Page 558 of 562

Posted on

Race for Naturalization

There’s a strange aftershock going on around the country that may surprise you on a gut level. When President Clinton signed the Welfare Reform bill and made it the law of the land, many liberals shouted that it would be the children who would suffer most. In fact, the children of our society are quite protected from falling through the gaps. Programs are still in place that will provide for the continued welfare of any child in need.

Land of Opportunity
Many legal immigrants who come to this country purposefully give birth to their children here in the USA so their kids will be American Citizens. This guarantees that their children will be able to take advantage of WIC (Welfare for Infants and Children) and SSI (Supplemental Security Income), Food Stamps and Welfare at any time they are in need and many parents use the child’s benefits to satisfy their own needs.

The Line Forms Here
Childless legal immigrants welfare recipients are not quite so lucky thanks to the Clinton Welfare Reform Bill. On August 1, 1997, their Welfare checks, SSI, HR (Home Relief) and other benefits will stop unless and until they become naturalized citizens of The United States of America. You can imagine the scenario that is presently wending its way through many Federal buildings throughout our fair land. If you can’t envision it, let me paint some numbers for you of images dotting our amber waves of grain.

Continue reading → Race for Naturalization

Posted on

Sheep Cloning: Sheep Cloning

Can you believe they cloned a sheep in Roslin, Scotland? The penultimate ramifications of such a wildly successful operation bodes darkness for Humankind precisely because “survival of the fittest” will no longer be the watershed test for creating and sustaining life. Our Evolutional mantra will have to change to “survival of the richest, smartest and most beautiful” instead.

Continue reading → Sheep Cloning: Sheep Cloning

Posted on

A Shooting in New York: Survival Tips for the Wary

After the shooting of eight tourists on the Empire State Building’s Observation Deck yesterday by a disgruntled 69 year old man from Palestine, it’s my duty, as ten year New York resident and publisher of this international magazine to offer you some tips for surviving the Big Apple.

Analysis of an Assassination
Before we get to the hardcore survival tips, let’s examine precisely what happened during the Empire State Building shooting. The disgruntled man was touring the Observation Deck from 4 pm to 5 pm and he was alone and muttering to himself during that hour. At 5 pm he dropped to his knees, started praying aloud and then he drew his handgun and immediately assassinated a young Dutch musician by firing a single bullet into the base of his skull.

After the initial shot, everyone on the Observation Deck panicked and a stampede began as the Palestinian squeezed off 7 more shots. As hot lead flew, a five month old child took a bullet in the side; a man from Queens was punctured by a slug in his thigh; a six year old was shot in the arm; a mother was grazed on the elbow and three others were mildly wounded. Other women and children were injured by a stampede of Tourists pushing each other to get out of the way of the bullets.

Continue reading → A Shooting in New York: Survival Tips for the Wary

Posted on

These Truths

by Marshall Jamison

We don’t hear their words with true respect
Nor do we honor what they mean,
Those words they wrote and spoke with pride
Before they left the scene.
We Hold These Truths To Be — they are
Only if we make them so!

All Men Are Created Equal says their dream.

Never to be whispered low
But trumpeted boldly on the wind,
Carrying to all this message of
Real worth:
Have respect, for all who honor those words
Fashioned at our Country’s birth,
By the wise men who created and trusted
Their great master plan,
Showing by example, their true belief in
The brotherhood of man.

Posted on

High Fliers on Demand

by Marshall Jamison

“Write something about ospreys and eagles,”
My Maine Sister-in-Law says to me.
Never before has she shown that much interest in my poetry
and it gave me pause because she’s extremely
pretty – has a brain to match her looks – so I considered her words carefully.

Then thought back to my boyhood days,
In Summer when I prowled the rocky shore,
Fished for flounders in the bay, dreamed of
Outer islands I’d discover and explore,
So when a lobsterman I knew said he was
setting traps out there,
At four in the morning I got up to go
With him any and everywhere.

