; few studies have explored the ways that Jews themselves used [End Page 29] racial language as a positive form of self-expression. 2 But American Jews drew comfort from a racial self-definition during the late nineteenth century because it gave them a sense of stability at a time when many familiar markers of Jewish…

    http://tinyurl.com/yt75eg
    As well…

    he story of American Jewish racial identity also makes clear how persistent the tensions between whiteness and Jewishness have been. Even the entrance of Jews into the white mainstream did not resolve them, for the more Jews became securely integrated in white society, the more their impulses for distinctiveness emerged. By the end of the twentieth century, an increasing number of Jews were asserting their “tribal” bonds to one another and stressing their “shared history” with African Americans, revealing nagging doubts about the toll acceptance in white America had taken on their own distinctive minority identity. Instead of facing the rejection of whites who were uncertain about Jewish racial status, Jews after 1965 encountered growing rejection by African Americans, who often challenged their right to present themselves as a persecuted minority.
    After a century, Jews were still struggling with the constraints of the black-white dichotomy. For reasons such as these, I have chosen not to frame this book as a study of how Jews became white, but as one that explores how Jews negotiated their place in a complex racial world where Jewishness, whiteness, and blackness have all made significant claims on them. In this way, the nuances, and the competing identities that never quite disappeared, have remained a central part of the story.

    http://press.princeton.edu/chapters/i8212.html

  • David- Although the present tense may be overwhelming to many, one could easily look at your friend as a “fadist.” It was only 500 or so years ago that this “master” ” mytholigical” “race” was considered “barbarians” with no law, empathy or moral conscience. A good argument could be made for this still to be the case looking at the world situation. At the present rates of breeding, due largely to birthcontrol, in another 500 years they may be once again in the outcast minority. It seems that one should look more deeply than the present, and realize the past and future are embedded in the here and now. Everyone should take pride in what she/he chose to be and not be so self effacing and quick to want to change genetic horses in the middle of the ephemoral stream. It took each of us at least 50 billion years to get here. Maybe we shouldn’t be so easily influenced by the “secondary” or external world, even if this may seem difficult. Perhaps now is only a minor temporary fascist glitch.

  • You make some very keen wider points, fred.
    I think my friend is worried about immediacy and things she can change and directly influence.
    I think she believes her children will do better and find greater prosperity in an American Society where “lightness” of skin is preferred or a “darker” pigment. At least that’s her view as a Nigerian Black woman living in the USA.

  • It’s interesting that the top “hot video models” are have many different heritages represented in their family trees.
    Melyssa Ford and Esther Baxter are mini United Nations.
    Halle Berry and Barak Obama are children of interracial couples.

  • Akismet doesn’t like my comment. :(

  • Akismet caught you, Chris! I fished you out.
    Aren’t most of us giant, boiling, melting pots of lots of ethnic and racial diversions?
    It’s a good thing to be made from many trees — I think it makes you stronger in every way and it also make you preternaturally resistant to infections and disease because you’re pulling on the strengths of so many varied historical perseverances and successes.

  • Chris!
    There’s no reason for Akismet to hate on that message! Doesn’t make sense!
    My long comment here with the big blockquotes about the “Jewish Race” was also snagged by Akismet. I had to fish that one out, too. Harumph! :grin:

  • With respect to census forms, put down “Phrygian”. Nobody knows what it means and it makes a nice statistical blip.
    It’s not a lie: most people of European descent are very likely to be part Phrygian, unless they are pure Sami, Scandinavian, or Scots Highlander.

  • Hi Charlene!
    Love your comment!
    Here’s how the US Census determines Race for analysis:

    Question: How will data on race be presented?
    Answer: Data on race will be shown using several different options. For example, in the Public Law 94-171 (redistricting) file, data will be shown for 63 racial categories. These include White alone, Black or African American alone, American Indian and Alaska Native alone, Asian alone, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander alone, Some other race alone and 57 possible combinations of the above six categories.
    In data products where it will not be possible to show 63 racial categories, such as the Demographic Profiles, data will be shown for seven mutually exclusive and exhaustive categories. The seven categories are White alone, Black or African American alone, American Indian and Alaska Native alone, Asian alone, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander alone, Some other race alone, and Two or more races. The two or more races category represents all those respondents who reported more than one race.
    A third option provides data about people who reported a race either alone or in combination with one or more other races. For example, the White alone or in combination category consists of those respondents who reported White, whether or not they reported any other races. In other words, people who reported only White or who reported combinations such as “White and Black or African American,” or “White and Asian and American Indian and Alaska Native” are included in the White alone or in combination category. Using this option there are six alone or in combinations groups: White alone or in combination; Black or African American alone or in combination, American Indian and Alaska Native alone or in combination, Asian alone or in combination, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander alone or in combination, and Some other race alone or in combination. If the number of people in these six categories is calculated, it will equal the total number of responses and will generally exceed the total population.

    http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2001/raceqandas.html

  • As a 50 year old white male, born into a world of “colored only” water fountains, John Birch society billboards in the deep South, and assassinations of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr., I must admit I’m taken aback by the comments here.
    Shouldn’t the world, in fact, doesn’t the world, celebrate diversity? Of religion, music, art, politics, ethnicity, skin color?
    As a participant in my favorite sport, Tiger Woods has become an iconic figure in a sport long deemed to be “white bread, country club, Republican”. To what does one attribute his popularity? To what does one attribute his financial endorsements (the highest of any athlete in the world)?
    I attribute it to this. Tiger Woods is different.
    If his mother, a Thai, would have followed the idea of “lightening up the brew”, her son would not have gained such massive popularity .
    Surely Tiger was not raised to believe that his level of “blackness” was a detriment to his future success.
    My thought? Is it possible that the author has personal issues with her level of “blackness” ….”so dark we’re purple!” (her words, in bold no less)…..that are not so much broad racial concerns but personal self-esteem issues? In a similar vein as a pale, light skinned white person? For that matter, could a similar argument be proffered by an albino woman … i.e. “I need to marry someone with dark skin to add some pigment to my blood line?” I can see it now…
    Albino chicks want black dicks!

