Yesterday a psychiatrist friend of mine who read my Daughters and Sexuality post here in your favorite Urban Semiotic blog, told me “one can never really understand a person until you know their sexual preferences and how that life is expressed in private.” I’m still trying to decide if I agree with her or not.


I suppose knowing your boss is a wild man in bed might be an indicator your boss is open to new ideas and is a risk taker.

If your boss is Gay it might help knowing flirting with her isn’t going to be well-received if you’re a man.

Hearing your boss is “Missionary Position Only” might be an indicator your boss likes his sex safe and non-spastic.

63 Comments

  1. Hee… about that Google sitemaps entry… this post should start showing up. 😆
    I think to a point that can be true. I’m gonna be rather open here by saying that I have dated guys who I thought I was getting to know rather well and then found out about certain things they liked in the bedroom, and while none of these things totally freaked me out to where I wanted to run away screaming for help, learning about some of their preferences did surprise me.

  2. Hi Carla!
    Harr! It’ll be interesting to see if I get any kinky Sitemaps hit now!
    :mrgreen:
    You make a blunt point and that is that sex does matter because it defines the pleasure center of a person.
    One woman I dated a long while ago told me, in the midst of passion, “Talk dirty to me.” I was completely surprised because she looked and acted like a sweet, conservative, blue-eyed, blond-haired Angel — and when I tried, she whispered in my ear “No, dirtier!” — and I couldn’t think of anything dirtier to say so we kind of ended up slowing down and stopping. She was probably every man’s dream except mine: “A whore in the bedroom and an Angel everywhere else.” We didn’t see each other much after that. I suppose if I had been more interested I would have asked her for an example or something — but it isn’t a turn-on for me to curse at a woman so it would have been a painful experience for both of us, in the end, I guess.
    One attorney I had way back was very Republican and proper. He wore expensive and perfect suits. He slicked back his hair. His secretary told me one day she felt he was the type of person that wore leather underwear. I looked at her and she winked and said, “He’s a wild man you’d never know.” I don’t think they were getting it on, but obviously the secretary had some kind of inside view of him that I did not have. It did change my outlook on him and, strangely, a few months later, I found another attorney. Was it the new information that prodded me along or was it the disconnect between my perception and his alleged fantasy?

  3. Hee…. yeah, that wouldn’t be good – to find out a preference that really didn’t turn you on in the midst of sex. AWKWARD! 😆
    I think for me it would have been the information. I don’t know if I want to have a professional business relationship with an individual once I found out such personal information.

  4. Carla —
    Yeah! She kind of doused my passion with that request! I’m sure most guys she dated loved to find that out about her.
    Yes, I think it was “too much information” that changed the attorney/client relationship. I guess we want the perception of professionalism even if it doesn’t extend beyond the office.
    I also like my doctors to wear white coats instead of blue jeans and a flannel shirt.

  5. Yeah, I don’t want to sit across the desk from someone that I know wears leather underwear and wonder if he’s chafing. 😆
    I’ve never had a doctor wear blue jeans and a flannel shirt. My primary doctor wears button down shirts and slacks, but he doesn’t always wear a white coat. However, the surgeon who did my gall bladder surgery and took those pesky cysts off my scalp has worn a white coat every time I’ve seen him.

  6. Carla —
    Ha! Yeah, leather underwear seems like it would be hot and uncomfortable — but what do I know — I’m only imagining!
    It’s a big thing in New York City to NOT wear a white coat if you’re an MD. It theoretically makes you “friendlier” and “less threatening” and not “authoritarian” so you will feel more comfortable seeing your “pal” for a checkup. I prefer the white coat line just because it suggests a tradition of iconic belonging that is comforting and I like my doctors to be arrogant and authoritative.
    At the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey there are staff members (secretaries) in some of the education health offices who wear white coats — sort of strange, but incredibly spiffy and professional looking — and I love it! At UMDNJ there is also an elegant “white coat ceremony” where, on the first day of class, first year medical students are each presented with a white coat embroidered with their name and the UMDNJ medical school seal. I like that tradition!

  7. He said he didn’t want – or couldn’t – to use that much numbing medicine at one time. Go figure.
    The cysts pop up naturally. I inherited them from my father, who inherited them from his mother, so if I have a son one day, he’ll probably get them. All but two of them have been in my scalp. The first one I had was on my chin at age 9. Oddly enough, the first one my father had was on his forehead at age 9. I’ve also had one on my arm, but my dad tells me that I haven’t had nearly as many as he’s had. So hopefully, they’re fading out with each generation.