Out there on the isles we found the ospreys, nests high
in stunted island pines, buffeted by
Sea winds, apart,
Secure in attitude.

We watched them from afar, understanding
They weren’t being rude
But that they’d learned from their friends,
The Eagles,
The joy, the peace in quiet solitude.

Posted on

Ugly Ass Shoes that Fit Like a Glove

I’ve been able to restrain myself until this moment from writing about the O. J. Simpson matter, but now, with the return of the liable verdict against The Juice from The Jury — the time is ripe for picking a response. For over 2.7 years, the Goldmans and the Browns have suffered the loss of their beloved children while a dismayed nation looked upon their plight with pity and terror. While many of you are familiar with much of the case, allow me a moment to address some of the hotter issues as I see them.

Continue reading → Ugly Ass Shoes that Fit Like a Glove

Posted on

What a Difference a Day Makes

by Greg Schaffer

How do you turn from the Goat of the NBA to a Star in a matter of 24 hours? How can 1,440 minutes alter sports talk radio conversations from a stab at your very core to praises in your behalf? Ask the Utah Jazz!

Blowout Win?
On Tuesday night, February 3rd, the 30-14 Utah Jazz went to The Pond in Anaheim, California to face the 10-37 LA Clippers. Many people saw this as another blowout win for the surging Jazz. How wrong they were! Reserve guard James Robinson lit-up the Jazz with a season-high 25 points, which included 5-9 from “3 point land,” to lead the Clippers to a 111-102 victory. This win helped stop the Clippers 8 game losing streak. The Jazz were able to hold the lead once, early in the first quarter, 20-19. It only lasted for 39 seconds. From that point on the Clippers never looked back. In the third quarter they lead by as many as 21 points. The Jazz were able to cut the lead to 4 points early in the fourth but never threatened again.

Continue reading → What a Difference a Day Makes

Posted on

A Memory of Emily

by Marshall Jamison

On the windswept lake a wild duck sets down quietly,
Folds and refolds his wings carefully
As if to put them away for a while.
A female mallard, that we like to think of as his mate,
Hovers along the shore over tiny ducklings, that in the dark,
we count at eight.

In the early partial sunshine of the next day’s morning light,
Our six year old granddaughter happily corrects my count
to ten.

Tiny, brown, lively, constantly chirping newcomers to the
experience of life,
Often fraught with danger but with their new found joy,
Exploration.

A discovery of earth, water, sky and shore, of maternal care,
And on her part, what may surely be described as love.

For the new mother’s constant supervision and concern
Is a revelation to all of us who watch the family’s growth
And sad to say, some of its members’ death.

For the joy of new found life was shortened for almost
Half the brood by occurrences their watchful guardian
Could not control:
The wake of a speedboat’s churning propeller
A hawk’s lightning bolt descent and attack and
An off shore gall that blew two of them away from
Her sheltering wings.

Now the remaining mallard family has responded
To the allure of the horizon and may no longer
be seen along our shore.

They share a wider vision of sky, earth and sea
With all living creatures wild and free.

Posted on

The Second Mates Watch

by Marshall Jamison

John Masefield, master poet of the sea,
and of sailors lives when far off shore,
Knew how it felt to stalk the bridge
on long night hours, twelve to four,
While your shipmates rest below,
secure in well earned sleep
Because they know the midnight watch
is surely yours to keep.
When the moon is shining bright on
the rolling white capped sea
Or when curling, curtaining grey fog
hangs there heavily
Cutting off the view of much you strain to see.

Any panic that is present disappears in
silent prayer
To the Watcher who protects and comforts
sailors everywhere.

To meet the late night’s challenge is
the mates’ proud regimen
And night after night he gladly greets
his duty to his fellow men.

Posted on

Nevertheless

by Joyce Kohl

Attending college, age forty-three
T’ain’t so easy, believe you me.
Over the hill, sliding down fast,
Up on my feet, up, off to class.

Continue reading → Nevertheless