The GOP is in trouble and today, I will offer my conservative adversaries ten things they must do to regain relevance in the localized world of politics.  As a wild liberal, I feel it is my duty as an American citizen to restore the political balance in the USA — Obama is whupping fundamentalist Republican arse — and we need to restore some sort of intelligent, loyal, opposition in order to maintain a society where ideas matter more than ideals. 

We need respectful checks and balances — we haven’t had that for the
last eight years — and here’s how we can get back to doing the
business of the United States instead of the bidding for personal,
private, political gain:

Be Nice
You have the awful reputation of being whiners and angry opportunists.  We loathe your love of the biting comment and the condescending put-down.  Michael Steele had it right at the start:  Divorce Limbaugh and Beck and Malkin and Coulter and all the other cruel conservative voices that claim to set the national, conservative, standard while they really only care about their own careers and the promotion of their own self-interest.  “These people do not speak for, or run, the Republican Party.  If you support them, you are not a proper conservative.”  Say that, and the rest of us will begin to respect you for cutting out the cruel.

Lose the Religion
The GOP used to be about fiscal responsibility and small government.  Under Dubya, you all became fatted calves and now you’re coming home to the slaughter of your making.  Do not ever invoke God as a mandate or refer to “the other father” in public when you speak about the best interests of the nation. The great thing about the USA is we are all free to practice, or not, any religion we like.  When you try to reform the rest of us with a narrow, spiteful, reformist, end-of-the-world fundamentalist Christian rhetoric, we turn you off and we turn the other cheek and vote for the other guy.

Make Intelligence Important Again

For some reason, the brilliant minds of the GOP have been silenced in favor of “regular guy” politicians.  That is a deadly road to tumble down because you play to the lowest common denominator and that means you are unable to reach up to rise above the rabble of emotion for the cool and convincing intellectual argument.

Do Not Lie
It’s too easy to catch you in lies.  Michelle Bachman and Fox News are the current epitomes of precisely why the rest of the world hates you.  You lie, you get caught, you lie that you never spewed the lie in the first place.  It’s silly and contemptuously childlike.  We’re laughing at you on YouTube.  Senator Macaca anyone?

Support Obama
We know you hate Obama, so surprise us and try to get along with him.  Work with him.  Gently provide insight for us as to why you have a better idea than he does instead of just yelling to be infantile and disagreeable.  We’ll like you better if you pretend to be honorable and get along with Obama for the best forward momentum of our nation.  We understand you can disagree with someone without being vicious.  We want to know you get that, too.

Fess Up
Bush and Cheney did a lot of ugly, awful, illegal things while you silently stood by and let it all happen.  There is nothing wrong in saying now, “Mistakes were made.  Let’s find out what really happened.”  We will respect you for doing the right thing instead of just the thing that best protects lawbreakers and torturers.

There are a lot of Americans angry with you.  You may not understand the rage.  You may not accept your public shunning.  Apologize for your bad behavior and your failed due diligence anyway.  Be specific.  Be remorseful.  Do not provide any exceptions or excuses.  Be honest and genuine.

Get New Faces
We are tired of the old faces.  That’s why Obama is so beloved.  He was new and he was passionate.  You have to get rid of all your mean men like Cantor, Boehner, McCain and McConnell and Rove and all the others in the Old White Guys club.  We do not want screaming meanies like Palin or Bachman, either.  Give us graciousness and genuine goodness.  Build up.  Don’t tear down.  Jindal was the facetious and obvious pickaninny pick — you must do better and you must not look desperate and ugly in your promotion of the people you want us to trust.  Bear down without doubling down. 

Support Public Education
The way to win international hearts again is with innovation and ingeniousness.  That means we need to pour money into public education.  We need brilliant minds and talented craftsmen.  Instead of cutting education support, make it your mandate.  That will pull directly at Obama’s core loyalty.  Free education.  Discounted student loans.  Encourage learning and science and logic and proof.

