We need to talk about exposed penises and open vaginas and what happens when the two get together to strike up some heat!


We need to talk about condoms and birth control pills and sexual pleasure and passionate denials.
We need to talk about dental dams, HIV, safer sex, AIDS and Chlamydia
and other sexually transmitted diseases.
We need to talk about all these things with our children.

The current sexual education philosophy of our current national
leadership is not to preach blunt sex talk; but to rather push an
unrealistic an untenable policy: Abstinence-Only.

Abstinence-Only Sex Ed is a failure as witnessed by the new report revealing the rise in teens having babies since 1991.

WASHINGTON, Dec. 5 — The birth rate among teenagers 15 to
19 in the United States rose 3 percent in 2006, according to a report
issued Wednesday, the first such increase since 1991.
The finding surprised scholars and fueled a debate about whether the
Bush administration’s abstinence-only sexual education efforts are
working.

The federal government spends $176 million annually on such programs.
But a landmark study recently failed to demonstrate that they have any
effect on delaying sexual activity among teenagers, and some studies
suggest that they may actually increase pregnancy rates.

Abstinence-Only Sex Ed is doesn’t work because it relies too much on immature dual complicity and on the repression of natural human, sexual, desire.
Abstinence-Only is unrealistic in practice because young bodily urges
often win over a logical mind: Just one misbegotten “Yes” and
Abstinence-Only fails.

We need to teach our children responsible sexual behavior that explains
cause and effect without demonizing sex. Education need not lead to the
practice of expression.
We need to provide our children a way out of an instant mistake that can last for 18 years.

We need to support our children in every area of their lives — and that must include their necessary sexual expression — and our honoring of the hegemony of desire.

41 Comments

  1. Applauds.
    Children will always explore – be it the other side of the street – the park – drink drugs and sexuality.
    When our advertising hoardings are full of soft porn, our TV and videos are full of sexual innuendo and our soap operas and newspapers are full of sex – children and teenagers will follow that example.
    IGNORANCE can ruin their lives. By teaching sex education, condom and dental dam handling we could be saving those lives.
    Too many teenage lives are ruined by teenage pregnancy, HIV, Chlamydia, HPV and abortion.
    I have campaigned for better sex education for years – I taught my girls how to put condoms on a banana with their mouths ( best substitute I could find at the time) – my son got given condoms for his 16th birthday. He and my girls always carry them.
    I think we also need to change our priorities with our advertising about safe sex for teenagers over here – much along the same lines as we do for drink driving.
    We have adverts that speculate on the consequences – the car smash ones did not have the desired effect. What has made the youngsters think twice is the loss of licence , loss of job and implied poverty.
    They ought to devise one where condom use promotes happy ongoing relationship with the female and no use leads to pregnancy, childbirth – letters from the CSA (Child Support Agency) and 18 years worth of deductions from salary.
    Money seems to talk – or rather the lack of it does.

  2. If what my friends over here who have lived on the Eastern side of the state say is correct, a lot of the reason teenagers get pregnant (over there) is due to – ready for this? – having nothing else to do.
    Apparently having very dull cities leads to early procreation. It’s either that or watch a movie and I guess once you’ve seen all the movies playing, the bedroom makes for a fun twenty minutes or so – followed by a lifetime of another kind of fun. 🙂

  3. Right on, Nicola! Love that power-packed comment!
    Sexual exploration is the need to “find out” and when the church or the parents or the school say, “oh, don’t go THERE!” that is precisely where childhood wondering will go…
    Then what?
    We still have the puritanical ideal in the USA that the only reason you have sex is to create children and everything other than that is sin — and that cudgel needs to be removed from societal behavior. Open up the sex talk. Provide reasonable access to contraceptives WITHOUT REQUIRING PARENTAL CONSENT and let the self-discovery begin in peaceful protection.
    I love it you taught your girls with a banana and that your son was provided protection as well. I think all married men should be required to have condoms in their shirt pocket — just in case the urge to cheat is unbeatable — there will be a modicum of moral, rubber, protection nearby.
    We need to get over the idea of “original sin” and “sexual intercourse is dirty” or “naughty” and let the full blossom of the person be honored in society.
    You can’t “Just Say No” to drugs OR sex — and we need to quickly get with that reality.

  4. Gordon —
    Sex is seen as an entertainment by many young kids — and that’s okay! Just entertain with protection.
    We cannot demonize a process where blow-jobs today are as common on a first date as a peck on the cheek was a decade ago.

