Confessions of a Married Man

Loud Talkers, beware: We can hear you even if we want to tune you out!  I know many Loud Talkers want to be heard beyond the ears of those they are speaking with and that’s why I have no problem relating this overheard conversation between two middle-aged men sitting in a coffee shop.

One guy was telling the other how, in high school, he was the “horny guy” who was always on the prowl for some “fresh meat” even though he was overweight, ugly and sort of nerdy.  He never “got any” but he loved the hunt.

Looking at him today, I can report nothing has changed in the man in the 40 years since he moved his tassel from one side to the other during high school graduation.

The guy continued and said now that he’s older and miserably married and still fat and ugly, he is still drawn to young women.  Unlike his high school years, he can now offer women in their twenties money and support and stability as a “mentor” — and while he can find lots of women who want to be taken care of by him, he can’t find a young girl who wants to be with him just because he’s such a great guy.

His friend tried to calmly rationalize with the guy by telling him he needed to be careful — he was married — but if he divorced, he needed to be on the hunt for a woman with similar experiences and interests and, he added, “Young women are attracted to your money, not your smile.”

The fat guy contemplated the advice and then said, a little quieter this time, that he realized “young horny dudes” become “dirty old men” later in life just because of age.  “The sexual drive stays the same, but way people look at you changes.  You’re not allowed to be openly horny and sexual as an older married man.  Only young dudes can have raging hormones.  It’s Ageism, and it isn’t right.”

His friend nodded and he took the fat man’s hand in his and said, “Go home to your wife and stop pouring money on young women.  Sex is more than just age.  It’s about respect and appreciation.  You need to find satisfaction in other ways.”

The fat guy shook his head, withdrew his hand from his friend’s palm, and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

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