The danger in being self-sufficient is in thinking you know enough when, in reality, you understand just enough to make a terrible mess.


As we grow older, we realize there is no harm in asking for help — while the immature believe asking for assistance is a sign of weakness and ineptitude.

The most telling fact we unwittingly reveal as we age is our willingness to take in the ideas of others outside our immediate chalk circles.

The greatest danger imperiling the world happens when impatience and imperfection meet — and the exploding result is the hubris of falling nations and the crumbling of transient communities. 

20 Comments

  1. When I need help – it happens often enough – I make sure to seek it out. The question is, from whom do I seek the help? Certain problems require care while others could get assistance from just about anyone. I have noticed that I ask for help a lot more than when I was younger and would sooner get lost for an hour than to pull over and ask for directions. 🙂

  2. That’s a good question, Gordon. You have to be mature enough to know what you don’t know, but then also be talented enough to recognize in others that they know what you do not know. Sometimes that asking is obvious. Sometimes you have to ask and try and fail with varying degrees of success until you hit upon the right expert.

  3. Hi David,
    The willingness to learn from outside our own experience or circle is crucial at all times. And it’s true that the right person can make all the difference.
    I’ve also found that sometimes an expert is just someone who has stopped learning.

  5. David,
    It can happen when that label is applied by oneself or by one’s immediate circle.
    An expert, in true spirit, is one who is ever curious and doesn’t stop learning even from those they teach.

  6. That’s true, Dananjay. A expert is always learning and knowing. I’m not sure how that label can be successfully applied to someone inactive and unknowing. The difference is stark.

  7. I’ve seen it happen, David. You should see the kind of people who pass for experts in some places. I have and that’s why I had to learn the difference between the expert seeming and the expert being.

  9. It happens in the same way celebrity-culture works, David. It’s how we see in some tv news panels or talk shows. I’ve seen it happen in organizations first hand.

  11. That’s the thing about it, David. They’re “experts” because and only within their culture. They get revealed when they venture outside which they never do for that very reason. Whereas true expertise is recognized anywhere it goes.

  13. Oh what an interesting subject – one that plays out in the fetish community so much. Instant Masters and Mistresses and instant experts as well as brand new shiny clubs – all go bang.
    The old crew (including myself) take bets on how long these new ventures will last.
    A quick look at their website usually gives us a clue. You can see where fundamental rules are broken – despite them asking and being given solid advice – which they all promptly ignore.
    Sadly it has become a bit of a spectator sport.
    At this level it is at best amusing – at worst tiresome – when it is nations selling their soul to the highest bidder it is a tragedy that affects us all as a human race.

  14. Wowser, that’s a great comment, Nicola! I love and appreciate your fascinating connections. So these shiny new “experts” go to the Old School Gods for advice and direction and then they promptly hit the ignore switch? Why? What do they gain from asking and then ignoring? Don’t they know a bang is in their future?

  15. The pattern usually works like this.
    New kid on block looks at what is on the market – maybe visits a couple of people decides that they can do different or better. They questions – not always the right ones – they get given answers – they get told why it is done they way it is done.
    There is a certain arrogance with the shiny young things – they think they know a way around the rules and they think they can make a lot of money from it.
    Several cases in point. I am the only facility that runs without the benefit/risk of Professional Dominatrix operating on the premises. All other facilities have to subsidize their facilities in that manner.
    A lot of our market is new couples – the wives amongst them are quite daunted by the “professional dominatrix” and are not comfortable sharing premises/space with them.
    Other obvious things they miss are local zoning/planning regulations and they try and open up their house for Fetish Parties at weekends – advertise on the web – saying it will cost £10/£15 and then wonder why the locals complain.
    They forget their is a church or school within three miles – they “forget” (or think they can get away without) applying for change of use from residential to business and fall foul of the rating authority (local taxes).
    The list goes on …….

  16. Amazing facts, Nicola, thanks! Why does the established power structure give these shiny newbies the time of day? If you can smell their intent, why offer them your passion and wisdom when you know they won’t use it?

  17. Usually because we were offered wisdom when we first started – we like to pay that forward as it was paid forward to us.
    We give everyone the benefit of the doubt the first time around – just in case there is another jewel to be found.

  18. That makes sense, Nicola. I bet, though, that when you started people didn’t think you were shiny or opportunistic and that’s why they wanted to help you. I’m not sure of the value in encouraging pretenders and miscreants if your experience and insight alights red alerts before you even offer them a single nugget of wisdom.

  19. Hi David,
    I think everyone needs a guide/ mentor in life, but finding out one is a great test – in fact, taking a step back…i.e. – acknowledging the importance of it is almost winning half the battle – I guess.

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