  • Welcome to Urban Semiotic, Jerry. I appreciate your provocative comment.
    Tiger Woods self-identifies as an “Amerasian” and not “Afriasian.” He doesn’t see himself as Black — but as an equal mix of Asian and Black.
    http://www.google.com/search?q=tiger+woods+amerasian
    Tiger is popular because he is talented. If he couldn’t hit a golf ball he wouldn’t be popular.
    I understand you’re making the Albino argument to set up a punch line, but for those who may not know, Albinism is not a Race or Ethnicity.
    Albinism is a genetic disorder:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albinism
    You can be Black and have Albinism:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albinism

  • This Nigerian woman frightens me. This woman’s mentality toward her beautiful black skin symbolizes the generational damage of African colonization and the barbaric slavery in the Americas which forced black skinned people to hate/despise themselves as a means to future dehumanize their plight. It’s frightening to think that her need to “lightened-up” her offspring was taught to her, and that she will in turn infect her offspring with the same sickness, leaving them defenseless to refute the teaching. It would probably help this misguided woman to know that she is draped in an enviable skin. The Intelligent Design of this purple skin makes it the most resilient skin on earth, a shield against the sun’s ultra violet rays thanks to a heavy concentration of melanin that gives her skin its deep blackness, a skin defiant to wrinkles, with a natural thickness that makes it a fountain of youth. History has not adequately given up its secrets as to how this purple skin, which seems so favored by the sun and nature, became the ugly the outcast by those that later dominated and enslaved black skinned people. It is sad that even with her university degrees, it did not provide her with intelligence of self or insight. Maybe a course in genetics would her self-esteem, maybe dermatology, but that would be a stretch and a waste of time for a twisted mind so defeated by social norms that she is willing to forego the essence a true relationship and happiness in exchange for the self-hating indignity of seeking only a “white dick”.

  • Welcome to Urban Semiotic, Ane, and thank you for your thoughtful and passionate comment on a difficult subject.

  • Wow! I am amazed by this discussion forum! Most people on here have made such valid points. I would like to add a few things, however.
    As a medical student in the United States of Haitian descent, I can completely understand where your Nigerian friend is coming from, David. I myself grew up in Haiti (14 years) and have only been in the US for 7 years, and let me tell you that although it may not be as evident in the United States as it used to be, in the rest of the world, lighter skin DOES give you a social, economic and political advantage (some might say a biological advantage too, because lighter skinned people are the most likely to survive in 3rd world countries). In Haiti, for example, although lighter and darker skinned individuals get along along skin-color lines, lighter -skinner persons control 90% of the wealth of the country!! And they only represent about 5% of the population!! How do you explain that other than that having lighter skin has allowed them to thrive in this post-overt-slavery world that has been created?
    This is the only explanation! So how could anyone expect David’s Nigerian friend to think any differently? Being as educated as she is, I’m sure she understands the biological advantages of her skin color, but in my opinion, it seems like she has made a conscious choice to help her progeny survive and thrive, which is one of the basic needs of all individuals, to ensure the survival of their progeny, sometimes no matter what the cost!
    Let me go even further. Haiti, as you probably do not know, is the ONLY nation in history to have willingly and forcefully expelled slavery from its land [1791-1803, the Haitian Revolution, read up on it sometime :-) ]. And yet, to this day, one of the root causes of Haiti’s poverty and the destitution of its people is rooted in the fact that lighter skinned people are in control of almost everything! At the same time, it is those same lighter-skinned individuals and their ancestors who helped make the onset of the Haitian revolution possible! Without them, there would not have been a revolution because the French, who colonized Haiti, had amongst the most brutal slavery systems in the world. Progressively, lighter skinned slaves were more likely to be allowed into the white people’s homes, more likely to be nearby when the Frenchmen discussed the ideas of the French Revolution, more likely to be treated more benignly than a darker-skinned person, and so. You can therefore imagine how this could have led to a progressively more lenient system, allowing for the possibility of insurrection, revolution, etc. This “racial intermixing” played a crucial role in ending slavery in Haiti, and subsequently the rest of the world once the Haitian Revolution took place!
    So, in essence, when making the choice of:
    A. Having kids with a black man, which progressively leads to them being discriminated against, and losing some bit of culture (which, as beautiful and important as it is, is relative and fabricated anyway); OR
    B. Having lighter-skinned kids who may perhaps be less persecuted,
    David’s Nigerian friend, as aware as she may be of this impulse, chooses the lesser of two evils, the survival of her kids over the need of this world to change. She has the right to make that choice, and should not be labelled as mentally challenged for it.

  • Welcome to Urban Semiotic, Yuri!
    Wow! What a great comment! You have put a lot of time and obvious sweat into this matter and I thank you so much for sharing the truth of your experience with us.
    I agree this is a fascinating comments thread!

