Evidence of a Bored National Palate: Hot Dog Pizza and Bacon Ice Cream

Every day America gets lazier and fatter and more bored — and for proof of that argument, we only need to look at the fast food enticements pocking our diets.  The new “Hot Dog Stuffed Crust” pizza from Pizza Hut hits a new all-time low in massive, cynical, consumerism in the family dining niche.  Who wants mustard on their pizza?

Do we really need hot dogs in our pizzas?  What’s the point of it?  To give us two meals in one?  How soon can we have pizzas stuffed in hot dogs?  I’m definitely missing something here on the “I Must Put This In My Mouth” scale of dietary thinking.

Even more confounding is the “I Put Bacon in My Bed” movement where bacon is added to everything to make it better because everyone loves bacon.

The new “Maple Bacon Sundae” can be had — and eaten! — now at Denny’s.  I wonder if you have to pour the maple syrup on your own bacon sundae?

Not to be outdone or left behind on the greasy bacon griddle, Burger King now jams a big slab of hog in their new “Bacon Sundae.”  I’m sorry, but if you’re going to offer a “bacon sundae” the bacon should be an integral part of the ice cream and not something stuck in the desert like a conqueror’s colors.

Perhaps Jack-in-the-Box gets the bacon frenzy right by offering a “Bacon Shake” that looks like the bacon is actually a part of the shake.  If you must add bacon to a dessert, making the pig the star ingredient is a requisite.

Hot Dogs and bacon are terrible for your body.  They’re salty and full of fat.  You cannot routinely eat bacon and hot dogs or you will die.  It’s just that simple.  Eating bad stuff makes your body bad and non-responsive.  Do you really want to give up your longevity for a fleeting bacon rush and a temporary hot dog high?  There has to be a better way to break our boredom without crushing our bodies.

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