Filed under the category of TMI — Too Much Information — is rocker Bryan Adam’s recent revelation that his teen anthem, “Summer of ’69” isn’t a nostalgic look back at a quiet, more romantic time in his life, but rather an ode to honor the “69” sexual position.

The 69er got its name because the numbers are head-to-toe — as you are when you’re doing it! Put simply, it’s a sexual position that allows each of you to give and receive oral sex simultaneously. The usual position is you on top of him, with your bottom pointed toward his face, genitals lowered so he can lick them. Meanwhile, your mouth is positioned above his penis.

Um.

“Ugh.”

Did we really need Bryan to tell us the genesis of a great song?  Why can’t he be more like The Beatles who refuse to comment on the intention or meaning of any of their lyrics because they know, unlike Adams, that people personalize lyrics to make songs mean something internal, and to redefine what has already been labeled and notched is to rip out the bone and the sinew of private memeings.

Bryan Adams was on a recent Palladia show explaining his hit “Summer of ’69” and he was giggling as he revealed the song was not about the year, but rather the sexual position.  It was a disgusting revelation for anyone who held that song close to their tender heart, and Adams provided a whole new twist on the closing lyric as harsh new visions of humping and licking and sucking now take over the previous memory of the moment:

Back in the summer of 69, uh-huh
It was the summer of 69, oh yeah, me ‘n my baby in 69
It was the summer, the summer, summer of 69

Here’s the original music video for the song.  Will you ever be able to watch “Summer of ’69” the same way again?

I suppose Bryan Adams’ sin against our melancholy memories isn’t as rancid as learning Slipknot’s best songs were written in a pornography store bathroom —

Slipknot singer Corey Taylor has revealed that the songs on Slipknot’s first album were mostly written in the bathroom of a pornography store. The frontman told The Guardian that he used his time at the shop to inspire the band’s early stuff.

“The lyrics for the first Slipknot album were written in the bathroom, while I was working 9 a.m. ’til 8 p.m. at a porn shop,” he said. “I would always have my notebook and pen, and for some reason, every time I’d go to the bathroom I’d start writing something great.”

— but I also think Bryan’s fan base is a little more humanly mainstream than the ‘Knot’s.

Bryan Adams unnecessarily tainted the legacy of “Summer of ’69” — and he doesn’t seem to care — even as we mourn his forced redefinition of a classic lyric.

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