  5. His argument on the soda can idea was that where ever he went in the world – Cola was there before him – the evidence was there – or the thrown away empty cans were.
    This included places from The Sahara to Siberia.
    I am sure if it was men that got pregnant – societies attitudes would be very different altogether.

  6. Yes, soda cans are the way to go! I like the international scope of the plan and when you buy a soda and get a free condom in the exchange, you don’t have to worry about sexual shaming to get protected.
    You’re right that men get a much better deal on sexuality and health than women — prostate cancer received much more money and attention as soon as it was discovered than breast cancer ever did.

  7. But, but, but, then kids would know about SEX !! And that’s dirty !!
    The whole sex/guilt trip thing comes to us courtesy of religious authority. Pretty much any religious authority you care to mention. They’re not interested in reducing teenage pregnacnies or the incidence of STDs, in fact it would work in their favour if there was a statistical increase in these things as it would mean more people they could guilt into asking god (lower case ‘g’ intended!!) for forgiveness and mercy.
    Some god that requires that for a natural human act hey … !
    The other problem is the media. Children are inundated with sexual imagery from an early age. I am all for education and agree with everything you say, but I can’t help thinking that a little less sex shoved down the throats of pre-pubescent teens (and pre-teens even) in the form of films, dolls, magazines, toys (bratz anybody?) and general advertising could do with some serious toning down.
    Cheers
    Mike

  8. Mike!
    You’re right on all points and we’ve discussed these rather awful disconnects between morality and religion and mainstream entertainment here before — but nothing ever seems to get better! 😀
    I think religious sexual repression — blaming Eve for all sin in the Christian view — is a tacky, but effective, way of controlling the womb and, by extension, the population.
    We demonize and punish those who should not procreate because they are not “with us” or tithing to us, and we reward those who provide children for indoctrination in the name of God to perpetuate the church tithing machine.
    I agree mainstream entertainment is to blame for these sexual disconnects. The executives will argue it wouldn’t be on TV if no one watched.
    I contend you could have a “Suicide Channel” that would be incredibly popular as well as “Poop TV” where people dumped their bowels every day would also be a massive, if stinky, success.
    We need moderation in our entertainment. Bring back Playhouse 90 and the Kraft Theatre and live drama and make TV and the web and radio tools for teaching and learning instead of babysitting bored eyes.

  9. I’m not sure if sex and playing video games can be equated – both are entertaining, but I can only do one with all the women in my building. 🙂 Seriously, though – I would say that abstinence should certainly be included as an alternative as well as proper prophylactic care. 🙂

  10. Original sin is possibly the most evil concept ever invented, but then I’d expect nothing less from the RC church …
    Of course there will always be people who watch all ‘levels’ of entertainment. The current problem seems to be that the larger media corporations seem to provide lowest-common-denominator television. No doubt largely bacause it’s cheap to make – putting a dozen shallow yet attractive people in a single location and offering a monetary prize to the one who completes the most ridiculous task is much more cost effective than providing quality drama or informative programming.
    I sincerely hope there will be a reversal in this trend or our future will look like the film “Idiocy” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/ – a film which, incidentally, I can’t help feeling is half way to being a self-parody as it verges on the childish humour that seems to be all pervasive in holloywood these days).
    Please don’t even suggest things like “poop TV” just in case any TV execs are reading this blog … I’m not sure I could cope with that. I can imagine there are people who would actually pay the exorbitant phone rates to SMS or call their votes in for defecation of the week … (“Call the fecal phone now and register your vote, thats 1-800-TOP-POO followed by the number of the person you want to vote for”)

  11. Tina Fey, courtesy of her brilliant film “Mean Girls” said it best through the character of the coach / sex ed teacher.

    Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die. Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up. Just don’t do it, promise? OK, everybody take some rubbers.

  12. Mike —
    I agree dumb entertainment is easier to publish than something intellectual because doing a smart show requires smart people. I think it’s safe to say there are many more mediocre people out there than above-average folk…
    I bet there’s a “Daily Poo” blog out there somewhere that shows the daily dosage with a picture an a description of what’s contained therein. The TV version is the next, mindless, step! :mrgreen:

  13. That’s a great quote, Gordon!
    Doesn’t abstinence come naturally, though, to those who are disinterested in trying? For those kids who are active or curious, abstinence doesn’t even factor in getting the goods out of the gate — so why bother providing an option that will never realistically be considered?

