Dale wept for 72 for straight days.

He cried himself to sleep.

He awoke bawling in a balled up foetal position.

The woman of his daylight dreams and evening night terrors — The formerly “Ms.” Kim Kardashian — had dashed every hope of his heart and married a living Frankenstein monster.

Dale, a true friend and a giving imaginary lover, watched her wedding on television and cried during all the commercials.

He had to have dry eyes so he could eye her dresses and jewels.

And then day 72 arrived, and Dale stopped weeping for his lost love for a single second and then began crying anew for joy that his beloved had finally been set free from the bonds of human matrimony and cleaved from that bolt-necked monster that had gifted her hand in marriage.

Now Dale is re-engaged to his beloved Kim and she visits him in his dreams.

He runs with her again along golden beaches.

Dale can mend her broken heart by asking her to give away her hand a second time so they can both finally live happily ever after.


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