Betty had one wish in life:  To Filter Everything Out of Her Life That Had to Do with Kim Kardashian — including that massive butt of hers that, unfortunately for us all, turned out to be all too real.

Betty wished there were an X-Ray for testing Ms. Kardashian’s intelligence quotient — because Betty is quite sure Ms. Kardashian is faking it until she makes it.

While Betty was adding Kim to her Life Filter List, Betty also wished she could remove Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez and Arnold Schwarzenegger from her life, too.

Betty is burned out on celebrity drama that floods her life.

Betty doesn’t buy magazines or watch television gossip shows, but every time she spins her mouse on the Internets, she can’t get rid of the inbreeders and the fame whores.

“What makes these people need to be the center of attention?” Betty wondered.

“Were they ignored in childhood and so they act out as adults?” she asked no one in particular.

The television answered Betty with a sugary enticement to watch the Kardashians on the E! television network.

Betty picked up her waffle iron and smashed it against Kim’s fat face grinning back at her from a flat screen TV.

As the lighted shards of Kim Kardashian fell into dark irrelevance on Betty’s cold linoleum floor, a calmness waded over her as she realized that obsession can quickly be healed into freedom with decisive action and a quick flick of the wrist.


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