With the recent re-rising of my Boob Jobs article, I am ready to share with you a secret for betting on the success of competitors on NBC’s Fear Factor television show.Fear Factor Psycho House

100 percent of the time women with gigantic fake breasts are unable to successfully complete any cold water challenge. 100 percent of the time the reason they give for not being able to handle the cold water is “I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t catch my breath.”

The reason they couldn’t breathe in cold water is their body could not heat up all that fake boob gel fast enough and so the giant fake boobs become heavy ice-packs embedded under the skin while directly sitting on muscle and bone millimeters away from the lungs.

It’s hard to catch your breath — let alone swim under water — with 12 pounds of ice pressing into your chest!

15 Comments

  1. Is it the size or the material? Are there ever women with large natural breasts that encounter the same problem? I couldnt find even a rough estimate of the specific heat/heat capacity of the hydrated silicone gels used in the implants, which we could use to prove the phenomena. I think the water content in the real v. synthetic breasts would be the deciding factor. Water has a relatively large specific heat and usually controls the specific heat when it is a substantial consituent of a material. I would guess that the implants have more water than the natural tissue, so once they are chilled by the cold water of the challenge they are very difficult to heat up again. Also, when the body is rapidly cooled, blood supply to the extremeties is reduced to conserve heat in the core. This would likely further retard the heating of the implants.
    This is all somewhat of a sweet irony, but maybe thats just me :)!

  2. Hey Jonathan —
    The smaller implanted contestants do not appear to have the same cold water problems.
    The gigantic, totally fake-looking boob jobs are those who fail 100% of the time in cold water events and they are in such pain they just tread water in the cold water – they cannot move or swim or dive down.
    Naturally large-breasted women do not have the same competitive disadvantage.
    It would be interesting to know the ratio between gigantic fake-boobed Fear Factor contestants who use saline or silicon in their implants — but I do not believe the material makes a difference because in the end all the gigantic fakes freeze their owners. I would think silicon would take longer to get cold than saline but silicone would then also retain the chill longer than saline, too. Remember the fake boob casing is also a silicon container that gets the colder faster than its contents.
    I agree the irony is sweet because the smaller breasted “natural” women always do better in the cold water events than their sisters of fakery.

  3. Yeah, I forgot about the casing. That likely retards heat transfer between the chest muscle and the implants. Saline implants probably have a thinner casing, but the large volume of water would still pose a thermodynamic problem for the contestants.

  4. Now the really smart future Gigantic Fake Boobed Fear Factor contestants reading this would find a way to place hand-warmers in their swimsuit top or heat the top with waterproofed wires and battery to break the cold water curse and win it all!

  5. I’ll have to watch the show to see if your hypothesis is correct. I wonder if enhanced women have problems swimming in normal conditions when the water is cool, i.e. a newly opened pool in late May.

  6. Heya Chris!
    Fear Factor is currently doing “Psycho House” Fear Factor and I don’t think there are many gigantic Fake-Boobed women on this ongoing run. It’s on tomorrow night, though, and that’s when we can see the bloody shower scene found at the top of this main post.
    The Gigantic Fake-Boobed women have an okay time in rivers and natural water areas where they are required to wear life preservers so some kind of insulating factor must be at play there. It is only in the specifically cold water tanks where the water has been made especially chilled for pain and provocation that they fail.
    It’s an interesting phenomenon because traditionally on Fear Factor, the bigger the Fake Boob, the better athlete the woman is because she is driven, aggressive, powerful and wants to always portray herself as a winner at any price. When they then cripple in cold water it is always surprising because it is so out of character for their performances earlier in the show.

  7. hey guys…i AM one of those big-busted, or ”gigantic fake boobed: women you so lovingly speak of. (stacey from psycho fear factor!) unfortunately, i did not make it to the ”cold water” stunts, so i can’t officially prove your theory. however, i am an athlete and my ”gigantic fake boobs” usually don’t slow me down. just thought you might like to know!

  8. Hi stacey —
    Welcome to the blog and if you are who you say you are — we have no way of knowing one way or the other — thanks for your fun comment and your fine sense of humor.
    We are willing to test our cold water theory against your fake books by dropping you in a vat of ice cold Coke Blak for a week and then seeing if you can hold your breath for nine minutes afterwards. If you’re interested, we’ll contact Joe Rogan immediately to get the boob rolling!
    :mrgreen: