Alert to All Stations From U.S. Marshall, Florida

[Publisher's Note:  The last Marshall Jamison poem we published here in Boles Blogs was -- Paul's Wife -- on June 15, 2000.  Marshall died  September 2, 2003 at the age of 85.  We still massively miss him.  Boles Blogs author Steve Gaines -- who worked with Marshall in educational television in Nebraska -- recently found the following poem Marshall wrote to celebrate Steve's retirement from the network.  Steve was kind enough to email us Marshall's original, handwritten, poem -- which we are overjoyed to present to you today:  The first new Marshall Jamison poem published here in 13 years; and a decade after his death.]

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Our 2013 Trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida

For months, my wife Elizabeth and I had discussed going to Orlando and taking our son Chaim Yosef to Walt Disney World so that he could see Mickey Mouse and his friends as well as Lightning McQueen from his favorite movie — Cars. We spent quite a lot of time working out finances and started putting the plan in motion when we saw that the airline JetBlue had announced a sale — only $89 each way, quite a discount.  I called my mother and told her that we were thinking about going to visit Chaim’s pals in Florida and she lovingly started asking me if we had the money to go and how it was possible that we could afford it.

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Ugly Luggage is the Best!

When our friend Chad lived with us for a while, one of the big pieces of unexpected decoration that he brought with him was a lime green suitcase. I remarked to him on one occasion that it was by far the ugliest suitcase that I had ever seen.

“I know,” he said, “Isn’t it great?”

I told him that I didn’t understand what he meant by that and he went on to explain.

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In Utero: Getting Reprimanded for Science in Florida

As a relatively new parent, I have to cringe a little bit when other parents ask me certain questions about parenting. Specifically, when they ask me how I am going to approach “potty training” — that term just puts me into a bit of upset. I have yet to find any person who can give me a solid reason why a silly childish term had to be created when a real term — toilet — was already there.  In Florida, the equivalent of the “potty training” substitution is happening on the House floor. State representative Scott Randolph, in part of his argument against union dues being deducted from the paychecks of state employees, used the word “uterus” — and apparently it upset a few people in the House. Randolph was asked to kindly not discuss body parts while on the floor of the House.

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Banning the U-Word while Promoting the Federal Pelvic Exam

Today is April 1st, but what I’m about to tell you isn’t a joke. A woman’s uterus has taken on the stigma of “The N-Word” — at least in Florida — and that part of the, verboten, unspeakable, female anatomy shall heretofore, and ever-after be referred to, in a hushed voice, as: “The U-Word.”

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Tim Tebow: Non-Aborted Fetus, but Crybaby Christian

University of Florida football quarterback, and Heisman Trophy winner, Tim Tebow is the worst kind of Christian:  Self-promoting, crass, entitled, fragile, haughty, and invoking the sacred right of Crybabyism when God doesn’t answer his prayers.  During every football game, Tebow advertises his public love of God in quaint Bible verses printed on homemade eyeblack patches.  Each week his his mommy sends him a list of quotes to use.

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The Retirement Trend Toward Colder Climates

Forget Florida and Arizona as the final destination of carefree living for retirees.

Over the next generation, Colorado and Minnesota will become the new safe-haven for those wishing to spend their Golden Years in comfort as Global Warming trends continue to suffocate and fry us.

No one will want to face the steaming oceans or the baking desert in the coming perpetual heat wave.

We will instead seek out the solace of the cold and the soothing of the snow in order to preserve our burning bodies and to calm our boiling minds.

Hate Mail and Spam

I have decided there is no difference between Hate Mail and Spam. Nobody wants to get either one; they each share the intent to bother and wound; Hate Mail and Spam live to burden and bother.

Do you agree Hate Mail and Spam are the same thing?

If not, what’s the difference between the two?

What is the worst piece of Hate Mail you received?

What was the silliest Spam you found in your Inbox?

When the Golden Years Turn to Gold Dust

by Nancy McDaniel

The saddest part to me is that she seems to be disappearing in front of my eyes. The woman whom I have loved for over 40 years, the woman who married my beloved Daddy and who became my sweet step mom, my dearest Ginny, is vanishing. In her frail old age, she is becoming a fragile piece of paper, a puff of smoke. She is diminishing daily and seems to be evaporating.

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Winter Solstice: The Florida Scene

by Marshall Jamison

So very softly the swift shafts of darkness
invade the fading sunlight.
In shadow, the inner leaves of the orange tree shiver
slightly, anticipating the quick loss of warmth
At the sun’s decline into the dark blue lake.
I hear the distant cry of a seagull flying Nestward
Through the drone of a tiny single engine plane
Seeking sanctuary as well. And my wife,
Ever thoughtful and loving, lights the single lamp
Over my head and suggests with that gesture
That I’d better come in.

A Tall Friend in Florida

by Marshall Jamison

Uninvited but not unwelcome, the tall blue Heron
We call a friend dropped by,
Circled over us once or twice and landed, stiff-legged
Out of the afternoon sky.
He is a popular visitor who comes often for
His lake shore snacks
Of frogs, toads, wriggling water snakes, which
With evident pleasure, he attacks.

But best of all, the fare he seems to truly savor
Are fat bass, small and tender and rich in flavor.

For you see, his gourmet taste has made me
A believer too
And so now when I can catch a batch or even
Only one or two,
I swallow them quickly as I’ve seen him do.

Oh, not raw but boiled, fried or brewed
Swimming in a bubbling stew.

A fine fish dinner, these bass are in a class
Without compare,
So if one day you’d care to share
The lake’s largess with us,
Hop a plane, grab a train, perhaps a Greyhound bus
Even an Indian canoe could bring you too.

We’re almost sure that if you do arrive
The tall blue Heron will greet you
With a fishy welcome
And a very high five.

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