  8. Ok, that talking dirty comment was thisclose to making tea come out thorugh my nose.
    One of these days you’re actually going to succeed in doing that!
    Oh and what else do you want me to say? 😉

  9. My second cousin sells cellphones etc. and I decided I wanted to get a Blackberry. I wondered if I could access blogs on it while on the bus on tour with the Orchestra etc. so I called him up and asked him if I could access blogs on a blackberry and he said he would check it out and asked which one. I gave him the address of Urban Semiotic. You must understand, he is a good Mormon boy… so he accesses your website from a blackberry just fine and reports back to me that it works (I’ve now ordered my blackberry) and I then come to your site to see the top story … GREAT! Now my little second cousin thinks I want to access porn on my handheld!! ARGH!!!

  10. suzanne!
    I love that story! It made me snort Carla’s tea outta my nose! I’m still laughing…
    I can read this blog on my Samsung a900 phone — it has a tinier screen than the Blackberry — and it comes across pretty well! No images, it’s all text, but it looks good. My Treo 650 loaded images and the whole skedaddle. Does your Blackberry do images or just plain text?

  11. Given that very few people know what goes on in the bedroom of people they meet, unless of course you are in the bedroom with them or you have friends who divulge these details like the weekends’ sport stats, would this imply that we ‘know’ almost no one? Im not sure I buy this. While it can help in forming a more complete picture of someone, people present many different shades of their personality in different situations. The assertion could be extended to almost any situation where somebody might act differently, and you could only ‘know’ them once you had experienced them under all the various circumstances that might cause dramatic shifts in their presented personality. What is presented are all reflections of the same person, its just that nobody besides the individual is privy to that person. We only see glimpses filtered through external and internal perceptions, biases, experiences, fears,desires…etc.

  12. That’s an interesting and fair take on the matter, Jonathan.
    I think the point my friend was trying to make is that people are who they are the most while engaging in sexual activity that pleases them and if you can somehow know or divine that behavior you are better able to predict how they really think and really behave in the real world with their persona masks installed.
    Her claim is that the sexual being can never be hidden but it can be caged or disguised or morphed to skew an image of a person to their advantage — or disadvantage — but by knowing a person’s sexual thrills and ordinaries and peccadilloes we are reaching the true being behind the mask.

  13. I just ordered the blackberry on line, it will come in a few days. This is all new to me, I’m excited about it! I believe it will have images. The great thing is that I’ll be able to blog from wherever I am.
    Carla, you’re probably right, but I don’t want to be responsible for giving it to him! 🙂

  14. Regarding the attorney. I’d check the agreement for legal services. There might be a clause where he gets to charge a little more per hour when he’s wearing the leather underwear.
    I always assume everyone is capable of all sorts of unexpected behavior if given the right circumstances. Put some alcohol into the mix and watch out.
    There are plenty of stories about straight-laced people acting outside of their public personna: Jimmy Swaggart is one large example.
    I remember hearing a story about two couples who were neighbors. The couples get divorced and remarried to the neighbors’ spouses. It happened when I was a kid, but it was the hushed gossip all the older people were talking about.
    I knew a woman who worked for a conservative business who quit her day job and became a stripper for a while after she filed for divorce from her husband.
    I wonder how much of ones preference is the result of suggestion and ones environment.
    I read a book, “The Game,” by Rolling Stone writer Neil Strauss where he suggests that it is possible to get any woman to do your bidding by using a combination of projecting self-confidence, neurolinguist programming techniques, and other “pick up artist” methods.
    He wrote in the book that he could get two straight women to kiss each other by using a certain technique to persuade them to engage in such activity. He said that it worked consistently. (Almost a scientific method to his madness. He tried, discovered a way to make it happen, and tried it again and again to see if it work be repeated).
    Maybe a tame person could be wild if given the opportunity or suggestion that it is okay to be that way.
    Can we say that all tame people aren’t wild? Or, vice versa?
    Or, have they just not had the “right” suggestions made to them allowing them to “run wild.”

  15. Chris!
    I love it when you weigh in and bring us back to center. THANK YOU!
    You’re absolutely right about behavior changing with circumstance — and that’s why I always try to be the same person at home and out in the world and when tipsy and happy and angry and silly — so there can be a pattern of behavioral predictability. I think that kind of predictability makes you a more genuine person than someone who is always skittering away pieces of personality as circumstances allow or demand.
    I’m going to check out the book you mention. Sounds fascinating.
    When I was at UNL as an undergrad there were two married couples who were best friends and they swapped spouses 20 years before I was a student and people all around the department and university were still wildly gossiping about it during my entire tenure. The swap did not last even a year so each person had two divorces for the price of one.

  16. David,
    Thanks!
    Predictability is always good — it keeps people out of all sorts of trouble in all circumstances!
    Check out “The Game” and let us know what you think. I’m curious to see what your take is.