I have only two vices. Drinking coffee is one. This blog is the other. I never did illicit drugs. I don’t drink much alcohol. I never smoked. I drink at least a pot of coffee a day. I post at least one entry in this blog a day. A pot of coffee on my brewing machine says it equals 10 cups, but those aren’t normal cups. We all know the coffee standard for a “cup” is really a mug and a proper mug holds two “cups” of coffee so I’m really only having five “cups” of coffee a day in Man Math.

While I love coffee, I’m not a snob about it. If there’s coffee aroundย — even the Folgers single-serve dipping bags — I’ll swallow it and enjoy it. If there’s half a “cup” left sitting lonesome in a cold pot for eight hours, I’ll drink that, too. If you happen to leave two swallows behind in your paper coffee cup from the deli, I’ll drink that, too, and I won’t even ask first if you’re finished.

You can see I’m not French-Press-nutty, but when I have the time and energy, I do like to buy whole bean coffee and grind it at home moments before brewing: The darker and smokier the bean, the better. I like my coffee straight up — no milk or sugar (Silk or Splenda) — and the chewier, the better. If you haven’t had chewy coffee before then you have never had a cup of coffee. Any coffee bean will do for home brewing as long as it is burned and oily in the bag when purchased.

The price for a pound of Sumatra or Sulawesi or SuperDeepDark French Roast ranges anywhere from $8.99 to $12.99 at Whole Foods. Last week, my beloved Janna was shopping at the new Citarella near NYU and while she is not a coffee lover, she does sometimes buy beans for me and, much to her soon-to-be-discovered horror, she scooped up some Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast without seeing the price per pound and nearly tossed the cookies she had in her hand when the cashier rang her up to the tune of $29.99 for a pound of coffee! Citarella describes Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast this way:

This is the most highly rated coffee in the world, rare and limited in production. Blue Mountain is a truly elegant cup of coffee; it is highly aromatic, acidy, rich.

Janna was worn out and tired and feeling kind to me, so she bit on the $29.99 and rationalized it as a late anniversary gift or an early Halloween present. (Okay, I know about the $600 a pound Civet Feces Coffee Beans that cost $50 a brewed cup, but I’m talking Real Life it-could-actually-happen shock, not gross-out fantastical stuff out of the ordinary every day…) I know you’re wondering…

Is Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast worth nearly three times as much as your regular pound of flesh?

Yes! Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast is smooth. Cool. Clean. Lightly chewy (if you double the daily dosage scoops).

Will you beg Janna to buy another bag?

I already have.

Did she bite again?

No.

Will you try whining?

Men don’t whine. We negotiate.

How many times have your “negotiations” found success with Janna? Never. Do you plan on finding a way to trick (or treat) her into buying Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast when she is not looking the next time you are shopping together at Citarella?

Absolutely not! (Probably.)

So I am one of the pouting, fortunate, few, who have enjoyed the indulgent and embarrassing riches of drinking Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast that I calculated out cost me three dollars a sip. Those were the happiest three days of my coffee chewing life! Oh, if I could only find a way to combine my coffee and blog vices into a single experience!

35 Comments

  1. Aged Sumatra. A few months ago Starbucks sold what they called “Aged Sumatra” – beans that had actually been put aside and I have no idea what process they used to store them or keep them but since 1998 I think they were kept in storage.
    I initially had a french pressing of it and I thought to myself, this was the best coffee I had ever had. I usually have to have some soy milk in my coffee and a little something sweet. (I have been trying Stevia as a sweetener lately.) For this, no sweetening or soyening was needed.
    BTW if you haven’t already done so you can feel free to link to the pirate arrrrrticle ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Hello Gordon!
    Ooo, the Aged Sumatra sounds really good. I’ll have to keep an eye out for it, Aye!
    I’ll look for the Stevia. Sounds really good.
    Your Pirate article has been linked from my blog post yesterday (hotlinked via the second instance of your name) and I take all your swashbuckling of me with relish — and a daub of mustard! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. f-i-n — I could never get the hang of using a French Press and I have several here gathering dust to prove it. Yes, I could push down the plunger, but what about the after? The coffee is all icky and sandy and you can’t get it out of the glass! I spent more time cleaning my French Press than drinking the coffee it made!
    Dave! — I love the hotel coffee packs. They’re handy and make a good cup ‘o Joe. I don’t know why the “cup” has been so downwardly defined. It seems with the caffeine-is-a-drug alarmists that the รขโ‚ฌล“cupรขโ‚ฌย would be better suited if the industry defined it as a mere 18 ounces. Then we could all feel really great and say รขโ‚ฌล“I only drink one cup a day!รขโ‚ฌย Could your mother use Splenda if she wished? I’ll have to check out that Stevia!

