The Legacy of Losing
I think this would make a wonderful holiday card for the Bush family in the final year of their bloodthirsty dynasty:
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The Failure of Unceasing Applause
Can there be a deadly condition of “too much applause” that is bad for the body and damaging to the community whole? Is it more cruel to sit on your hands and withhold applause — or is it better to applaud to show support and how well mannered you are no matter who or what or why your hands are making sound against each other?
The Decider: When a Father Fails a Son
There is no greater crushing experience — or necessary duty — than when a father must tell a son he is not good enough; he does not measure up; he is not the man he was born to be:
FATHER: I know you tried, but you did not make the football team.
SON: But Dad! I went to every practice! I did my best! I did everything you and the coach asked.
FATHER: Yes, you did everything you could but it wasn’t enough, son. There are other boys who play ball better than you. You just don’t have the talent. I’m sorry.
SON: You lied to me! You told me I could do anything I wanted if I only tried!
FATHER: You just aren’t good enough to play football but that doesn’t mean we can’t try something else.
Why Howard Stern Will Fail
Today is Howard Stern’s last day on regular radio. In a few weeks he will disappear on satellite radio where you will have to pay to hear him. Howard is being paid $500 million over the next five years to fade away and that’s an offer that would be hard for anyone to turn down. I miss the early days when Howard was cutting-edge funny and was the hero of the ordinary person struggling to make it from one day to the next.
The Decline and Fall of FedEx
[UPDATED DECEMBER 17, 2003: If you work for FedEx, please do not email me with your comments about how wonderful FedEx is to everyone across the globe. My experience speaks separately from yours. I recently paid for Overnight Priority FedEx shipping from a software company (FedEx is the only overnight delivery service they use) and the box arrived at 5pm, not by 10:30am as promised on the FedEx tracking website. The software company had no idea what happened. FedEx, of course, blamed the shipper. When my box arrived, I called the software company and read the tracking information on the box. They were struck silly because that label was not THEIR label and I concur that the label was generic. At the software company shipping department’s urging, I then peeled off the “fake” Standard Overnight label and found the original shipper’s label with logo underneath — with a different tracking number — that stated the box was, indeed, originally marked “Priority Overnight.” While I have no idea who replaced the original label, the question of why is not in doubt.]
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