Barry was tired of getting kicked around, and he resolved the following for 2012, and he knew it would be a good year because he always did better in years that ended in even numbers.
1. No more “Mr. Nice Guy” — he’d be strong and cruel when called for because he knew he had the people behind him.
2. No more treating childish adults as serious people — he will now wipe them off his pant leg and flush them down the drain.
3. Get the girl — sure, Joe has been a lot of f-in’ fun — but the current Secretary would make a much better second for a second term.
4. Continue to beat down the Kardashians because they’re Hollywood trash that just keeps on giving — just like Sister Souljah before them.
5. Eat less sugar.
6. Continue to smile.
7. Get caught smoking — it’ll help with the blue collar working voters.
Barry knew he was in for a tough fight in the Fall.
He also knew that if he won it all again in 2012, his first-ever second would rule as the first-ever first for eight years after him — cementing his place in history forevermore as the right guy in the right momentous moments.