If there is such as thing as the “Blogosphere” I discovered over the weekend it is imploding with the weight of bad intentions gone wrong. We have discussed the perils and predilections of Mommy Blogging in the past — but Baby Blogging — the worst possible aftereffect of The Mommy Bloggers, takes the entire idea of precious children on the internet, into a whole new sad level of self-importance. I read one blog “written” by a one-year-old baby using words like “dimorphic” and “ball sack” and “fistula.”

We also learned what was digested that day, how it came out in the end, and how many times Daddy was punched in the groin by baby’s precocious fist. I’m making it sound much more entertaining and funnier than it was because there were five entries per day for that kind of babbling diarrhea.

What is the point of Mommy writing a blog as if her Baby had written it?

The idea can’t be humor. It must be some sort of prospecting for genius in their offspring:

“My baby was blogging at nine months, what’s your excuse for an illiterate 11-month old?”

The problem will turn on the Mommy in 20 years as the child turns on the prospector.

“During my job interview today, my employer did a Google and found a blog I wrote when I was nine months old.”

“You were a very smart baby! You were the first Baby Blogger in history!”

“I could barely hold my head up at nine months old.”

“The ideas were all yours!” “But mom, I didn’t write it!” “The ideas were all yours! I just helped you write it down. And format it. And publish it on the web. And submit it to search engines. And create a logo. And find you hosting. And nominate you for 9Rules, Round 4: You were the only newborn in the 700 Club and this is how you thank me?!”

“This isn’t plagiarism. This is invention. Your fakery. You wrote something and put my name on it!” “Why are you so upset? Everyone knows a baby can’t write a blog! Babies need help getting online!”

“Yeah. Leave the baby in the crib and keep your children offline. You’re supposed to protect your children, not expose them online to strangers and to falsely prop them up to boost your Mommy ego.”

“Look, it was either you or the dog. Have you seen how many blogs there are out there written by mutts? You were special! You made history by having more blog entries in one day than you had diaper changes! So what if I held your hands over the keyboard to help you press down the keys in proper order? That’s how a mother loves a son!”

21 Comments

  1. I’d say it was a sign of the coming apocalypse, but Dave Barry has already had a glimpse of the end times with the sign of the union of the snake and the mouse.
    Baby blogging must just be an extra reminder that an asteroid, black hole, or gas prices at $6.00 per gallon are about to devastate our way of life!

  2. Hi Chris!
    I agree we must be in The Last Days and when the last Bloggers left behind use baby wipes to clean their keyboards there’s nowhere else to go but down — but wait — we might be able to sink even further when someone gets the idea to have a Dirty Diaper Blog where the Baby Blogger’s diaper writes hourly updates about the precious gifts being deposited between cotton and skin!

  3. I found a site that has a whole bunch of baby bloggers! Actually, these sites are diaries the parents are keeping, so I can understand blogging about the parenting experience.
    I wonder if parents of the pre-crawling bloggers are somehow connected with the parents who are fearful of having their child born on 06-06-06?
    Per the Sunday Times — Britain:

    FOR one group of expectant mothers, their due date holds an extra dimension of dread. The prospect of giving birth on June 6, 6/6/06, has prompted talk of spawning devil children on Armageddon day.

  4. Noooooooooooo! I guess I missed the end of the world, Chris! I’d say “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off” but I think I missed my stop and the ride is over.
    :mrgreen:
    All those babies! All that babbling! It’s over. Now I know why people give up blogging to spend their time on other endeavors. When you’re competing with Dirty Diaper Bloggers, you’re in the wrong company!
    As you know I find numerology fun. 666 is actually quite lucky in some cultures. It’s funny how people can get so influenced by the superstitions of others.

  5. I wonder if there are reptile blogs and bunny blogs and hummingbird blogs?

  7. Oh, I’m not looking, either. I didn’t even click on Chris’ link to the babies. I’m too scared what I’ll find there.

  11. 666 is only evil because it adds up to 18 and that’s a strong number for the jewish people. 666 is evil if you want another reason to hate the children of israel.
    I went to the dmv here in seattle to get my license and the woman printed out my waiting # ticket and it was 666 and she ripped it up because she didn’t want to give me the ‘evil’ number. I wanted to say, “hey, that number is not evil to me – why are you imposing your beliefs on me?”

  12. I love it, Gordon! I’m so glad you let the woman know 666 has a positive meaning for you!
    Here’s another fun story about 666 and the Jews and and and…:
    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/05/23/mobile_number_sold/
    My hometown phone number back in Nebraska ended in 6660 — and so many people would get so scared when I gave them that number! It never bothered my mother — she’s completely un-superstitious but lesser people likely would never have accepted that number in the first place.
    😀

  13. Wouldn’t it be scary if http://www.666.com was a baby blogging site?
    The site turns out not to be little Damien’s blog — it’s just some guy’s personal and quite tame website.
    And, someone in Qatar dropped $2.8 million for phone number 666-6666.
    Writes Mobile Magazine:

    Though we generally equate 666 with the devil, it has a different meaning in Qatar. It is apparently equated with the Arabic word ellah, meaning God.

  14. David,
    I should have looked at your link in your reply to Gordon since it contains the same info about the 666 telephone number.

  17. I’ve never tried it, but I’ve heard that the three digit telephone number 666 connects in certain areas.
    I do know from checking the reverse directory that in NYC and Chicago, there are businesses with 666-6666 telephone numbers.
    Speaking about haunted telephone numbers, when I was in D.C. for my internship, two Indiana University students in the program were assigned a telephone number that I won’t list here because it is currently registered to someone.
    The two women would always get prank calls at all hours of the day, especially from drunk dialers because the number spelled out an obscene message when typed in on the telephone keypad. They never had a problem with people remembering their number when they went out to the bar, however.

  19. Hi David,
    I just came across your comment here when I was going to put a comment about a baby blog that is getting attention in Chicago.
    The area code 666 doesn’t exist (I don’t think). But, if you use 212 or 312 and add the above mentioned number, you’ll be connected to businesses.
    Great link to Snopes about 867-5309. I remember being in the room when a friend dialed that number when I was in middle school. I can’t remember if anyone answered the phone for the kid who dialed.
    Back to the baby blog:
    Robert Feder in the Chicago Sun-Times writes about local TV news anchor Marion Brooks’ video blog.

    Viewers who visit WMAQ-Channel 5’s Web site to check out Marion Brooks’ new baby could be getting more information than they bargained for.
    In the latest installment of her “video blog,” the news anchor and first-time mom talks candidly about her Cesarean section delivery, problems with her uterus that led to an unplanned hysterectomy, and soreness in her nipples caused by breast feeding improperly.

    Here’s the link to Marion’s Baby Blog.

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