Why I Could Never Live in California

When you grow up cold in the Midwest, one of the first impulses is to flee from the gloominess and the misery surrounding you:  No oceans.  Few lakes.  Lots of ponds.  Faraway mountains in non-neighboring states encapsulate you and make Summers stiflingly hot and humidified.  When we reach the age of consent in our time of reason, many of us bolt West to Los Angeles or East to New York.  Not many head up North to Minneapolis or Chicago and, fewer still, move Southward to Kansas City.  If you are a tender Californian, I urge you to stop reading this article right now.  You will not be happy with the continuation of my argument.

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Kirkland Signature Green Tea Matcha Blend Review

We are crazy about Ito En and their tea.  We recently discovered another Ito En gem:  Kirkland Signature Green Tea Matcha Blend.  We can’t stop drinking it — hot or cold!

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Cold Feet or Quitting?

How do you know when a collaborator is expressing the natural concerns of cold feet and when they are actually trying to quit a project? Few people are capable of being direct and blunt without being nasty.

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The Retirement Trend Toward Colder Climates

Forget Florida and Arizona as the final destination of carefree living for retirees.

Over the next generation, Colorado and Minnesota will become the new safe-haven for those wishing to spend their Golden Years in comfort as Global Warming trends continue to suffocate and fry us.

No one will want to face the steaming oceans or the baking desert in the coming perpetual heat wave.

We will instead seek out the solace of the cold and the soothing of the snow in order to preserve our burning bodies and to calm our boiling minds.

In Celebration of Cold Weather

There is no greater fun — when it isn’t killing you — than living in cold weather. Cold weather brings snow, the chill of football in the air, and the crisp snap of impending holiday cheer.

Snowmen!


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Fear Factor and Fake Breasts

With the recent re-rising of my Boob Jobs article, I am ready to share with you a secret for betting on the success of competitors on NBC’s Fear Factor television show.Fear Factor Psycho House

100 percent of the time women with gigantic fake breasts are unable to successfully complete any cold water challenge. 100 percent of the time the reason they give for not being able to handle the cold water is “I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t catch my breath.”

The reason they couldn’t breathe in cold water is their body could not heat up all that fake boob gel fast enough and so the giant fake boobs become heavy ice-packs embedded under the skin while directly sitting on muscle and bone millimeters away from the lungs.

It’s hard to catch your breath — let alone swim under water — with 12 pounds of ice pressing into your chest!