Janna and I have been watching Big Brother 11 slowly recover from its infection of vile players — especially recently “expelled” Chima who wanted to have sex with a “terrorist” because she was bored before she falsely labeled him as such — and we have enjoyed the rise of “good-hearted” and the “non-schemers” into power. However, with power comes a closer examination, and current power couple Jeff and Jordan are already sounding relationship alarms even as they share the same bed.
Can Jeff-from-Chicago and Jordan-from-North-Carolina find love beyond the Big Brother House?
Sure, they’re a cute couple, and so far they’re watching out for each other, but there’s a 10-year age crevasse between the two that is becoming wider and more painful to witness — and the fact that Jeff went prematurely grey at 18 and Jordan, now at 22, comes off as an uneducated, inexperienced, backwoods, hillbilly who doesn’t know the world beyond the limited confines of her yearling life and her new breast implants — makes the match even more imperfect.
The most disturbing part of their relationship playing out on live television and 24/7 internet feeds, is how Jeff speaks to Jordan in short, one word, commands that come off more sharp and hurtful than kind and connective.
Janna told me to write down the following three words Jeff recently said to Jordan in colloquial, public, conversation, and share them with you as “things you never say to a woman” if you want to live a long and happy life with a woman:
I’m lucky I learned the consequences of those three words long ago — and survived to tell you about them — and Janna pointed out that, in 10 years, Jordan will have learned not to accept those sorts of one-word dog commands that require heeling and obedience.
“Jeff must not have dated much,” Janna observed, “Because at 31, you’d think he’d know better by now.”
So we continue to watch the Jeff and Jordan episodic romance rock and tremble across a three-month arc — and those of us who live better know they’re doomed beyond the Big Brother prison — but there are some still holding hope that they’ll find a way to connect and respect each other in the ordinariness of their private lives.
Oh, and here’s a bonus two-word “Never Say” phrase Janna wanted attached to this article at the last minute as she watched Jeff bark it at Jordan in that “I’m Kidding, But I’m Really Not” sort of way that charming men use to control beautiful women:
You’ve been warned.