When you reflexively reflect on people you’ve known over life at work and at play, do you find yourself fondly remembering more members of the opposite gender or more members of your own gender?

36 Comments

  1. Opposite, for sure.
    An ex girlfriend of mine, with whom I was still friends, pointed out for some reason to the girl I was dating the peculiarity of how all of my female friends were really attractive.

  2. Hi Gordon!
    I’m with you on that one. When I reflect back fondly on my life, I always seem to miss or better remember those of the opposite gender. I don’t know if we’re wired to attach our histories to women or not but it does seem to be a chemical genetic connection!

  3. Thank you for your brave comment, Simmering!
    It’s gutsy of you to be so honest and regret can be a powerful motivator for loss and melancholia.
    I try to live regret-free, but it is human nature to always provoke a “what if” scenario — but my experience suggests nothing good comes of that wondering wanderlust.

  4. Thank you for your brave comment, Simmering!
    It’s gutsy of you to be so honest and regret can be a powerful motivator for loss and melancholia.
    I try to live regret-free, but it is human nature to always provoke a “what if” scenario — but my experience suggests nothing good comes of that wondering wanderlust.

  5. In the workplace and in my social sphere I often have an initial sexual attraction to new females that enter my sphere. This rarely persists, usually due to a internal re-evaluation of the coworker/friend as I get to know them. As the initial sexual attraction wanes it can provide the basis for a favorable platonic relationship. With men there is often a palpable tension resulting from perceived or imagined competition. While this too tends to wane, the memory of the competetiveness often remains. Because of this, I generally remember members of the opposite sex more fondly.

  6. Jonathan —
    I think you’ve hit upon a universal truth — most men are rarely allied together in the same interest unless it’s against the opposite sex — everything else is competition between richer, bigger and better and that is unfortunate.
    We are built to compete and defeat and in that ongoing battle between the same sex we lose out on what could be invaluable friendships.
    I agree initial opposite gender attractions that develop into friendships are a faster, friendlier and fonder means to generate genuine human connection.

  7. Jonathan —
    I think you’ve hit upon a universal truth — most men are rarely allied together in the same interest unless it’s against the opposite sex — everything else is competition between richer, bigger and better and that is unfortunate.
    We are built to compete and defeat and in that ongoing battle between the same sex we lose out on what could be invaluable friendships.
    I agree initial opposite gender attractions that develop into friendships are a faster, friendlier and fonder means to generate genuine human connection.

  8. Yes. As men age and the competition over mates/power/wealth becomes less paramount, the potential for meaningful relationships increases dramatically. I think tribal societies understand this and have mechanisms of connecting younger and older men together. It is unfortunate that for the most part, modern Western societies have lost this potential for connection.

  9. Hey Jonathan —
    Absolutely correct and I love your tribal angles take on the matter.
    I think in our current society that is why many young women prefer to date older men — even much older men — because the aggressive drive to dominate has dissipated and the man is better able to connect with her on a basic, non-competitive, non-conquering human level.

  10. Hey Jonathan —
    Absolutely correct and I love your tribal angles take on the matter.
    I think in our current society that is why many young women prefer to date older men — even much older men — because the aggressive drive to dominate has dissipated and the man is better able to connect with her on a basic, non-competitive, non-conquering human level.

  11. I always remember my female coworkers and friends also. I think it has to do with chemistry and the way a man’s brain works.
    This is despite the fact that male coworkers and friends may “bond” with each other more than male-female combinations. I’ve probably spent more time drinking and hanging out with my male coworkers and friends, but the memories aren’t the same as those times spent with the opposite sex.
    If a male coworker leaves for bigger and better things, I probably won’t think about him unless something reminds me. But, I’ll often find myself wondering what a woman I’ve known is doing in life and work.
    Even if a dating relationship isn’t possible because of workplace rules or an already established relationship, there is always a spark of attraction between men and women. This sexual tension can be a good thing, even it is never acted up. It makes us feel alive.
    It is what makes men think back on the women they have known with fondness, even if we’ve never been intimate or had a desire beyond a platonic relationship.
    I was once at a farewell party for a coworker who was leaving to do some charity work overseas. As I was getting ready to leave, she called me over and said “I love you” and gave me a big hug.
    I knew that she didn’t love me in a physical way because she was seeing someone and I’m married, but it was more an indication that she had made some sort of connection with me from the time that we had spent at work. The love was deeper than the purely erotic love that passes for “love” these days.
    We had often travelled together for work assignments on day trips. Other coworkers rode along with us, but often listened to music or slept while I was driving. She always wanted to sit in the front seat so she could talk with me. We were able to spend time together talking in a way that the usual workplace situation doesn’t often allow because of time constraints.
    I’ll always remember her because of those conversations and time spent together more than any time spent with my male buddies. I know it has to do with our body’s chemistry and the way male-female relationships are processed by the brain.

  12. Hmmm, well, I don’t know if I’m the first female answering this question, because I’m not sure whether Simmering is a guy or girl, but I can say for myself, that I don’t believe that I heavily favor the opposite gender or same gender. I’m not sure why.

  13. Hmmm, well, I don’t know if I’m the first female answering this question, because I’m not sure whether Simmering is a guy or girl, but I can say for myself, that I don’t believe that I heavily favor the opposite gender or same gender. I’m not sure why.

  14. Chris —
    Thank you for a touching confessional and I am in the house with you on every word of it and it is interesting how this yearning for and longing after another can stay with you long after that person is gone and it is an honorable emotion and not one meant for ravaging. To even mention sex brings the entire memory down to a level on which it never existed in reality.
    I have usually preferred to work with women on creative projects because the work is about what is best for the project and not which person gets the bigger credit. I also find I laugh and enjoy the work in a different way with women more than I do with men — neither experience is bad, but the female co-worker is ultimately more enjoyable than the male in my experience, probably because there is some unspoken chemical attraction always at play.
    It’s also interesting how, as a teacher, it the female students who usually try to stay in touch even though the connection always eventually dies. The men, once they’re done, they’re out, but the women will linger with you a bit and try to keep the avenues of communication open and I do find myself wondering, years after all contact has ceased, “Whatever happened to her” but never “Whatever happened to him?”

  15. I seem to remember the opposite gender more predominantly than the same gender, when it comes to relationships. When it comes to work, I remember more same gender. Probably because my emotional connection with the opposite sex has been more influential outside the work place, and at work it is more same gender.
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  16. Hey!
    Here is my two cents worth…
    When I reflect on people at work the first thing comes in my mind is their performance and efficiency whether they excelled or screwed up and at play its also the same thing – how they made me feel – regardless of gender –
    I am weird!!! 🙂