  • I realize noone has chimed in on this in a while, but I just found it and have to get up on this soapbox.
    I think people make the assumption that black people the world over would have the same world views and ideas. To compare the average African woman to the average African-American woman is flawed. You wouldn’t compare Caucasians who lived and grew up in France to one who grew up in Boston and expect them to have the same general view about most things.
    Someone mentioned that “if one well educated negro woman thinks it there are going to be others”. I’m sure you will find those people and education has nothing to do with that kind of view. Self-hate is what this pitiful Nigerian woman is steeped in. I have never felt ‘stuck’ being black and I can honestly say I have never craved white dick.
    To think that if she married a white man her child would somehow be more accepted is flawed.
    It is no secret that white privilege is well and alive in America. WHITE privilege, not light skinned black folks and white privilege. I pray this woman never has children because all she will do is teach them to dislike what they are and try to be ‘other’. She obviously does not have a clear idea of what it means to be black in America if she thinks being paper bag brown will give that child an advantage over being ‘purple’. The plight of the mixed child in America is one of not knowing or understanding where they belong in a society where most decisions are based on skin color.
    I do not pretend to speak for all black people but for me and my family, many of them could ‘pass’. I’m not exactly sure where Mr. Boles comes from when he says:
    “Black may be beautiful, but it is undoubtedly also a harder life of identification than those who can “pass” in mainstream America — and I’m sure you know those who are most infuriated by those who can “pass” are those with darker skin.”
    It angers me when people try to ‘pass’ because I don’t like to see anyone ‘hating’ themselves so much that they feel the need to try to belong to some other race. Caucasians are not so superior that blacks of any extraction need to try to be like them.
    I am not sure what is meant by “a harder life of identification”. Are you saying it is harder in America to be identified as black? If so, then yes life is a bit more difficult when you don’t belong to the dominant race(not superior just the ones with the most political power).
    Life is harder, but I wouldn’t change my race to make things easier. I like the person I am and I don’t know if that would be possible if I had not had the experience of growing up black in America.
    Even with 2 Master’s Degrees your friend sounds generally ignorant about black American women. Sitting around with my closest friends this idea has never come up. If one of my group was craving white dick then the rest of us would surely know.
    I found this blog while searching for information on Frances Cress Welsing. Steer your friend to this woman they seem to be polar opposites. Dr. Welsing thinks white people crave all things black and your friend goes the other way. Dr Welsing is very light, your friend is very dark and both of these people spout ideas that are so proposterous it is almost funny.
    By the way, Colored is not acceptable in the U.S. On that note I can speak for almost all black people.
    I am curious. All the people here who chimed in on how Black Americans must be, please stand up. I like to know who is running my mind for me.

    • your argument nicely worded is still based on a bias and racist belief. aand i say racist because all racism is, is prejudice to prejudge someone. you speak about how hard it is being black in america but there are other cultures out there that have had it worse than african americans. look at the americans that were here it took a colaberated effort from both backs and whites in your words to put them on reservations and keep them there. so saying how bad it is for african americans or caucasion americans or asian american if bs we are responcible for the choices we make. you also state you would not want a white man is this based of a bad expericance of on the racial color that americans white and black were both brought up with ?

  • It’s not just that having ‘lighter skinned children’ will help them get further in life by virtue of their color, it will also increase their intellect, temperment and emotional stability as well.
    Look how far the white race has progressed(i.e., modern civilization).
    Now look at where the blacks would be if left on their own, having no contact with whites…..still living in grass huts in the jungle.
    So what’s she’s saying is that whiteys genes will benefit her children, increasing their learning ablities, brain power and so on.
    Sounds like she’s trying to cheat mother nature, and the natural order of things.
    You know, like cutting in front of someone who’s in line ahead of you.

  • The only problem I have with this is that for every bit a black person betters their child possibilities through this process a white man makes his worse.
    Blacks are not really capable of maintaining first world countries so we have to be careful not to breed whites into a brown color. If that happens all of the greatness of white societies goes with it, the whole world will be Brazil.

  • Hix in Stix say “Not Our Dicks!”

  • its possible for two black people to have a white child, an albino. But its not possible for two white cavemen to have a black child. Just one of many interesting facts the nigerian girl should research. She going to produce a disease she can’t get rid of. Her degrees don’t mean anything in this white supremist world. Your thinking is just a fad, global warming is increasing. Your goning to need the “purple” skin. White chicks crave the biggest dick, BLACK ONES.

    • this is stricktly a racist/prejudical statement if i follow your logic here that would mean that by hype the most dangerouse people of any culture are true american. because we are truely blood thirsty and savage . oh wait that is a label and a false one i have dated women of every culture. and trust me they will all tell you the same thing skin color dont make dick size sorry get over the hype. and as far as your theory that 2 white people cant make a black child its false as well two Caucasian parents who have the recessive trait for melanin procreate then there is always a possibility of a “black child” is true so see your statement is false.

  • Im in a relationship with a white man and think he kind and really open and concern, and put me first and Its no based on sex,,,,,,just to people needing on another………………..love to all

  • If we go back to the as far as the 1800’s then I think we all will agree that white men have always preferred black women and that was back in the slavery days even though they didn’t want anyone to know that they were women of choice they would rape,and inpregnate the slaves to keep anyone from knowing that they had been sleeping with them even then they felt that they would be and they would have been outcasted amongst family,and friends of their race but we as a whole need to get over what happened back then,and move on because we live in another centry,and we cannot hold what the white ancestors did to our black ancestors,and I can also agree with one of the posters that stated that we are not all African Americans because my Grandmother was mixed half black,and half Indian but I don’t go around stating that I am 50/50,I am still concidered black but I find that term to be derogertory even because my skin color is not that of a crayon but a beautiful mocha brown,and in spanish the word “negro”,means black,and I think that the more we limit ourselves as awhole to using that word as well as “nigger,or nigga” we wouldn’t have to continue to encounter derogotory remarks,but I do think that we have a choice,a choice to be with whom ever we want to be with rather they are black,white,green,purple,or brown,it’s the way that the person you are with,loves,and treats you,and preferably I prefer dating outside of my race to,because I am not prejudice,and I feel that I see love,and not the color of anyman’s skin I have choices,and my ancestors fought to over come the oppression of being catorgorized by skin color,you also have a choice in life so make your choice,and be happy,because no one has to live with your decision but you.