  14. I don’t think that abstinence comes naturally – rather, I think people, especially ones whose hormones are rapidly changing, instinctively want to hump anything that moves. A lot of people also get the impression that they need to do it because everybody else is doing it as well.
    I think the real problem with abstinence education is that the mainstream media basically cancels it all out. The reason why teen pregnancy amongst Torah observant Jews is so low is because all the messages they receive – from the books they read to what they learn in school to what their parents tell them at home – is consistent.
    The message says marriage first, then sex. If your mother had you when she was a teenager and unmarried, you’re a lot more likely to have your children at that age and marital status as well.
    Whew. What a blabbermouth! 🙂

  15. That’s an interesting take, Gordon. I think people are naturally abstinent in that they wouldn’t act on their hormonal urges unless they were given media “role models” that encourage that exploration.
    I don’t think sex ed results in copulation. Just because you know something doesn’t mean you will act on it.
    Your example of religious dogma repressing natural human desire and exploration is interesting. How can abstinence come naturally when it is required by law?
    What is the Torah view of condoms? Don’t they block the natural flow of the seed?
    Is homosexuality approved under the Torah?
    Is BDSM a Torah-approved exploration of one’s sexual curiosity?

  16. That’s the rub, David. Without those media role models, the exploration does not seem as normal.
    A lot of things are required by law. Not starving yourself, for example – yet that comes pretty naturally.
    Condoms – for married Jewish men – are prohibited. I can’t speak to any other circumstances as the Torah was only given to the Jewish people. 🙂
    I can’t honestly say I know the Torah viewpoints on the latter two questions. I’m no scholar 🙂

  17. It’s so confusing because on one side sex is treated very delicately and fearfully, and then on the other hand sex is treated so common that the beauty in it deteriorates and it just becomes another ugly act of society. Sex should be embraced with care, like a special act instead of an ugly overused one.
    The way my parents treated the idea of sex made me fear it and so, when I started being interested in guys, I was lead by my curiousity. If my mom had talked to me about sex and not treated it so shyly, I might have been a little less interested and curious about it because I already knew. Then again…maybe not.

  18. The Torah forbids the homosexual act, known as mishkav zakhar, but has nothing to say about homosexuality as a state of being or a personal inclination

    I think that’s the one I have understood.
    As for BDSM every rabbi will tell you something different. It depends on who your own rabbi is and by whose opinion they go by.

  19. I think this blog is swinging a little to far to the “non-abstinence” side. While I do agree that safe sex should be taught, I think the the over reliance on condoms can be a problem. Condoms do protect against many diseases and protect against pregnancy when used properly, but they aren’t the silver bullet.
    I didn’t have sex until I was married, and while I don’t think this is the solution for everyone, I think it is possible, and a significant amount of people do it.
    I think promiscuity (defined as people who sleep around frequently as opposed to people in real relationships having sex) is likely to result in sexual diseases even if condoms are used, because the number of partners is so large. (There will be a lot less diseases with condoms than without though, of course.) I guess teenagers should be told of the seriousness of sex, and it should be stressed. You should be told the straight facts, and those will help kids make good decisions.

  20. “Necessary sexual expression”? I’m sure Dr. Freud would be thrilled to discovered what an impact his sexual obsessions have had on our culture. Just two points – there a multitude of things contributing to the rise of teen pregnancies in the 90s (values, cultural mores, media, etc…) other than abstinence-only sex ed. And, if I’m not mistaken there are many school districts using a variety of “safe-sex” educational methods. I seriously doubt if they have lower teen birth rates.

  21. Will be all too happy to give a guided tour – and put you into contact with Jewish BDSM groups. (Yes hey do exist).
    A couple of years ago I was offered a very large sum of money to set up and run a similar establishment to mine in Israel.

  22. http://www.kinkyjews.com is probably the largest and best know of the groups in the USA.
    Wrong offer at wrong time. I might have been tempted if I had no family or obligations here – as it was it was just totally impractical – as well as being a rather dangerous place to be carrying out a contentious occupation.

  23. I didn’t say “safe sex” educational methods result in higher pregnancy rates, only that I doubt they result in fewer births to teens. It doesn’t take a scholar to know that teens will do what they will do – safely or not safely – based more on what they learn in the hallways than in the classrooms.