The never-ending quest to find the best lip ointment led me to discover a delightful — but silly-named — balm called: “Blistex Lip Infusion Cherry Splash.” The great thing about this Blistex sheer liquid balm is its giant ball-bearing applicator that glides over your lips like a whisper of butterfly kisses. You are not only soothed, but besotted as well! There is, however, an odd smell embedded in the Blistex lip infusion. It is advertised as “Cherry” but it has a more familiar tang to it than just plain fruit. There is something medicinal about the cherry aftertaste. It tends to leave a bad aroma in your mouth. Oh, if I could only place that old-time familiar smell…
As I applied my sheer cherry liquid balm for the umpteenth time — it hit me right in the jaw like a barrel of fruity monkeys: I Knew That Smell! The “Blistex Lip Infusion Cherry Splash” … smells like a urinal cake!
A urinal cake, if you are lucky enough not to know, is a pinkish soap thang encrusted in plastic and tossed into urinals so men will aim to pee on it instead of on the bathroom walls. Peeing on a urinal cake is supposed to release a pleasant, “fruity, scented, odor” blend of a hospital cafeteria during dessert time instead of the hissy ammonia stank that emanates from us all — but urinal cakes fail at faking the nose.
The mind remembers. The body repels from the recognition. Urinal cakes are the original lipstick on a pig!
The scent of memory was awful! I was drowning in a mix of urine-soaked Bing Cherries and it was flushing all over my lips and teeth and gums and tongue and throat and… and all I could do was wonder… Why Blistex chose to put the aromatic blend of a urinal cake in their fantastic liquidy balm is beyond all human reason.
The idea of soothing my chapped lips by rubbing a urinal cake across my mouth ten times a day suddenly invokes the terror of a never-ending gag reflex! I’m waiting for the moment some drunk guy comes up to me on the street and begins to pee in my mouth.