I have only two vices. Drinking coffee is one. This blog is the other. I never did illicit drugs. I don’t drink much alcohol. I never smoked. I drink at least a pot of coffee a day. I post at least one entry in this blog a day. A pot of coffee on my brewing machine says it equals 10 cups, but those aren’t normal cups. We all know the coffee standard for a “cup” is really a mug and a proper mug holds two “cups” of coffee so I’m really only having five “cups” of coffee a day in Man Math.
While I love coffee, I’m not a snob about it. If there’s coffee around — even the Folgers single-serve dipping bags — I’ll swallow it and enjoy it. If there’s half a “cup” left sitting lonesome in a cold pot for eight hours, I’ll drink that, too. If you happen to leave two swallows behind in your paper coffee cup from the deli, I’ll drink that, too, and I won’t even ask first if you’re finished.
You can see I’m not French-Press-nutty, but when I have the time and energy, I do like to buy whole bean coffee and grind it at home moments before brewing: The darker and smokier the bean, the better. I like my coffee straight up — no milk or sugar (Silk or Splenda) — and the chewier, the better. If you haven’t had chewy coffee before then you have never had a cup of coffee. Any coffee bean will do for home brewing as long as it is burned and oily in the bag when purchased.
The price for a pound of Sumatra or Sulawesi or SuperDeepDark French Roast ranges anywhere from $8.99 to $12.99 at Whole Foods. Last week, my beloved Janna was shopping at the new Citarella near NYU and while she is not a coffee lover, she does sometimes buy beans for me and, much to her soon-to-be-discovered horror, she scooped up some Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast without seeing the price per pound and nearly tossed the cookies she had in her hand when the cashier rang her up to the tune of $29.99 for a pound of coffee! Citarella describes Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast this way:
This is the most highly rated coffee in the world, rare and limited in production. Blue Mountain is a truly elegant cup of coffee; it is highly aromatic, acidy, rich.
Janna was worn out and tired and feeling kind to me, so she bit on the $29.99 and rationalized it as a late anniversary gift or an early Halloween present. (Okay, I know about the $600 a pound Civet Feces Coffee Beans that cost $50 a brewed cup, but I’m talking Real Life it-could-actually-happen shock, not gross-out fantastical stuff out of the ordinary every day…) I know you’re wondering…
Is Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast worth nearly three times as much as your regular pound of flesh?
Yes! Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast is smooth. Cool. Clean. Lightly chewy (if you double the daily dosage scoops).
Will you beg Janna to buy another bag?
I already have.
Did she bite again?
Will you try whining?
Men don’t whine. We negotiate.
How many times have your “negotiations” found success with Janna? Never. Do you plan on finding a way to trick (or treat) her into buying Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast when she is not looking the next time you are shopping together at Citarella?
Absolutely not! (Probably.)
So I am one of the pouting, fortunate, few, who have enjoyed the indulgent and embarrassing riches of drinking Jamaican Blue Mountain Estate Roast that I calculated out cost me three dollars a sip. Those were the happiest three days of my coffee chewing life! Oh, if I could only find a way to combine my coffee and blog vices into a single experience!