There have been few moments in my life when I’ve tasted something to eat and I am immediately forced to react to that tasting by spitting the food back out of my mouth. That unfortunate, autoimmune, pre-vomit-spitting-response happened to me again this week. I was stuck in an unfamiliar place and I was offered a way to feed my hunger that I had to accept if I wanted anything to eat over the next 12 hours.
That offer I should have refused came in the form of the new Life Chocolate Oat Crunch “cereal” and I am warning you now, as I previously warned you away from Coke Blak Tasting Like a Polyester Sweater a year ago:
DON’T PUT LIFE CHOCOLATE OAT CRUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH OR YOU’LL BE SORRY!
I recommend you starve instead of eating that awful cereal because there is an uncomfortable disconnect going on between the actual cereal and the “delicious touch of real chocolate” bits. The “real chocolate” appears to be embedded in and around some kind of “oaty granola” chunks that, when mixed with milk (soy milk), become super-hard and impenetrable rock-like things in your mouth!
The cereal instantly becomes soggy the second it gets wet, while the coldness of the milk (soy milk) creates bits of freezing granite-like stuff that you try to enjoy and chew with a cereal that needs no mastication whatsoever because it has already pre-melted in the milk (soy milk).
So there you are in the middle of your first mouthful — soggy cereal mixed with bits of frozen “chocolate rocks” — and you can neither continue to chew or to swallow — and so you take the only route left to you for release.