I have discovered a way to lose six pounds in three days. The process is simple, if painful, and I wouldn’t recommend it for the faint of teeth. I suffer from having a “meat trough.” If you don’t know what it means to have a meat trough, then color yourself lucky and move along!
A meat trough is a space between your molars where meat loves to wedge into when you eat. The only way to remove the meat — or anything else that gets stuck there because everything else gets stuck there — is to use a good floss like Glide to remove the intruder. I have gear-like teeth so when stuff gets stuck in my teeth, it REALLY gets stuck. Enter Life Chocolate Oat Crunch Cereal. Let the weight loss begin!
If you choose to eat Chocolate Life Cereal, you may well end up searching for toothache help — even in the desperate, historic, form of notorious liquid cocaine drops of antiquity because, as I said in my review of that awful cereal, there are “chocolate” bits that turn into stone-like pebbles when the milk (soy milk) hits them.
I remember crunching down on something hard while eating the cereal and feeling it in my meat trough area. I immediately excused myself and dumped the contents of my mouth into the toilet. I resurrected my grace and charm and re-joined the table.
Later that night, my meat trough felt full and so I dutifully took my Glide floss and began weaving and bobbing and plucking what was stuck. I tried again and again to pull out the offending officer but my Glide exploration was coming up empty. I decided I must have bitten down too hard on the stony “chocolate bits” in the cereal and it would take a few days to feel better. For the next three days I could not eat anything.
My teeth were aching.
Aleve did no good. Advil helped a bit. I brushed. I flossed. I still ached. I lost six pounds in three days. On the fourth day, I decided to do a little gums massage with my finger to see if that might alleviate some pain.
When I reached my meat trough area, I found a bulging deposit near my outer gum line that — when I gently massaged it — exploded in a waterfall of blood and pus! I immediately felt better. As I blotted away the blood and pus from my mouth I thought I should attend an appointment at the dentist because whatever was ailing me had moved from my meat trough to my gums and this pus and blood wasn’t a good indicator of friendly things to come. I rattled off to bed.
I awoke feeling good and alive. When I checked my gum explosion area from the night before, I was both horrified and pleased to find sitting in the eruption area — and not lodged at all — a sharp shard of unmelted, stony, Chocolate Life cereal. Somehow that cereal “chocolate bit” had wedged itself between my outer tooth along the gums line and sat there, embedded, causing fever and weight loss and my meat trough didn’t even come into play!
I guess my gums manipulation the night previous had persuaded the intruder to descend and, after the pus and blood were gone, the “chocolate stone” finally had room to wend its way downward where I could remove it without digestion. I’m happy to report I did not have to visit the dentist.
I have also sworn off Life Chocolate Oat Crunch Cereal not just because it tastes awful, but because it also proved a threat to my general well-being — though, I suppose one could argue a side benefit of the experience was the quick loss of six pounds — but I wouldn’t wish the pus and blood on anyone.