  • First let me say Supreme B. is obviously a racist and a bigot…without reservation. I’m sorry he feels such personal inadequacy that he must resort to laughable racial stereotypes.
    Why is the statement by this woman viewed as controversial? I would think a black woman in this country or any other for that matter would gladly want their offspring to be viewed as “white” as possible. Not in a racist context, but as a purely practical and sensible one. Despite what the liberal media in this country might want us to accept, there is indeed a huge and quantifiable disparity between African Americans and whites, as well as other racial groups, in terms of wealth, education, adherence to laws (as illustrated by the huge disparity in the number of blacks that are presently incarcerated, which is often pointed out as indicative of a racism in the legal system; a more rational stance is to view it as a symptom of black societal dysfunction), and adaptation to the norms of American society, defined as mores, standards and beliefs held by the majority of people in this country. The bottom line is that until blacks as a group stop blaming others, namely whites, for their plight, and start being accountable for their own behaviors, they will continue to be locked into a permanent underclass, upon which their only salvation will be their invidious diatribes and uncorroborated accusations against those whom they harbor such deep and bitter resentment.

  • I am a 30yrs old British white male. I wonder how many people here are aware of Richard Dawkins ‘Rival Gene’ theory and what bearing that may have on this debate.
    Having dated black women I can say that I am pro interacial relationships in fact my first ever girlfriend was a black girl. I must say that in my experience its usually black women (and white women) seeking black men. When I was younger ( a teenager), race did not seem to be so much of an issue, as time has gone by I have found that many black women disagree with bringing a ‘mixed race child into this world’. This is obviously racial discriminatioin and nothing to do with the instinctual aspect of the mind. I have always been open to other cultures and have been more and more dissapointed by the prevalent hippocracy in the attitude towards whites, I suppose with all the ‘superiority’ we are experiencing its only right that shoulder some resentment. I concede that this notion can certainly be seen to be reflected in areas of the white community but surely this is an evil we can do without?
    What I believe your friend was expressing was a biological urge as opposed to a social advancement plan. It is arguable that a really tall women may seek a short man to balance out the genes but would struggle with the ‘short man’ stigma. Hope thats helpful to somebody somewhere, lets just be grateful that women crave dick at all.

  • That’s funny. Your friend is crazy as all hell. In fact, all you need to do is change “black” and “white” for any two collectives which have competed over anything to witness the fullness of her psychosis. It is the ultimate psychological surrender…about a half-step and a banana peel above suicide.
    Consider “Palestinian and Israeli” at any time since the Balfour Declaration. Perhaps “American and British” in the late 1760’s. How about “Tibetan and Chinese”? “Pakistani and Indian”? “Muslim and Christian?”
    When someone deems their birth in a particular collective as a curse (especially with material well-being), they are clearly not in their right mind. The visceral contempt which she has for the image in the mirror is part and parcel of her acculturation in the schools, universities and information/media centers of “whites.”
    Clearly, this is not about the material prosperity of her unborn child. She has no need to fret over that. Nor is this a wanton lustful pursuit for a penis of exceptional length or girth. Scientists suggest if it were that, she needn’t stray far. Quite the contrary…this is all about soothing a timeless pain in her heart – and it is about her self image. Black-eyed Susans, my friend, are part of every Black community on this planet.
    Sad, but true.

  • I love the way you think, Temple3. You connected it all up really well for necessary dissection.

  • Mark’s contribution to Stoopid Sh*t 101:
    “Despite what the liberal media in this country might want us to accept, there is indeed a huge and quantifiable disparity between African Americans and whites, as well as other racial groups, in terms of wealth, education, adherence to laws (as illustrated by the huge disparity in the number of blacks that are presently incarcerated, which is often pointed out as indicative of a racism in the legal system; a more rational stance is to view it as a symptom of black societal dysfunction), and adaptation to the norms of American society, defined as mores, standards and beliefs held by the majority of people in this country.”
    How do you go from a statement about material disparities (without even accounting for how this transpired over time…it’s like looking at Google’s price and Berkshire Hathaway’s price and divining which corporate culture is better – need more analysis – not just tired “Duh” statements) to a statement about biology FUSED to “culture.” It’s a perspective to which you’re entitled, but you can’t substantiate one iota of it.
    Quantify or keep it to yourself…you’re polluting.

  • Temple3’s “contribution”:
    “How do you go from a statement about material disparities (without even accounting for how this transpired over time…it’s like looking at Google’s price and Berkshire Hathaway’s price and divining which corporate culture is better – need more analysis – not just tired “Duh” statements) to a statement about biology FUSED to “culture.” It’s a perspective to which you’re entitled, but you can’t substantiate one iota of it.”
    I never mentioned anything about biology. It’s all about perception. I think even Temple2 1/2 would agree that it’s much easier to be “white” in this country than “black”. My statement was not meant to be judgmental. You are right in one respect; there are obvious material disparities between blacks and whites; much of it is the result of slavery in this country. A less socially advanced culture was targeted and exploited by one much more advanced and predominant. Unfortunately, today we have to live with the consequences of that sad moment of our history.
    Also, Temple2, apparently you have a difficult time dealing with concepts that extend beyond braggadocio. As you put it:
    “Nor is this a wanton lustful pursuit for a penis of exceptional length or girth. Scientists suggest if it were that, she needn’t stray far.”
    If you subscribe to the notion that blacks are genetically predisposed to have larger penises, then wouldn’t someone with the same mindset conclude that whites are intellectually superior to blacks?
    You really can’t have it both ways.

