Osbournes Reloaded Goes Limp

On Tuesday, the Osbournes returned to television on Fox in “Osbournes Reloaded” — and while it wasn’t quite suicide television — it was awful enough in its entirety that we wish they’d stayed retired. 

The Osbournes — as a new variety show — had no spark.  The humor and setups were limp and unconvincing. 

The premier show revolved around a fakey marriage
proposal and acceptance involving an audience member that stank of a set up from the start. 

You can’t be cutting edge when your ideas are dull and The Osbournes now downwardly define dullardry and their overuse of the f-bomb is now tired and wankerish.

Oh, Ozzy, how far you’ve fallen as the Prince
of Darkness to become a frightened child in the floodlights.

The only reasons the Osbournes would be involved in such a mockery of who and what they used to be are the want for more money and fame — neither of which can help make their show into something watchable.

I’m not the only one tired of this tiresome brood:

At least 16 Fox TV stations refused to air the Osbourne family’s “variety” special last night after seeing the promos for the program and looking at the six-minute “sizzle reel” that the network sent their way.

An additional 10 Fox stations virtually killed “Osbournes: Reloaded” by moving it out of prime time and into the wee hours of the morning — as late as 1:35 a.m. today — all but guaranteeing that the special would take a ratings hit. All told, it appears the show either will not air at all or be buried in late night in about 11 percent of the country.

Ozzy — do your family a favor and bite the bat and do the right thing for once:  Euthanize the show while you still can.  Beat the devil to the guillotine and do the job yourself.

In the bloody end, you will resurrect some of the dignity you sold and earn back a bit of the faith and goodwill so many of us spent tuning you in on Tuesday — only to be left emotionally and morally bankrupt by an entertainment Ponzi scheme that rivaled the Madoff rip-off.