Hosea “The Hosebag” won Top Chef Five last night on Bravo and I can’t remember a more dislikable person winning the whole thing in any previous season — we came close with that awful red-haired witch almost winning it all, but that’s another rant for another day.  Throughout this season’s competition, Hosea was Too Hot for co-cooker contestant Leah, and when they “only kissed” we knew something more happened because neither Hosea nor Leah could look each other in the eye after that “kiss” and their relationship was never the same again. Both Leah and Hosea had betrothed their hearts to others before the competition. Sorry, but I don’t feel like rooting for a Hosebag Cheater as my Top Chef.


Judge Judy loves to say — “If it doesn’t make sense, it isn’t true” — and Hosea’s win doesn’t make any sense at all based on his performance over the season.

If you’re giving Hosea the win for a single meal, as it appeared was the judges’ want last night, he still didn’t measure up to his competitors and we know that by the heavily pro-Hosea American judges excusing his poor performance while UK food critic Toby Young — and fill-in judge this year — appeared perplexed and strangely alone as he rightfully argued European chef Stefan was more consistent across the arc of the season and that his final meal made more sense because he created a dessert even though he wasn’t required to do so.

The winning numbers tell the real story of the season:

Stefan won four Quickfire challenges, four elimination challenges and landed in the top group twice and foundered in the bottom only three times.

Carla, the other finalist, won a Quickfire, three eliminations and was in the top twice and scraped the bottom three times.

However, winning chef Hosea the Hosebag, only won a single Quickfire and two eliminations, he was top two twice and was the worst chef four times.

The winning numbers do not compute in the final analysis.

Stefan was impossible and persnickety throughout the season but, in the end, he knew food and loved flavors, and he was passionate about the history of eating and his want to propagate his good taste in our mouths:  That’s why we love him.

Carla came on strong in the end only to give up her vision to an assistant chef brought in to help Carla realize her final food vision.  Huh?  Exactly!

Hosea’s win makes no sense and stinks of a setup. 

Was there a cultural prejudice against Stefan because he was cocky and “foreign” and Bravo wanted an American to win it all this year?

Why did Bravo want a cheater to win?

Posted by David Boles

David Boles was born in Nebraska and his MFA is from Columbia University in the City of New York. He is an Author, Lyricist, Playwright, Publisher, Editor, Actor, Designer, Director, Poet, Producer, and Boodle Boy for print, radio, television, film, the web and the live stage. With more than 50 books in print, David continues to write 2MM words a year. He has authored over 25K articles and published more. Read the Prairie Voice Archive at Boles.com | Buy his books at David Boles Books Writing & Publishing | Earn the world with David Boles University | Get a script doctored at Script Professor | Touch American Sign Language mastery at Hardcore ASL.

9 Comments

  1. It is deplorable when somebody wins this kind of contest and not on their own merits but just because of the controversy it might stir or because they have some kind of personality they are seeking to propagate, so to speak.

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  2. It was a strange win, Gordon. Bravo really played up the “cheating kiss” angle between the Hosebag and Leah during the series — much to the overall detriment of the show. Even if all they did was “just kiss” — that’s still cheating on your beloved for both of them and it leaves a bad residue behind… especially when the immoral character flaw is crowned the victor.

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  3. Gordon Davidescu February 26, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    He is indeed a hosebag. Had he the proper record required for a win it would have been different, but he did not.

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  4. Gordon —
    I think you’re right about that. If it had been Stefan who had the “kiss” under the same personal circumstance as Hosea — it would be harder to argue the moral point against his winning because Stephan’s cooking is so other-worldly that it makes you want to create a values exemption for him — whereas with Hosea — you do not want to accommodate his immorality because his talent doesn’t earn him that right.
    http://urbansemiotic.com/2009/02/26/standard-deviation-or-exception/

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  5. Gordon Davidescu February 26, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Hmmm. Is the hoser the standard deviation or the exception?:)

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  6. It is absolutely standard deviation, Gordon! SMILE!

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  7. Ah-ha!
    The plot thickens as judge Toby Young speaks:

    I asked Tom at the outset whether the same rule applied to judging the finale as it did to all the other challenges, namely, that we had to disregard everything the chefs had done before and judge them entirely on their performance that day. He said it did, but with one caveat: if we whittled the finalists down to two, and there was nothing to choose between them, we could bring in their past performances as a tie-breaker.

    http://www.bravotv.com/top-chef/blogs/toby-young/in-defense-of-stefan

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  8. […] the faux and the phony and the entire franchise.  Cancel all the Hausfrau shows and give us more Top Chef […]

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  9. […] 9 came to an end in a rightful and righteous win for contestant Paul Qui.  Unlike previous seasons when unkind and lowly people won the top title, Paul’s win was necessary and appropriate for a continuation of that series […]

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