  • Fascinating discussion! I’m mixedrace myself, half English & half Nigerian. As far as I can tell, there have been no contributions from mixedrace people.
    I have to admit, David, your Nigerian friend’s attitude does not surprise me. Nigerians, and most Africans brought up in Africa, are much less highly politicised with regard to race than Africans in the Diaspora. To put it bluntly, they haven’t had enough exposure to White people to be aware of how deeply embedded racism is in White culture & society across the world.
    The lighter skin/darker skin dichotomy began with European racism in 18th century, a symptom of the transatlantic slave trade. It’s called “plantation mentality”, because on plantations, Whites used skin tone to divide Africans – light skins were more favoured & considered less like chattel animals, darker skins got the menial jobs. This attitude became encoded into Black people’s mentality. In colonies like Nigeria, controlled by indirect rule through native puppet rulers, the “plantation mentality” was instilled more subtly, but just as effectively.
    Nigerians tend to focus on skin colour, rather than race. One of the things I love about Nigeria is that they refer to all foreigners of any race as White (“oyinbo” in Yoruba, “onyocha” in Ibo). Nigerians place much more emphasis on skin tone than racial origin. However, like everywhere influenced by White supremacist philosophy, light skin is considered better & dark is worse.
    No matter what our cultural background, we all have racist views, because we have all been raised in a White supremacist world where the dominant mindset is racist. To deny the racism inside us all is a habit often indulged by White liberals. However, we have the possibility to struggle against the racist encoding to set our minds free. It is our behaviour to others, the actions we take that what determine whether or not we are racists.
    Unfortunately, intelligence is no guide to someone’s cultural awareness. There are plenty of highly intelligent bigots. Your friend, and indeed anyone who believes in practising selective breeding to produce lighter skinned children, is a bigot and a racist. She is not an unusual Nigerian in that respect.

  • Hi Segun!
    Wow! What a fascinating comment! I thank you for the time you set aside to write this fine analysis.
    So do Nigerians see themselves as Racist or as necessary selective breeders or something else?

  • Hi Segun!
    Wow! What a fascinating comment! I thank you for the time you set aside to write this fine analysis.
    So do Nigerians see themselves as Racist or as necessary selective breeders or something else?

  • I’m not sure I agree with your friend’s agenda, but she’s not completely off base in the near term. Frankly, it’s in a Black woman’s interest to breed with White men. White men, on average, have a better chance of providing support and protection for her and her offspring.

  • I’m not sure I agree with your friend’s agenda, but she’s not completely off base in the near term. Frankly, it’s in a Black woman’s interest to breed with White men. White men, on average, have a better chance of providing support and protection for her and her offspring.

  • That’s an interesting comment, jonolan. Do you feel that way from personal experience or something you read somewhere?

  • That’s an interesting comment, jonolan. Do you feel that way from personal experience or something you read somewhere?

  • David,
    Both reasons actually. My girlfriend is Black (mostly); I’m White (mostly) and we’ve discussed her previous options for a family.
    I’ve also studied zoology for decades. Females in most social / gregarious species tend to breed with males who seem to offer the best chance for support and protection. Despite everything we’re still animals and have instincts.
    There are also many, many reports from different perspectives detailing how many Black women are now choosing non-Black mates.

  • David,
    Both reasons actually. My girlfriend is Black (mostly); I’m White (mostly) and we’ve discussed her previous options for a family.
    I’ve also studied zoology for decades. Females in most social / gregarious species tend to breed with males who seem to offer the best chance for support and protection. Despite everything we’re still animals and have instincts.
    There are also many, many reports from different perspectives detailing how many Black women are now choosing non-Black mates.

  • jonolan —
    If you decide to have children with your girlfriend — do you fear any cultural or racial disconnect in your kids?
    Your argument that evolution is color-blind is fascinating because it seems antithetical to keeping one chain of bonding and blood alive and intact throughout antiquity.
    http://urbansemiotic.com/2006/10/23/red-in-tooth-and-claw-the-language-of-killing/
    I always though Black women were looking for “Black Men” in preference but couldn’t find enough of them that shared their economic and social values for upward mobility and so they had to look at other Races for options.
    If the choice between a Black Man and a White Man were equal — wouldn’t a Black Woman be naturally and evolutionarily inclined to choose a Black Man?

  • jonolan —
    If you decide to have children with your girlfriend — do you fear any cultural or racial disconnect in your kids?
    Your argument that evolution is color-blind is fascinating because it seems antithetical to keeping one chain of bonding and blood alive and intact throughout antiquity.
    http://urbansemiotic.com/2006/10/23/red-in-tooth-and-claw-the-language-of-killing/
    I always though Black women were looking for “Black Men” in preference but couldn’t find enough of them that shared their economic and social values for upward mobility and so they had to look at other Races for options.
    If the choice between a Black Man and a White Man were equal — wouldn’t a Black Woman be naturally and evolutionarily inclined to choose a Black Man?

  • “[sic]…it seems antithetical to keeping one chain of bonding and blood alive and intact throughout antiquity.”
    In most species keeping a bloodline alive is a priority for the male, not the female. The males of many species kill offspring not their own but the females do so far less often and communally raise the young in many cases.
    “[sic]…couldn’t find enough of them that shared their economic and social values for upward mobility and so they had to look at other Races for options. “
    It is my thought that those economic and social values and upward mobility are what define the ability to support and protect the woman and her children. I believe that instinct is modified by the forebrain to fit the current environment.
    I think that women will tend towards having children with the best possible men that they are around them. I cannot place a value on Black vs. White if all other factors are equal. I just don’t know what the numbers would show.

  • “[sic]…it seems antithetical to keeping one chain of bonding and blood alive and intact throughout antiquity.”
    In most species keeping a bloodline alive is a priority for the male, not the female. The males of many species kill offspring not their own but the females do so far less often and communally raise the young in many cases.
    “[sic]…couldn’t find enough of them that shared their economic and social values for upward mobility and so they had to look at other Races for options. “
    It is my thought that those economic and social values and upward mobility are what define the ability to support and protect the woman and her children. I believe that instinct is modified by the forebrain to fit the current environment.
    I think that women will tend towards having children with the best possible men that they are around them. I cannot place a value on Black vs. White if all other factors are equal. I just don’t know what the numbers would show.

