Eating, sleeping and filling diapers — this we are told fills the entirety of a baby’s existence for a good long time. There are many months between birth and the change in this truth. While it holds true (and even for awhile afterward) it is important to be able to be aware of the baby’s status regarding these three activities. When the question arises “when was the last time we changed his diaper?” The correct answer is never going to be “I don’t know.”
I was walking down the aisles of Metropolitan Market, the small locally owned supermarket that was across the street from my former apartment in Seattle with my now wife Elizabeth — we were looking for food that was tasty, locally sourced, and kosher. At some point we passed by some baby related items and a medium sized package caught both of our eyes. It was a gDiaper starter kit, meant to help new parents with their baby — the g in the name was what really stood out, as we knew immediately that it must stand for green, or environmentally friendly.
It’s two in the morning and my son is crying. I stir a little bit and turn to my right and notice that my wife, Elizabeth, is not there next to me and that our son is in his bassinet, possibly the reason he is crying. My wife has chosen to commit the crime of needing to use the facilities. I get up and quickly pick up young Chaim Yosi and cradle him in my arms, rocking him gently until he falls back asleep. I know that he will do better in the arms of his mother — not just because I’m afraid of rolling around wildly in my sleep. I ultimately get back to sleep and wake up, refreshed. This beautiful scenario is not always how things have been in our happy home.
We all know abstinence, as a birth control method, is not a good way to avoid pregnancy because the failure rate for abstinence is 100% if a tiny drop of a mistake is made — and many young people today have variable definitions of sex that goes far beyond simple penile penetration of the vagina. You have your sloppy oral sex. You have your crude anal sex. You have your various raw rubbings and rubbery gruntings in the back seats of cars and on den sofas. You don’t know when a drip or a dribble might take a turn for the worse and a baby is the made as the result of a quick-release lust. MTV has a terrific show called — 16 and Pregnant — and it is a magnificent piece of reality television that puts the truth to the lie that unplanned teen pregnancies, and unwed teen moms, are something to be celebrated in the media.
Continue reading → MTV’s 16 and Pregnant Reveals Punishing Sorrows
This was a spectacular year for me, all things considered. While I didn’t particularly watch a lot of television, or see too many films, it was definitely one of the best years of my life if not the best year thusfar. Let’s see why — starting with my favorite things of the year and then moving onto why I really loved the year.
Movies and Television
I didn’t go out to the movie theater too many times this year. It wasn’t a matter of not having any interest in the films being played, but rather of having my time being taken up by actual living, so to speak. When I did get to the theater, it was only for a couple of films that I really wanted to see. A bit of a contrast with, say, the summer of 2004 when Elizabeth and I somehow managed to see practically every movie playing in the theaters.
The two films that I distinctly remember seeing in theaters were the Woody Allen film You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger and Toy Story 3. I particularly liked You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger though, predictably, it was panned by many critics. Was it a film of tremendous substance? It certainly was not — even the film admits it in a roundabout way as it opens, referencing Macbeth who said that life was “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…” Nevertheless, this tale was a fun one to watch.
His mother encouraged him from the beginning — he knew exactly what he wanted.
Continue reading → His Eyes on the Prize: Ten Sentence Story #107
Jason Clay Lewis sent me an email yesterday announcing the newest bouncing bundle to his family: Tat Baby!
Say “no” to whimpering and simpering
culling the adult infant.
Today, I propose the immediate ban on any celebrity using a “Baby Wave”
— the slow opening and closing of spread fingers closing into a fist with the palm facing you — that red carpet fame carpetbaggers like Paris Hilton and Penelope Cruz and many others routinely use instead of a proper, flat-handed, wave that pivots on the wrist from a visible elbow anchored to the side of the body. In the image below, we have the perfected example of a proper Baby Wave — from Heath Ledger’s daughter Matilda— and since the Baby Wave is from a celebrity baby, we’re fine its flexing and extension.
Calgary Transit doesn’t want naked babies on its advertising billboards.
Especially one that is 16 feet long, smeared in blood and with its umbilical cord in plain view.
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