  4. That’s interesting, Dave. I tried Splenda when it first came out and found it to be pretty good. It’s much better tasting than Equal or Sweet ‘N Low. ๐Ÿ™‚ I agree I’m not exactly sure what Splenda is from what it was and going natural like Stevia is a better method.

  5. I hear that coffee is an excellent antioxidant! Another reason to enjoy it every day.
    I have been drinking green tea lately at the insistance of my wife, but a good cup of coffee always hits the spot.
    I might have to go find my coffee grinder and see if I can find some Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast to see if it lives up to its hefty price and this blog post!

  6. Hi Chris!
    Welp, in the last four years or so coffee has gone from the best waker-upper, to the worst killer to now the best protectant. It’s crazy! Everything can hurt you so everything in moderation is safest, I guess! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I don’t think you’ll be disappointed in the Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast, but let me know either way!

  7. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….love the java! I’m lucky cuz my son works at Starbucks where he gets a free pound every week so I get to sample a variety. It’s been said that I have coffee in my veins, not blood. Sounds like you do too!

  8. Oh yeah…that’s it! I actually have a small (ok maybe big) obsession with Dunkin Donuts Iced Mocha Latte and now all other coffee doesn’t give me the same lift in the morning. It sucks because it costs nearly $3!

  9. I’m baaa-aaack!
    I’m not a huge coffee drinker. I drink hot coffee only when the temp drops below 50. I like drinking the iced coffees, but I’m also one of those people who likes a little coffee with their cream and sugar. I also go for all the flavored stuff. Barnie’s has a flavor called Santa’s White Chistmas that is out of this world!
    And this Jamaican coffee wouldn’t be one of those that has the animal dung in it would it? I know those exist.
    And blogging is so totally one of my vices, although I was able to refrain myself from getting online yesterday once home from surgery!

  10. Carla!
    Nice to have you back here!
    It’s interesting you are not a coffee drinker. Do you get your caffeine in other ways? ๐Ÿ™‚
    No, this Jamaican coffee is not pooped out of anything but you at the end of the day! ๐Ÿ˜€
    It is hard to stay offline, isn’t it? I love DSL!

  11. I’m a big sweet tea drinker – that whole southern belle thing ya know ๐Ÿ˜€ – but really, I don’t drink a lot of caffeine. Usually I drink a big glass of tea at lunch if I get something to eat from somewhere that has good tea.
    But I rarely drink, and actually try not to drink, caffeine in the evening. It really keeps me up at night if I do. Sometimes on the weekend I might be pretty lax about how much and when I drink caffeinated beverages, but it’ll catch up with me. Also, I try to stay away from it because of my anxiety issues! ๐Ÿ™„

  12. Hi Carla —
    I am with your on watching your caffeine intake. It can be a big issue.
    I love teas, too. Iced tea is wonderful but I would never willingly add sugar. ๐Ÿ™‚ I know sweet tea is big in the South and when I’m down there I’m down with the sweetening!

  13. Hey, David, I got back in here today after seeing Doc about the bum foot yesterday. (Down to one crutch.) Hey Carla–good to know you’re okay!
    I’m a coffee chewer too. Everything you said about coffee in your first few paragraphs was something I could have blogged. I do believe if it was prepared in solid form, I’d lick the plate.
    It makes me chuckle when people admonish me for drinking such strong/so much/that huge cup of coffee when they’re guzzling their soda that’s full of sugar and sodium. Or they sit there with their food full of hydrogenated vegetable oils. (Yeah, I have so often craved hydrogenated vegetable oil. yummy.)
    We all have our poison, don’t we? Leave me to mine; I’ll leave you to yours. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    By the way, David, I think you DID find a way to combine coffee-loving and blogging. Thank you again for such a ‘stimulating’ post. I have to take my jittering elbows and toes out to the kitchen and replenish my cup now.

  14. Paula!
    Now I know why I like you so much! We share a love of chewing brewed beans! Yassah! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Yes, it is funny how other people decide what is good for you while they are slowly killing themselves. I like your philosophy of everyone leaving each other alone.
    Thanks for the kind words! Here’s to ya! Cheers! :slurp: