We know the danger of Celebrity Twinning — and the latest rumor is Mariah Carey and her unfortunate husband, Nick Cannon, have also gone the misbegotten twins route — but there is another fame-frenzy station that is setting the new standard for crazy and, once again, our beloved Mariah and Nick are at the creamy center of Celebrity Marriage Vow Renewal: The Re-Wed Retread. Mariah and Nick get remarried each year because they are clearly insecure with each other and, in the ultimate public rebuke that only adults should marry, Nick gave Mariah her very own jewel-encrusted baby pacifier as an anniversary/re-tread gift this year. Nick Cannon’s public infantilization of his baby mama is simply spew-inspiring in a really ugly, and unfunny, way.
Why do we require Blood Oaths and Sacred Vows? Why isn’t a person’s word their bond? Why bring the body and holy into the covenant of our truth telling with others?
Why do we place more value in vows sworn on Bibles and other imbued relics than simply assuming one will tell the truth by default?
Is there an added potency to a claim when it is sworn “on my dead mother’s grave?” What is the purpose of secret handshakes, candlelight ceremonies and swearing in those who seek public service? Is our punishment more severe when blood oaths and sacred vows are broken?