Paris Hilton is finally due to be released from jail tomorrow after serving 23 days in the hoosegow.
There’s a million dollar bounty for Paris Hilton and last week I received email asking me to be a part of the hunt for Ms. Hilton before she is released from the Big House.

Here’s the letter offering the million dollars:, the site that paid $10,000,000 for the
contents of Paris Hilton’s Storage locker and launched in January 2007,
is now offering up to $1,000,000 dollars for pictures of Paris Hilton
in her prison attire.
In mid 2006, Paris Hilton, heiress to the Hilton Hotel dynasty, leased
a 6,000 cubic foot storage bin in Los Angeles, CA.

She stuffed the unit
chock full of: Medical records; more than 50 hours of personal and
steamy home videos; 75,000 photographs (including those of celebrities,
her family, and baby photos); recorded phone conversations; copious
diaries kept since her pre-teen years; love letters (including those to
and from Back Street Boy Nick Carter); legal pleadings; contracts;
address books and phone numbers (containing the personal home and cell
phone number of celebrities such as Donald Trump, Chelsea Clinton,
Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Prince, and MANY others); clothing
and thousands of other items of the most personal nature. All this was
acquired because Hilton failed to pay her storage bill.

Ms. Hilton is suing, but one has to wonder why she bothers.
Does she want a piece of the action?
Because, according to the video preview on that site, it is obvious several men have had a piece of Ms. Hilton.

Last week, there were rumors of a million dollar bounty being paid to Ms. Hilton from NBC News for the rights to a first interview after leaving jail. ABC News was also in the running for a paid interview.
NBC News now claims they don’t “pay for interviews” but, it seems, NBC News does “pay up to a million dollars for access to family pictures and videos.”
week, both ABC and NBC are backing off the rumors that any money at all
was offered for anything to do with Ms. Hilton’s release from

Today, we are left with the news that Ms. Hilton will appear, for free, on Wednesday’s edition of CNN’s “Larry King Live” where she will reveal the intimate details of her prison time.
Ms. Hilton claimed, in a collect-call jailhouse interview with Barbara Walters, she wants to change her image:

I used to act dumb. It was an act. That act is no
longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for
the young girls who look up to me. Now, I would like to make a
difference… God has given me this new chance.

The first thing Ms. Hilton should probably do — after finding God and
dropping her pretend stupidity — is to pull up her pants, get off her
hands and knees, and put on some clothes.

Will we ever be free of a Paris Hilton sexual semiotic?
Do we really want young girls looking up to her and imitating her look and behavior?
Does the world want a smarter Ms. Hilton — or do we just want her to stand there, look pretty and smile?


  1. David,
    I do not buy into Ms. Hilton’s claim that her stupidity has been “an act.”
    And besides, even if it was “an act,” does she think that pretending to be stupid is somehow better than actually being stupid? How does that thought process sound? “Oh, yeah, I just pretended to be stupid because it’s cute and coy. I’m actually a smart person, but found it was much more lucrative and convenient to play the dumb blonde. It’s okay to dumb yourself down for money/publicity/acceptance.” Er. No.
    Of course I would like a smarter Paris Hilton, but ultimately I think the damage has been done and it would not make any difference in the minds of young girls who already idolize her. Besides, they would have plenty of other celebrities to look to instead and imitate should they find Ms. Hilton’s new persona unsatisfactory.

  2. Hi Emily —
    I, too, find it disappointing that she has been pretending to be dumb all these years if, in fact, she has been doing that. I don’t think it’s an act, though. What we see is who she is and she is not a good enough actress to pull off acting stupid. You have to be really intelligent to pretend to be dumb.
    Perhaps she’s been fooling us all and we’ll get the “real intellectual” Paris on Larry Kind Wednesday. I think stupid people think they’re smart in the way that crazy people never know they’re insane.
    Didn’t she swear off having sex for a year a few months ago to “regain her virginity?” I wonder if prison sex counts…
    Perhaps she’ll follow the example of Jodi Foster and attend Yale or Danica McKellar and attend UCLA and prove a new math theorem that will bear her name:

  3. David,
    You make a good point about her not being a good enough actress to fool everyone for so long. She has such vacant, expressionless eyes; even when she is trying to be cute or sexy, you can see that her eyes are empty and cold. There is nothing behind them.
    HA! I hadn’t heard of her Reversal of Virginity theorem. I didn’t know it worked like that! Man, she really is a genius! I could learn so much from her…

  4. Emily –
    Yes, when Paris was crying in the patrol car many people felt she was faking her sobs. There’s no way that was fake. It was the most reveal we have ever seen her. We saw the exposed, unpretentious and lonely child that she covers with adult wealth, sex, decadence and pretend games of intellectualism.
    I wonder if Paris took the Reborn Virgin oath?

  5. David!
    what fun! isn’t it curious how finding god often coincides with a lie? in her case dropping her pretend stupidity would be the lie, or the new and improved lie to cover up the now ineffectual lie. who know? who cares?

  6. Hi Dananjay —
    I agree the invocation of God in times of distress can be honorable and meaningful if the person means that spoken devotion; to do otherwise is to take the name of God in vain and — no matter what your belief set — that is always worse and more condemning than the original sin.
    I hear she wants to create a halfway house for prisoners to help the transition from jail into real life and that she also plans to shed her old life. If that’s true and if Ms. Hilton dedicates the rest of her life to philanthropy and picking the right friends then she truly can be an inspiration to young people who are trying to resurrect their lives from their errors.

  7. Very true. God is good as long as you keep it to yourself.
    that’s good for her, if she really does what she says. every saint has a past and every sinner has a future, and those who realize that neither exist will have both. 🙂

  8. Right, Dananjay!
    Some people find great comfort and solace in God and that’s a wonderful salve for what can be a rough and cruel life. There are others, however, who use their belief system to punish others who do not believe as they do and we must always find that kind of religious intolerance everywhere.
    I am hoping Ms. Hilton will choose the claim she is staking. She has a lot of money and power behind her and she could make a real difference in the world if she means what she says.

  9. you know, if i ever saw her face to face, i’d ask her what the difference is between ‘act dumb, play smart’ and ‘play dumb, act smart’!

  10. Hi David,
    That is, indeed, an interesting theory about Ms. Hilton’s “vaginal regeneration.” It would make a good story, a parody on Madeleine L’Engel’s “Arm of the Starfish.” I could speculate on a title, but I’m afraid this comment has already degenerated to a level I don’t care to deepen. 😀

  11. Hi David,
    Tell me you’re not suggesting an article. It would be censored before it left the womb!

  12. Hi David,
    Okay, I’ll take the challenge. The gauntlet has been thrown down. But your choice of words– “ripe for exploration”? Dr. Freud would have a field day in Paris!

  13. Hi David,
    HAAAAAA! I cannot quit laughing on that last one. Don’t hold your breath on the cleansing, I’m afraid I’m rotting, too. 😀

  14. I think the world needs a Paris Hilton a little more clothed.
    I am not asking her to be a Mother Teresa, but a little more sensible and civilized.
    As long as the media will use her as a bait to increase their sales, we will keep on seeing the “dumb, not fully clothed” Paris Hilton in the front page.

  15. Hi David,
    I’ve never really been into Paris Hilton too much. She doesn’t have much to offer beyond just trying to look “hot.”
    At least with other models, they try to use their fame and fortune to champion other causes, start businesses, or otherwise try to make a contribution to society for the better.
    Plus, Paris Hilton isn’t attractive to me because she looks like a close relative in her younger days. (My wife even mentioned it as well). There’s something in my genetic code that blocks my mind from finding anybody who looks like a relative “hot” in the way that Paris Hilton wants us to think of her.

  16. Thanks for an interesting take on Paris, Chris.
    I thought she looked rather lovely leaving jail without any makeup on — she looked natural and glowing and real.

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