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Oh, Noes! It’s Tim Tebow!

Oh, noes!  Tim Tebow is now a New York Jet and he is one of the worst examples of a self-righteous Christian I have ever seen playing a major sport and he’s taking center stage in my beloved Big Apple:

University of Florida football quarterback, and Heisman Trophy winner, Tim Tebow is the worst kind of Christian:  Self-promoting, crass, entitled, fragile, haughty, and invoking the sacred right of Crybabyism when God doesn’t answer his prayers.  During every football game, Tebow advertises his public love of God in quaint Bible verses printed on homemade eyeblack patches.  Each week his his mommy sends him a list of quotes to use.

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Rex Ryan is Finished as Coach of the New York Jets

Rex Ryan is the boisterous, flabby, manchild coach of the New York Jets football team, and he’s in trouble.  He isn’t in trouble for being loud-mouthed or a terrible coach — he’s clearly both of those things — rather, Rex is in trouble for prevaricating in public about the very public foot fetish he and his wife have shared on the internet.  You can have a buffoon for a head coach, but you can’t have a foot fetishist calling the plays from the sideline because everyone in the stadium will wonder if Rex Ryan smelled his wife’s feet before the game or not — and that kind of laughing condescension is bad for morale on a delicate, high-strung, team.

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Jimmy Johnson as Snake Oil Salesman

Yesterday, I was shocked to see a television commercial starring former Dallas Cowboys football coach Jimmy Johnson.  He was pitching a “male enhancement” product that I will not name — I have blurred the product title in this commentary — because I believe Jimmy is pitching a snake oil in sheep’s clothing lie.  Here’s visual proof of the established relationship between Jimmy and his member pimping.

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Nebraska Joins the Big Ten

The midlands are all a twitter over the impending news that the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is leaving the Big 12 athletic conference today to join the Big Ten.  Now, the clever thing about that move is that the Big Ten currently has eleven member schools in the conference — can you see the “11” hidden in the Big Ten logo below? — and by adding Nebraska, the Big Ten suddenly becomes the new Big 12!

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Tim Tebow: Non-Aborted Fetus, but Crybaby Christian

University of Florida football quarterback, and Heisman Trophy winner, Tim Tebow is the worst kind of Christian:  Self-promoting, crass, entitled, fragile, haughty, and invoking the sacred right of Crybabyism when God doesn’t answer his prayers.  During every football game, Tebow advertises his public love of God in quaint Bible verses printed on homemade eyeblack patches.  Each week his his mommy sends him a list of quotes to use.

Continue reading → Tim Tebow: Non-Aborted Fetus, but Crybaby Christian

Sport in Live Performance

Today’s modern sporting events reflect the most seductive part of live performance:  Creating Dramatic Tension — and the buildup to the annual Super Bowl celebration is one of the finest examples of spectacle in performance wrapped in football pads and held tight with crossed fingers.  The countdown clocks on NFL.com today directly inherit, and reflect, the innate sense of doom and pending explosion that so many modern dramas lack on the live stage.

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Ndamukong Suh and the $18,000 Cat

Ndamukong Suh — “Mr. Suh” to you and me — is a 6’4″, 300 pound, defensive tackle on the University of Nebraska football team and possible Heisman Trophy candidate. A couple of days ago, Mr. Suh crashed his 2003 Land Rover into two parked cars at 2:20am. 
He was not driving drunk.

Continue reading → Ndamukong Suh and the $18,000 Cat