  • Thanks for the analysis and insight, jonolan! This topic is fascinating on so many human levels.

  • Thanks for the analysis and insight, jonolan! This topic is fascinating on so many human levels.

  • I’m not a woman and haven’t asked any – but I doubt many women, at least in the US, weigh up the prospect of future advantages of their unborn children when picking mates. If being more white really does improve a child’s chances for “success” then why are there so many more white women having babies with black men than black women having babies with white men? Further proof against the “women want lighter skinned babies” theory is even with the eligible black male shortage in “black” society, there is still a huge resistance (though I am told being slowly overcome) against black women mixing with non-blacks – even though black men can go for women of all backgrounds. Most US black women won’t consider going for white men regardless of any alleged benefit to the children of such matches.

  • I’m not a woman and haven’t asked any – but I doubt many women, at least in the US, weigh up the prospect of future advantages of their unborn children when picking mates. If being more white really does improve a child’s chances for “success” then why are there so many more white women having babies with black men than black women having babies with white men? Further proof against the “women want lighter skinned babies” theory is even with the eligible black male shortage in “black” society, there is still a huge resistance (though I am told being slowly overcome) against black women mixing with non-blacks – even though black men can go for women of all backgrounds. Most US black women won’t consider going for white men regardless of any alleged benefit to the children of such matches.

  • Thanks for the fascinating comment, Marlow!
    Why do you think the resistance to Black women mixing with non-Blacks is being “slowly overcome?”

  • Thanks for the fascinating comment, Marlow!
    Why do you think the resistance to Black women mixing with non-Blacks is being “slowly overcome?”

  • I can’t say for sure it is – but read about it being due to more mixing at work and universities where (maybe this was mentioned above) black women far outnumber black men – so if they want action – and what healthy young person doesn’t – they better expand their horizons. And, just guessing, but as the years roll by, the old slavery bugaboo just doesn’t carry as much weight, which has always been ridiculous anyway. And maybe more black women are tired of so many black men crossing the racial line they figure what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Better yet, do a survey of black woman and see what they say. In fact, does such a survey exist?

  • I can’t say for sure it is – but read about it being due to more mixing at work and universities where (maybe this was mentioned above) black women far outnumber black men – so if they want action – and what healthy young person doesn’t – they better expand their horizons. And, just guessing, but as the years roll by, the old slavery bugaboo just doesn’t carry as much weight, which has always been ridiculous anyway. And maybe more black women are tired of so many black men crossing the racial line they figure what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. Better yet, do a survey of black woman and see what they say. In fact, does such a survey exist?

  • You have some great analysis, Marlow. We should set up some sort of scientific survey! :grin:

  • First, I should start by saying that I am a white male and my fiance is a black female.
    I am not so sure I agree with the overall sentiments of what your friend has to say, but it is pretty interesting.
    I have my doubts of her being able to fortify her child’s chances of succeeding in this world by merely “lightening” his/her skin tone. There will be a million and more factors that will go into that success, and race is becoming much, much less a part of that equation.
    I do, however, like the idea that she is willing to date outside of her race. I am right on the border of Gen X/Gen Y, and it seemed to be something that was always acceptable within my peers.
    Actually, most of my friends in an interracial relationship are white males and black/latin females.

  • Hi Mike!
    I appreciate your real-word perspective on this issue and I do hope your relationship turns out the way you wish.

  • your friend needs some help

    David,
    I believe your friend is suffering from a case of hating her own skin. This being a result of the European colonialism that has gone on all over the world. Non-whites have taken on the beliefs and mores of their oppressors. While your friend might be highly intelligent, I would say she definitely has some issues with self love.
    Please don’t mistake my statement as a racist one, as this viewed by most as the same for a woman who associates larger breast with being sexy.

  • Thanks for sharing your insight!

  • I read your friend’s story with as much objectivity as I could manage. While she presented her ideas and their justifications with a great degree of clarity, I do not believe her reasons are compelling.
    She appears to be responding to racial injustices inappropriately, and it’s rather crass and thoroughly declasse that she shared this with you in the language that she chose. But that judgment stems from a subjective quirk that is only my own.
    I am a black woman who intends to marry a man some day. I do not care whether this man is white, Asian, or the bluest of black. I do, however, care if he will love our children and their color(s), treat other human beings with decency and respect, work hard, and has a sense of humor. These are things we ought to care about — because it is persons we live with — not their skin.
    What, then, is a personal and appropriate response to injustice? Do we do our best to protect just our own loved ones (whether present or future) or do we face the noblest parts of ourselves, and make the world safe for everyone? No matter what the perceived evolutionary movement of Homo Sapiens, black people, here in the U.S. and everywhere else, are not going anywhere. White people are not going anywhere. Asians are not going anywhere. Latinos are not going anywhere.
    Let us learn to live in and love the vessels we’re in — and the ones that others inhabit. Racism is old. Get over it, not your skin color.

  • Thanks for the comment, Rielke.
    Questions of identity and belonging always seem to be a hard nut in the USA. There are cultural rules and ethnic norms that divide and try to conquer us.

  • I’m a black male with a black girl friend and she says she’s satisfied and she aint looking for nobody else.
    But I also have a white girl and she says the same thing.
    I think it depends on the person. Not whether dark brown or hot yellow

  • Welcome to Urban Semiotic, Tyrone!
    Why do you think in some pockets of the nation there are still divisions along a color line?
    Can Barack Obama win the White Southern vote?

