An Open Letter to Trader Joe's About Their New Kosher Uncertified Soy Chicken-less Tenders

We need to have a serious conversation, Trader Joe’s. You know well that my family comes to visit you, on average, about once a week and sometimes more when the weather is nice and we want to take a walk in your direction. You may recall that a number of months ago, you decided to slowly replace your soy chicken-less chicken nuggets with something called chicken-less breaded tenders. At first you had both products at once, but then over time you stopped stocking the nuggets. This has had a negative impact on my family.

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Tofurkey Time!

Today we will be chowing down on a ball of Tofurkey stuffed with stuffing. Tofurkey is a semi-delicious,Tofurkey! Vegan, fat-free “turkey replacement” and it is quite delish.

Some people who still eat turkey sometimes ask those of us who don’t eat animals why we would choose to eat an “animal replacement” that tastes like the meat we are trying to avoid.

To those silly few my answer to their inquiry is this: “You obviously haven’t tried Tofurkey, because if you had, you’d know it tastes nothing like turkey!”

There are many Vegans among us who are unable to enjoy the soy health benefits of Tofurkey because of its peculiar taste, and we do pity those poor few as we slice and dice our hot and juicy ball of tofu — all in the name of celebrating the land and delighting in grand company.