Every day America gets lazier and fatter and more bored — and for proof of that argument, we only need to look at the fast food enticements pocking our diets.  The new “Hot Dog Stuffed Crust” pizza from Pizza Hut hits a new all-time low in massive, cynical, consumerism in the family dining niche.  Who wants mustard on their pizza?

Do we really need hot dogs in our pizzas?  What’s the point of it?  To give us two meals in one?  How soon can we have pizzas stuffed in hot dogs?  I’m definitely missing something here on the “I Must Put This In My Mouth” scale of dietary thinking.

Even more confounding is the “I Put Bacon in My Bed” movement where bacon is added to everything to make it better because everyone loves bacon.

The new “Maple Bacon Sundae” can be had — and eaten! — now at Denny’s.  I wonder if you have to pour the maple syrup on your own bacon sundae?

Not to be outdone or left behind on the greasy bacon griddle, Burger King now jams a big slab of hog in their new “Bacon Sundae.”  I’m sorry, but if you’re going to offer a “bacon sundae” the bacon should be an integral part of the ice cream and not something stuck in the desert like a conqueror’s colors.

Perhaps Jack-in-the-Box gets the bacon frenzy right by offering a “Bacon Shake” that looks like the bacon is actually a part of the shake.  If you must add bacon to a dessert, making the pig the star ingredient is a requisite.

Hot Dogs and bacon are terrible for your body.  They’re salty and full of fat.  You cannot routinely eat bacon and hot dogs or you will die.  It’s just that simple.  Eating bad stuff makes your body bad and non-responsive.  Do you really want to give up your longevity for a fleeting bacon rush and a temporary hot dog high?  There has to be a better way to break our boredom without crushing our bodies.

Posted by David Boles

David Boles was born in Nebraska and his MFA is from Columbia University in the City of New York. He is an Author, Lyricist, Playwright, Publisher, Editor, Actor, Designer, Director, Poet, Producer, and Boodle Boy for print, radio, television, film, the web and the live stage. With more than 50 books in print, David continues to write 2MM words a year. He has authored over 25K articles and published more. Read the Prairie Voice Archive at Boles.com | Buy his books at David Boles Books Writing & Publishing | Earn the world with David Boles University | Get a script doctored at Script Professor | Touch American Sign Language mastery at Hardcore ASL.

9 Comments

  1. Definitely bored. I’m sure we’ll see pretzels in hot dogs and ice cream in deviled ham soon.

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    1. Ha! I think you’re right about that! I would prefer just to take a pill everyday to meet my nutrition requirements. Actual “eating” is overrated.

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  2. Not for me, I’m afriad. I like fresh vegetables and fruits. Not gonna take in all those chemicals.

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    1. Me too. I’ll take the fresh over the disturbed and processed every day.

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  3. I saw two of these and thought wow, we really can’t do better in terms of cuisine?

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    1. It’s probably some sort of overall scheme to make us sicker so we can keep the health industry afloat for generations to come. SMILE!

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  4. You got to be kidding! Icecream with bacon?? Both are murdered, royally. 😦

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    1. It’s a horrible taste that I can’t imagine wanting to combine. Almost as awful as garlic ice cream.

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  5. […] you read things you cannot comprehend were actually given life in the giggling light of day.  A recent example of this non-awesomeness happened last month in Trenton, New Jersey when it was […]

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