No More Name Calling
We don’t like it when you call people names or condescend to the worst in us just to get a giggle or a titter in exchange for a vote.  When others in your party begin to bully and cajole, stand up and correct them.  Tell them with us watching that their behavior is inappropriate and, frankly, nasty and unwanted.  Only stupid people laugh at cruelty and if you don’t want to continue to be the party of bottom feeders and sycophants, you need to make a change for the good right now.

The GOP is risking irrelevance if the party does not begin to employ these fixes for the core of their belief system.

The USA needs goodness and love and smarts and a kind and respectful debate using logic and ideas and not morality or emotion — and right now the GOP appears to relish their gutter role in society as the degrading minority of minorities and that needs to change if the GOP be saved.


  1. An excellent list of suggestions, David. It would be great if people actually did any of them. 🙂

  2. Hi Gordon!
    I don’t think they’ll do any of my suggestions and the hardcore of them will mock and condescend to everything I said.
    The GOP will, in my estimation, ruin whatever goodwill they have left with the rest of America over the gathering fight over the Souter replacement.

  3. I think that your list is admirable. It would be wonderful if “we the people” actually could achieve that good character and respect for one another regardless of our political favor. The nature of politics is that, if they were a good person before they went into office, they primarily won’t be by the time they get out. Money does talk, unfortunately!
    The only real concern that I have about this article is that it’s allegorizing. If we reflect on both parties we can shamefully identify lack of character and injustice, lying, deceit, and animosity running pretty even on both sides. For example, Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, not to mention, Bill Clinton while still in the “chief executive office” lying nationally under oath about the sexual relations between he and Monica Lewinski. We, the United States, became a national laughing stock! Honestly, former President Bill Clinton should have been impeached! He was in the highest role model position.
    However, the list of names from the GOP that you mentioned are guilty of the accusations you pointed out as well. I, without hesitation, would loudly and boldly proclaim that Rush Limbaugh is a complete embarrassment to our good country.
    Factually, until “we the people” come to the place where we can pull together as one nation, under God, and all members of our government abide by the old motto “of the people, for the people, by the people” it’s profoundly hard to imagine where our future is taking us as a nation!

  4. Hi Kimberley —
    I’m really only dealing with the power players now. I don’t consider the Clintons any sort of democrat force any longer. The party belongs to Obama; and the GOP, unfortunately, belongs to Limbaugh.
    I read something interesting today: Bill Clinton lied about sex with an intern and was impeached while George W. Bush lied about torture and nobody seems to care. That punishing disconnect between morality and honor is alarming to me.

  5. I understand. I got the point. I’m just saying that predominantly the evils are parallel in both parties. We could pull a lot of rabbits out of the GOP’s hat as with the Democratic party’s hat. It would be nice if they would do a disappearing act … and go away!
    We have been lied to for so long by whomever is in the “power players” seat that I don’t think the people are in a “trusting” mood any longer. I realize that your environment is much different than where I live but here no one is happy and my state is divided as far as party preferences go. They were not pleased with Bush and they are already disgusted with Obama. Apparently, what is beneficial for the bigger cities is not necessarily beneficial for those feeling the crunch in Kentucky.
    Oh, you are being kind about George W. Bush. He is guilty of much worse as far as I’m concerned. I don’t really see that as me being a traitor to my registered party either. In all honesty, I vote for whomever I think is the better person and the more qualified despite their party proclamation.
    In my perspective, I think the leaders of the GOP have simply lost their vision or at least their out of focus with the reality of things. On the other hand, I think that Obama is a rehearsed speech and a good orator publicly. He has done little to improve the conditions in my state at this point, but there is still time to rectify himself in the eyes of the small town farmers.
    As I stated before, we are looking on … daring to hope! Will we be impressed or let down … again? Who’s to say! Only time will give us that answer.

  6. I love your points, Kimberley, and I certainly agree with you: The entire two-party system is broken! We’re the ones left behind to foot the bill and deal with the pain. The politicians give themselves the best health benefits and the most perks and the best insider advantages and the rest of the country is left divided and suffering. Some union.

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