Yes, really, I do know what you mean. So this process where every sentence you utter, or every other sentence, is punctuated by asking me if I know what you mean gets to be extremely aggravating, especially since you never allow me the opportunity to answer your question.

Knowing What You Mean
Rest assured that at the very first moment that I do not know what it is that you mean, you will be the first to know of this lack of knowledge. Until then, maybe you could save the both of us a large chunk of time by not saying it so often. I mean really, I’m positive there is something more productive that I could be doing with my time than listening to you repeatedly asking if I know what you mean, such as breaking into the neighbor’s house to clean their ridiculously dirty fish tank. I’m not even kidding when I say that I think the fish have been trying, through non-verbal communication methods, to plead with me to get the owner to do something about it. But really – I do know what you mean. So please, stop asking.

Apostrophe Now
About your use of apostrophes in certain words: you’re not using them in the right ones. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. It’s not something I relish doing, but I must do it. I mean, I was just looking at this website and when I realized its purpose, I knew I just had to bring it up. That strange looking word you used last week that looked like a combination of the letters i, t, and s followed by an apostrophe? That really doesn’t exist at all. It’s not all that complicated a dilemma as I might be making it sound, really: If you are trying to say “you are,” then you use the apostrophe and you have “you’re.” If, on the other hand, you are referring to a possessive word, then the word you are looking for is “your."

A friend of mine from Colombia used to complain all the time about this problem that people native to the country seem to have, which doesn’t seem to happen when one is not born in the country. I am beginning to think that it might have something to do with the difference between the way that English is taught in other countries and the way that it is taught in America. How is it taught in America? I learned English in this country and don’t seem to make half the glaring errors some people make. I’m pretty sure I’m not that different from the "average Joe" as it were. I’m also pretty sure that my grade school education was not all that different from the average grade school education.

The French
I’m quite happy that you’re incorporating French words into your lexicon, but I’d like to ask that you make some effort to pronounce them in a better manner. When you’re at the business meeting and you say "lah-zay fair", please believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t make for a good impression. Don’t even get me started on how you say "deja vu" and other such words. I mean, I’m not saying you should be speaking words as a native of France might say, but maybe not so much as if you were reading it as it is written.

Don’t quote me on this, but I think you should pay a little more attention to the way you refer to the way you quote people. For one, there’s no such thing as an "unquote." I think that somewhere along the lines of history, someone misunderstood "end quote" as "unquote" and it seemed faster and easier to say. While I’m on the subject, if you’re going to quote something, it seems a little silly if you say "quote end quote" and then the quotation you are trying to quote. It would be the equivalent of writing the following: Then I said to him ""Hi there George, how are you doing you silly man? He didn’t respond to me, though, which was unfortunate. Side note: That which you are quoting is not a quote. Quote is a verb. You are quoting a quotation. Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal, or so I think, but it does make you look a little silly when there is such a massive discrepancy between the way you quote things when you speak and the way you quote things when you are writing. To make it easier, why not just wiggle your pointer and middle fingers in that ever-popular quotation mark like gesture while you are saying that which is being quoted. In other words, at the start of the quotation, start the gesture. Finish at the end of the quotation.

Conclusion
Basically, what I’m saying is that sometimes I have just a little bit of difficulty understanding what it is that you are trying to say, and a lot of the time it is just because of a few words that are mixed around or used in the wrong context. It’s no big deal to me because, well, we are so familiar – it’s the other people out there in that big scary world that I’m worried about. I would hate for it to be the case that you didn’t get a job just because you mixed up a couple of commonly used words on your resume. Did you know that a lot of people have their resumes thrown away, even if they have a great education and experience, just because their resumes are full of spelling and grammar errors? It shows that you didn’t put enough time into writing the resume to correct such errors. If you can’t correct the errors on the resume, when you have all the time in the world to do so, how are you going to be able to do such a thing on the job when you have a schedule to follow? It’s something you should seriously consider – getting a job can be an awfully nice thing. Know what I mean?

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