The Watermelon Is Innocent

The knife goes through a seedless watermelon the way an argument goes through a lazy afternoon: no resistance, no interruptions, nothing to spit. Somebody at the picnic table always ruins it. This summer the ruin arrives as a warning passed hand to hand across the internet: every seedless bite is a serving of your own impending death, because a fruit without seeds is a future without planting, and a future without planting is a population that eats only what it is sold. Subscribe to eat, the warning goes, or starve on schedule. The charge deserves a trial. Half of it is theater. The other half is the most important story in agriculture, and the theater keeps pointing at the wrong defendant.

Continue reading → The Watermelon Is Innocent

Midol Blister Packs Create PMS Rage!

Midol is a gift to modern man.  When a woman is in her premenstrual cycle, Midol is the miracle drug that could — and can — if it were only easier to administer.  We need Midol gummi bears.  We need Midol gum.  We need Midol Diet Pepsi!

Continue reading → Midol Blister Packs Create PMS Rage!