by Joyce Kohl

There’s a sign in my computer room that says: “WARNING: This house protected by Dust Bunnies.” The sign has been Xeroxed for friends and relatives who, like me, wish to explain the existence of the strange balls in their own households . Our dust bunnies are given names; they have favorite locations, and they wear identifying collars. The prolific little “creatures” are so brave these days that we have attached jingle bells to the larger ones to prevent accidental death by vacuuming. They’re in no danger whatsoever from me or my husband, but my mother endangers their survival on an average of twice a week.

Dust Expert, Armin Clobes, Advises Demise of Dust Bunnies
Mr. Clobes, a senior research associate for SC Johnson Wax, has been quoted as saying:

“When you look at dust, you can tell if a person has pets, if you live in an urban or rural home, if you live near a busy street, if you use a wood-burning fireplace, if you burned a pie in the oven, what you had for dinner . . .”

“It (dust) can take on a life of its own.”

Why Ishabob and Ittendit’s Family Must Move
Ishy and Itty, the largest of our dust bunnies are the progenitors of our dust bunny society. Their genetic properties include mold, bacteria, skin cells, dust mites, and other extraterrestrials, any one of which can produce dust allergies with symptoms as minor as sneezing or as major as congestion, chronic headaches, sinus infections, sore throat, asthma, and fatigue.

We didn’t much like the prospects of Ishy and Itty going to dust bunny heaven, but better them than us! So as I coughed and sneezed, and drug my tired fatigued body around the house (aspirin knocked out the headache pain), I thought of beginning the process of ridding our household of Ishy, Itty, and their progeny.

Beginning of the End
The proper dusting methods are:

Don’t Dry Dust

Don’t reuse dirty dust cloths

Clean all those knickknacks often

Also, clean air ducts, wash bed linens in 130 degree water, use a damp cloth to clean plants, vacuum upholstered furniture regularly, keep house humidity low, and use exhaust fans in the kitchen and bathroom.

What You Can’t See Can’t Hurt You – Can It?
Dusting? Vacuuming? Been there; done that. I’m much too fatigued to do anything with regularity (except eat). Though Mr. Clobes is, I’m sure, correct as to the dangers of household dust, I don’t have the energy to destroy our dust bunnies. I’m too tired to dust, the dust bunnies cause more fatigue, so it’s a “Catch 22.” Hmmmmm… maybe a maid service?