Why Paula Abdul on X-Factor is a Terrible Idea

The addition of Paula Abdul to the judging panel of American Factor X — Oops! I mean the “American X-Factor” — indicates a massive error in judgment.  Paula Abdul was intolerable on American Idol and her recent dance show was a mighty flop and the romanticized “chemistry” between Simon Cowell and Paula on Idol is made of nothing but string, sealing wax and Little Jackie Paper.

“This show would never have been the same without Paula,” said Cowell, who also worked with Abdul on American Idol.

Abdul said she was “excited beyond words” about her new role. The talent show is open to solo singers and groups from the age of 12 upwards.

Abdul added that she was “delighted and grateful to be sitting next to Simon again… but you might want to check back with me in a week or two!”

Watching Paula on Idol was painful.  She was either clapping like a seal, pushing Simon’s hands away from her crotch, or incoherently babbling.  Sure, Paula Abdul is roadkill, but we don’t need to see her run over into blood and guts every week anymore.  We’ve moved beyond her.  She’s in our nascent past and she deserves to stay there.  Let the poor woman rest in memory.

The error that many in the entertainment industry make is a common one — if one is good, then two must be “More Better” and three more must be “Bestest Ever!”  The problem with that childish logic is that it remains a human truth that we cannot repeat the same moment twice.  We try.  We fail.  There is only one Revolutionary War.  Only one 9/11.  Only one Kennedy Assassination.  Only one iteration of Paula and Simon.  Everything else that tries to repeat the original success is lost in the paling comparison.

If Paula were smart — she would preserve her Idol legacy and kindly turn down Simon Cowell — but she won’t because she’s money hungry and fame-starved and she lives to take down another show just because she can — not because she should.