Is this ridiculous thing — reeking of foppish desperation and geek fantasia — the new Urban Chariot? Is our future so doomed by the economy that we’ll be coerced into actually traveling the streets of Manhattan and rolling along the suburban wilds in a P.U.M.A. (Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility) from Segway and General Motors? We know the future is round, but must it also be ugly as well as silly?
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In a previous discussion here about Coughing in the Crook we discussed the use of special “Vomit Pants” that are worn when one takes public transportation.
Some train and bus seats are created completely of plastic so it is a simpler task to avoid a puddle of urine or that bit of dried vomitus waiting to stain your slacks.
The newer busses and trains, however, cleverly use an industrial strength fabric that conceals most disgusting human remnants and provides no visual forewarning before you sit and, therefore, Vomit Pants become the required uniform of the day to avoid messing your good clothes in the muddle of others.
Do you have a special pair of Vomit Pants you wear on the train, bus or airplane to preserve your real outfit for the day? Or do you just risk sitting in someone else’s spew and piddle and let your pants be damned?
The other day I was riding the PATH train from Journal Square to Newark. 30 seconds before the train pulled into the Harrison stop the train’s horn repeatedly sounded and the brakes were applied so hard that several people who were standing in the car lost their balance for more than a moment.