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Why the Academy Awards No Longer Matter

The yearly borefest that has become the Academy Awards droned on and on last night and, as usual, the whole affair was bloated and inconsequential and wholly predictable and not even the pre-show babble could salvage the comedic fratricide:

The awards were presented during last night’s absurdly boring, completely masturbatory ceremony. Before it began, red carpet diva and American Idol host Ryan Seacrest became the butt of Sacha Baron Cohen’s alleged sense of humor, when the actor, dressed as his impossibly stupid new character from The Dictator, pretended to spill Kim Jong-Il’s ashes (actually pancake mix) on Seacrest. I’m not the biggest Seacrest fan, but this wasn’t even remotely comedic, and even made me feel sorry for Seacrest. The moment was made even more insufferable by Seacrest’s constant retelling of the story, and his fellow E! hosts’ excitement that he was “chosen” by Sacha Baron Cohen for his stupidity.

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Favorites of 2010

This was a spectacular year for me, all things considered. While I didn’t particularly watch a lot of television, or see too many films, it was definitely one of the best years of my life if not the best year thusfar. Let’s see why — starting with my favorite things of the year and then moving onto why I really loved the year.

Movies and Television
I didn’t go out to the movie theater too many times this year. It wasn’t a matter of not having any interest in the films being played, but rather of having my time being taken up by actual living, so to speak. When I did get to the theater, it was only for a couple of films that I really wanted to see. A bit of a contrast with, say, the summer of 2004 when Elizabeth and I somehow managed to see practically every movie playing in the theaters.

The two films that I distinctly remember seeing in theaters were the Woody Allen film You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger and Toy Story 3. I particularly liked You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger though, predictably, it was panned by many critics. Was it a film of tremendous substance? It certainly was not — even the film admits it in a roundabout way as it opens, referencing Macbeth who said that life was “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…” Nevertheless, this tale was a fun one to watch.

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Why the American Musical Theatre Must Have an Aesthetic Morality

The American Musical Theatre needs to have an Aesthetic Morality — because it does not yet have any sort of directional mandate for excellence — other than the annual, presumptive, parade of giving out incestuous Tony and Drama Desk awards to their own for shared masturbatory adoration.

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3D Movie Glasses Deliver Pink Eye

I used to make fun of advertisements for cleaning products that promised to keep your home sterile, based on lessons I had learned from my late grandmother about how over-sterilization leads to more infection. More and more doctors are coming on board and agreeing that a sterile environment ultimately weakens the immune system. When you go abroad and everyone is just fine but you suddenly get sick, it’s precisely because of this over-sterilization. However, I have come to have second thoughts about this but particularly to one aspect of life — going to see films and presentations where you are given 3D movie glasses.

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Woe of the Child Actor

There’s nothing sadder in entertainment than watching a child act on stage or on screen because we know that media adventure can and will only damage the future adult in the child.

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To Go East or West

When you are born into the unimaginative middling Midlands of the United States, the question you must put to yourself as an artist upon reaching the age of consent is: “Which way do I get out of here?”  Many are never brave enough to ask that question while a tender few take the path of safety and satiety and move South to Kansas City or North to Minneapolis or Chicago.  The rest of us head out headlong into the left or right and that is the keystone question of the day:  “Do I go East or West?”

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Marlon Brando and the Promise of Danger

Danger is the most important essence an actor can bring to the stage because it is nigh impossible to capture.  The most dangerous actor in the history of the American Theatre is Marlon Brando.

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