  • what the beautiful nigerian woman said obviously reeks of so much self hate, it’s dizzying. what’s especially disturbing is that anyone would give credence to her ideas because she’s got two master’s degrees. i mean, really. is that all it takes to legitimize what someone says? ick.
    intellectualizing these things can only go but so far until what someone says smacks of idiocy and a basic lack of common sense. the color of someone’s skin is hardly enough to base a marriage/relationship upon — but if that’s her criteria, then by all means, let her help herself to all the white dick she wants.
    frankly, i don’t understand how anyone could ignore basic american history on this issue. we have been having sex with each other, and in spite of the law, we have been marrying and raising our interracial families through much strife and hardship ever since the first europeans “discovered” this place and enslaved africans to build their first world economy.
    whether it was the racist gentleman farmer who sired children with his slave against her will (thomas jefferson and sally hemings) and then took care of and educated all 8 children (but refused to set any of them or their mother free until he died) or the chinese immigrants who married african american women when they matriculated to the south to work plantations, or who lived and married black women in the west indies, interracial unions with black women have been going strong for quite awhile. that’s why african-americans have a look that varies from region to region.
    there aren’t enough names to come up with the hybrids that we are, if anyone would dare to look in any of our individual family trees. that’s why we call ourselves african-americans. it’s an all encompassing thing.
    how wierd that no one has mentioned any of this so far.
    oh, and jonolan: check the divorce rate, interracial and otherwise. having a child with a white man doesn’t mean that he will take care of it or that you or that child will have a better life, no matter what color you are.

    • ok i am sorry but there are so very surprised talk about common since how can you Discover someplace where a culture already resides. and the whole slavery issue this was other tribes in africa selling there captives from other tribes in witch they had defeated. ( by the way is also not right) but if your going to point the blame put it where it goes, and if your going to try to use it to prove a point make sure you got your facts right.

  • I appreciate your comment and your insight, thank you!

  • estherqueen,
    There’s no argument about divorce rates. My point was solely based on a woman’s possible perceptions. Given the choice between a stereotype that won’t be there and/or won’t do a good job as a provider & protector (Black) and a stereotype who will (White), many women will choose the latter. This is no way ensures the safety of their young, but may give them better odds – or at least some might think that it does.

  • i’d love to know who those black women are.

  • David,
    My comment got Akismet’ed due to links I think

  • Yep! Caught and rescued. Thanks for the heads up!

  • Whatever the politics–I am in love with women of all colors. Darker is fine. As pale as cream is lovely. If the woman is intelligent and self-aware enough to discuss the possible permutations and political implications…well, then I’m in heaven.
    “False consciousness” is an insulting concept and an ugly stance to take. Deal with the person in front of you and the history they bring to the table.
    All I ask is that they be able to smile indulgently when this white guy sings along with Smokey Robinson, Otis Redding, Stevie Wonder, et al. on the car radio.

  • I love you thinking, rational! Thanks for sharing your bright mind and thoughts with us on this important matter!

  • hello david. could you send me that lecture in a file to my mail or ask her to draft up what she said and send it to me? im really interested in the whole discussion, or a new one. ty

  • This article is the only version of the story available.

  • Hi, David. I know nothing about this blog, but I stumbled on this and found it interesting.
    I realize that this blog post is over two years old, but I just found it so it’s new to me. :)
    I appreciated your friends frankness(even though you weren’t sure how to respond to it. lol.)and I agree with many of the different posters here on a few different ideas. So..uh..”Hi” assuming you’re still reading the comments on this…
    No one has asked as far as I can see about what YOU thought of your friend’s comments. What did you think? Would you be fine marrying a black woman if you knew her mindset was similar to your friends?
    As for me…I had a problem with her tarring all dark black women with the same brush. We don’t all secretly want to be another race or wabt to have a different skin tone, we aren’t all secretly wanting “white dicks” JUST for their ability to help us create light children for certain real or preceieved social advantages(that idea is somewhat insulting to white men, IMO. As if genes is all we might think they’re good for). She should have qualified her statements as HER views and opinions;as HER feelings as a Nigerian woman instead of presenting them to you as a nation wide-black-woman-mindset. I’m African-American(and dark skinned) and I find white men(and a whole bunch of other ethnicity men) attractive for themselves, not the potential advantages to bedding them(besides the carnal. Obviously.)
    While misguided, I think her one-race idea is ok in theory. But it wouldn’t work though. “Race” is a wholly human construct based entirely on how each culture has choosen to define it. It’s only based on skin tone because someone decided that there needed to be a distinction. Take a way the current light-dark distinctions in the United States and elsewhere and we WILL come up with something else(Once the current distinction is no longer viable). It’s the way of the beast.
    The only race is the human race, the rest is stuff we made up to justify varying forms of discrimation and categorizations.
    Your friend should focus on making sure her children–light skin or not–grow up to love themselves, and making sure they grow up to appreciate what they have to offer by helping them to realize that their skin tone–purple or not–may affect others perceptions of them. But it should not affect their own self-image. I think marrying/breeding for race alone is ridiculous no matter who’s doing it. Why marry a black man just based on the fact that he’s black and I am too? If it’s your PERSONAL preference, fine, but I think the mindset that guides certain preferences needs to be taken into account. Are you sticking to your race because of some social/cultural/racial hang up? Heal thy self and branch out.
    Also, as a biologist, I found Jonolan’s Evolutionary drive ideas interesting. And how his girlfriend was “mostly” black. Not sure what that means, but…*shrug*
    Thanks for opening up this topic, David! :) Sorry for this super long reply. I’m long winded!

    • i have to agree with your one nation tkind of statement.
      here is a sad and alittle asadistict fact if you peal the ckin off of us white black green purple orange (ect) you get the point
      WE ARE ALL RED UNDERNEATH it does not matter where you come from just teach your kids self respect dignity manors and above all pass on your haritage knowlege to your children, not just the bad but the good as well

  • Thanks for your excellent comment, fuscalupa. Even though the article was published two years ago, it is still fresh to those reading for the first time. That’s why I love the power of internet publishing. I thought what my friend was sharing was strange and absurd — but to her, it was a divining reality.

