After yesterday’s post where death was thrust upon the unwilling by the trusted, I began to ponder the natural crook and crumb of our lives and how we decide to spend the blood and bone capital of everyday living.
How do you reconcile the inevitable reality that one day — if it isn’t already here for you — that the road of your life behind you is longer than the remaining living path ahead of you?
Are your remaining days made more precious with the awareness that life is temporal or do you look back in envy at the missteps of a misspent and meandering youth?

20 Comments

  1. I hope that when that realization arises in my mind, I won’t resign myself to simply existing until I’m gone.
    My grandmother, as much as I love her, has spent the past couple of years simply existing. I think she resigns herself to the fact that since her siblings are gone and her friends are gone, she will soon follow. I think she believes 86 years is long enough.
    I don’t believe she has looked for or attempted anything that could bring joy to her life, that could give her a reason to continue living, that could exercise her mind and keep it as sharp as it once was.
    She has spent the past few months having mini-strokes, and the whole family fears that she has mere months, perhaps weeks, left. There might have been no way to avoid these because of her age, but part of me thinks she lost the will to fight them a long time ago.

  2. Hi Carla —
    I suppose every day we tempt the end being nearer and nearer — but it must be quite a different experience to be 86 and find yourself isolated from all the other living comforts of your life.
    It’s a hard thing to sit and wait for the inevitable and it’s probably always best — no matter what your age — to blithely carry on as if the end is not today.

  3. I’m sure it’s hard for her to watch all the people she grew up with passing away, but I look at her then I look at my other grandmother, who while 8 years younger, still finds ways to pass the time.
    She still travels with the senior citizens at her church. She reads books and magazines. She’s the “chauffeur” for several of her friends. When all this Medicare stuff came up, she went and found out the logistics herself and decided what was best for her. She’s had a couple of major surgeries of the past couple of years, but that hasn’t slowed her down a bit.
    That’s the way I want to be! 😀

  4. I was 14 when I was told I’d never have children, and that I’d probably die from cancer. While I don’t trust doctors, and granted I now have two children I most defiantly gave birth to, I had my first cancer scare at 18. The comment of young and healthy, what was that like, I think that was back when I was seven. I’ve been “sick” ever since I was eight or nine, and it only gets worse as I get older. I might be young, but I live my life knowing the chances of me living to a ripe old age is slim (especially considering the surgery I need but am being refused). I don’t “live for the moment”, or maybe I’m tiered of the moment, who knows. At the moment I simply try to live in some relative peace, at least trying to lower my stress levels should help out somewhere.

  5. Wow! Thanks for sharing some of the concerns in your life, krome.obsession. So do you have cancer now or did you then? Or was it all only a scare?
    What is your current concern and why is your surgery being refused?
    I agree living in the moment is the only real choice we have in life and I admire you for being here and there and all around for your children and for the rest of us!

  6. My personal opinion on this is what I do. I live my life the way I want to live and NOT how others expect me to live.
    True happiness and comfort can only be found in doing what YOU want to do for YOURSELF.
    But whilst talking about life and suchlike, I don’t believe that when our bodies die, that that’s it. I believe there is someplace we move onto, on a Spiritual level. And I also believe that there are more lessons for us to learn once we leave this earthplane. And as we progress, we move higher and interact with higher spiritual beings.
    I sound a little crazy I know, but it’s been a long day and I’m tired. I’ve also been suffering from Insomnia. the past two weeks I bet I’ve had less than 30 hours sleep 🙁
    Add that on top of trying to make wedding plans, and you see how nuts my life is right now lol.

  7. I was placed on the screening list at 14 as due to my hormone imbalance I’m considered a high risk for cancer. At 18 I had my first scare, it came back sin1, which means theirs abnormal cells but no one knows what they are. The level has never risen past that, but at the moment I have several lumps that need to be checked. I’m waiting on my medical file to come through from my old doctor and the hospital I frequented before I go to a new doctor to get those checked. I admit I am a little worried about these lumps due to their size, but it’s not like worrying is going to do anything. In fact, it’s my understanding that worrying can make cancer worse.
    When I was 14 I was told that I needed a hysterectomy as that was the only way to remove my ovaries and prevent the damage that was happening to my body from getting worse. As time goes on things get worse, pain gets worse. I can’t even get my tubes tied let alone get a doctor to preform a hysterectomy. I’ve had two unplanned children, and due to medical problems I have no other option that a tubal, and yet I’ve been told they won’t do it till I’m 36. I told them that if I live that long I’ll have a hysterectomy thanks.
    I think the sad thing is that I almost hope to get uterine cancer just so I can have an excuse to remove my ovaries. Pretty sad.
    And Dawn, I believe in spiritual planes of exsistance and a higher learning and meaning. It brings me comfort, drives me to achieve, and paints a smile on my face when my cheeks are tiered. Hopefully one day I’ll be doing the wedding plans too 🙂

  8. krome.obsession —
    What a story! It doesn’t make sense that you are at risk, yet nothing can be done to help you beyond just letting you sit there, having children you do not plan, and suffering from the inside out.
    I hope your lumps turn out to be benign and our good thoughts and energy are with you!

  9. Krome.Obsession I’m sorry for what you’ve been through and are indeed going through now.
    I had my tubes tied after having three Children. I was told that I didn’t have a valid reason for having them untied despite the fact that I suffer from Tubal Syndrome where my monthly cycle is a nightmare.
    I’m hoping now that I live in a different country with a new partner that I might be able to have something done to stop the pain and suffering caused by having my tubes tied. The only obstacle will be finding a Doctor who believes that Tubal Syndrome is a medical problem in the first place.
    I do hope that you check out okay especially with the lumps you have now. Please let us know how you get on with that.