God realized he had a PR problem.
Satan was more popular and more powerful — and He didn’t know why.
Oh, the empirical evidence was everywhere and in every dell and along every peaked street.
The world was in trouble, but God had a belief problem.
Some liked Him.
Some didn’t.
Should He punish the Believers and and save the Unrepentant?
Or was it better to reward the Faithful and anger the Pagan?
God realized that, ever since the New Testament, His vanity in the world had diminished — and so He decided to make a change for the good by becoming more like His old badass self — and so He decided to taketh back His power from Satan and taketh full credit for putting fear back into the world with more guns and additional shootings and more weather uprisings… all attuned with trembling and fear of eternal damnation… He hoped.
“The end is nigh,” God sighed, “and I hope I’m still around to see how it all ends.”