Imagine my dismay when I called The Mail Order Company to purchase a few pounds of dry Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP) — for re-constituted use as a meat substitute in my Vegan cooking life — and being told delivery would take three to four weeks! Ouch! I was told that discouraging news after being on hold for twenty minutes (and being disconnected twice) because they were so busy taking orders.

TVP Takes Time?
When I asked my order taker why my last order a month ago took an incredible two weeks to get a single pound of nutritional yeast and why this new order for 15 pounds of a variety of TVP would take a month to get, she told me the trouble was related to Y2K. Eh? How could the Y2K bug be biting The Mail Order Company now, I wondered?

I asked her if the trouble was related to their computers being out of date and not setting the century mark right when the Year 2000 rolls around and she said, “You mean you haven’t heard about the Millenium Bug?”

I assured her I was familiar with Y2K issues, but explained I didn’t understand why the Y2K problem would be hitting The Mail Order Company now instead of January, 2000?

Fear & Loathing
The order taker said they were terribly backlogged due to panic and fear! She told me there are thousands of people calling them every day and ordering hundreds of pounds of TVP (she told me the average TVP order for Vegans and Vegetarians is around five pounds) for stockpiling and other semi-evergreen foods sources because those folks fear the world will go dark back to the Stone Age when the clock strikes 2000.

The woman went on to tell me the past six months have been especially difficult. The Mail Order Company is a small effort — in business mainly to serve mainly Vegans and Vegetarians — but lately they’ve been overwhelmed so much by Y2K fear that their usual one week delivery times have leapt up to six weeks in some cases! They’ve hired more staff, they’re trying to get their distributors to send more product and on and on down the domino chain of demand outstripping supply on all fronts!

WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

I saw a CNN report last week detailing how Y2K fear is affecting Amish farmers. It seems the Amish can’t buy wood stoves or other non-electrical supplies they reply upon for their lifestyle because the same Y2K fear wackos are buying all the wood burning stoves (along with all our TVP!)

It appears the Y2K scare is shaping up to be The Revenge of the Luddite.

Conclusion
If you’re a Vegan or Vegetarian and you rely upon TVP to make your life delicious and healthy, join the trend and BUY LOTS OF TVP NOW! Put your order in early, because the longer you wait, the better chance you’ll have of being lost in the mass panic of the Y2K Luddites grabbing your grub out of fear and loathing instead of the daily nutritional necessity you command to fire your body! Buy now. Buy early. Buy often.

When January 1, 2000 rolls around, we’ll either be able to go back to buying our TVP unabated and have it delivered on time, or we’ll be foraging for greens and grains along with the rest our Luddite kin in the dank darkness of a rediscovered Stone Age.