  • I’m a white man who has dated black women. I think the notion that black women want to date white men for purposes of evolving is a bunch of bs. I’m sure the majority of black women prefer black men. There are a percentage of black women who like white men because of the contrast in skin tone and because they feel white men are more “civilized”. And I would love to sit back and think that most black women want a white guy, but truth is truth and bs is bs. Most people prefer to be with their own race.
    Black women are curious just like white women are, and there is no way to find some scientific explanation for why opposites attract sometimes. If you think about it, this whole issue is based on some pseudo intellectual bs that’s actually funny if you think about it ahaha..yet, you all go on about how “interesting” it is.

    It aint right if a black person tells a falsehood about a white person. And it aint right the other way round. So, out of respect for the good black people I’ve come across in my time; this is some straight up BULLLLSHIT.

  • I’m mixed (half black half white) and was born in Germany since my father was in the military. I was raised there until my father was transfered to an army base back in the States when I was eight. Growing up was very difficult for me. The black kids thought I was stuck up because I was mixed. Then, the white kids called me zebra girl. I ended up giving my virginity to a guy I later found out only liked me because of his black fetish. Plus, having mixed hair is awful. It takes years to finally grow out of the self loathing and to know what to do with your body. I don’t have any impressive degrees since I’m eighteen and just now starting college. However, I know from experience being mixed does not help you get farther ahead then black people.

    • Thanks for your interesting comment, Jessica.

      Can you tell us more about your “mixed hair” and what it means and how you deal with it?

      Can you also explain a little more about why you think being mixed is more of an advantage?

      • Hello David, I am an African American Women who has Always Loved & Craved White Cock/Dick! Ever scine I was a little girl & and as an adult White men are the Only men I date! As an American my views or taste is simply that White men are my preference because I’m more attracted to them in every way /of course sexually as well but more importantly for other things about them & the way they are. It has nothing 2 do with racism nor do I care what other people think, I do what satisfies & makes me happy regardless of the past. I know lots of black women who feel the same way & would Love 2 date a White guy 4 several reasons, none having 2 do with his race. For some of us it’s a huge turn-on. I think your friends views are the way they are “very different ” because she is from africa & her experience is not the same as a black american woman’s, thus the way she & other nigerian women feel has 2 do with experiencing racial hardships that led 2 love where as “ours” is more from a preference & attraction towards white men. I hope You respond as I just read this post this week. Thanks Dave!

  • I am in my late 40s and am becoming more and more obsessed with black women every day. If racial mixing is the solution to a better world, I’m all for it. If I was younger and had the money I would travel the whole United States, The Caribbean, and the entire African continent and have sex with as many black women, as I have the energy for, and have children with them.

    BLACK WOMEN NEED LOVE TOO!!!!!

  • i like this womans idealitic way of thinking but hasnt history taught us anything ?
    like labeling white black tan yellow. i am a true american not native american i am mescalaro apatche and cherokee i served this country as a Marine. i learned one major thing in the corp an that is i dont see black/white or any color i see a person because calling or labeling someone is degrading to yourself not them. it shows them how little you think of yourself and this hype about races is way over blown. you have beautiful women from every culture and there some of the most vile creature you will ever find. you have obease women of every culture they may not be someones idea of beautiful but they are useually the ones that are just trying to do what we all want and that is to be happy. so your friend thinks making her childrens skin color lighter will benifit them and it might with society the way it is but we should base it on what there like as people not the color of there skin

  • I wish all ebony women thought like that.I totally agree with this post one world one race let the breeding begin :)

  • I just stumbled upon your blog and this article interests me. I hope I’m not too late to express my opinions here. Color discrimination exists everywhere. You see, I am an Asian. In this tropical country I live in, being light and fair is everything to us. Ask any men here about their dream girl, and many would answer “light, fair-skinned and skinny”. Most of my darker colored friends complaint about how hard it was to get a boyfriend, and even jobs. I have known some employers who prefer to employ fairer-skinned individuals just because they like “pretty people” around. And at some shops, cashiers greet you with a smile if you’re lighter, but gives a dissaproving frown if you’re dark. If you’re dark, then you probably come from a village or a poor family, you’re dirty and have low moral values. If you’re light-skinned, you’re beautiful, clean and have proper etiquette.
    I have tanned, brown skin. So does my boyfriend. A lot of people around told me to ditch him because if we’re married, our children will be brown. And others tell my boyfriend to find someone else fairer so he will have beautiful babies with brighter future. I’m thankful that we’re strong enough to be together and ignore what others say. I just wish the people around appreciates each other for who they are instead of judging them by their color.

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  • I’m 34 and I’ve always wanted a mixed child since I could remember. I’ve never been fond of status quo. I know my decision will shun me from family members and other black women will look down on me for wanting and actually having more attractive children (in my opinion), but I don’t care. It’s my biological right to procreate however I choose. They are the weaker ones, as they conform to what others want and never go beyond what they know. I’ll be damned if I’m going to have a baby that is what pleases everyone else but me. No way.

  • My thing is certain races have traits that are better and worse in varying areas. Mixing can cancel out bad genes. For instance, all the weave wearing could stop if more black women mixed with people that could introduce those hair textures that they consider attractive. Plus, facial features would be more balanced out on average, skin tones, etc. Luckily with procreation, you can choose the father, whether it’s by IVF or social networks. You don’t have to settle as most do with relationships, marriages, etc., so you might as well give the child more attractive genetics. That is a form of wealth in my opinion. Even if you are poor and single, giving your child the gift of beauty can significantly help to get her/him out of poverty, especially when groomed for better in life. Beautiful people have far more advantages in all areas of life than less attractive ones; that is a fact. Janet Langhart Cohen’s beauty helped her get noticed by the man of dreams, and she ended up marrying the Secretary of Defense. Do you think that would have happened if she looked like a female version of Eddie Murphy? Let’s not kid ourselves.

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