Today, I propose we enact a new rule when it comes to the Art of Human Living: Outlawing Crafting. I realize this idea may be less popular than Jonathan Swift’s “Modest Proposal” — commoditizing children by eating babies in the time of economic hardship — and I’m sure there are some among us who will also accuse me of treachery against the American Spirit.
We live to pretend to recreate Art from the junk of others.
I have always been shocked and amazed when people we know and love take time and effort to publish — what they’re about to turn into poop — on the public interwebs. Yes, I’m taking about the infectious internets viral phenomenon we’ll call… “Food Imagery and the Mastication Memorial.”
It was announced last Friday the Naked Chocolate Jesus art exhibit was cancelled due to protests from the Catholic Church. I was surprised at the church’s revulsion with Jesus in any art form. You can already buy chocolate Marys and Jesuses online.
Am I the only one who knows how to properly toast bread into a work of art? Toasting is simple, fun and addictive and you can do it with a $9.99 toaster (or a $9.00 toaster if you’re a man). The first rule of toasting is to turn up the heat high enough and long enough so the toast changes color to a golden earthiness and changes texture to a crusty crunch on the outside while the inner mantle is still moist and soft: You want brown edges and tanned face.