Janna and I have been watching Big Brother 11 slowly recover from its infection of vile players — especially recently “expelled” Chima who wanted to have sex with a “terrorist” because she was bored before she falsely labeled him as such — and we have enjoyed the rise of “good-hearted” and the “non-schemers” into power.  However, with power comes a closer examination, and current power couple Jeff and Jordan are already sounding relationship alarms even as they share the same bed.


Can Jeff-from-Chicago and Jordan-from-North-Carolina find love beyond the Big Brother House? 

Probably not.

Sure, they’re a cute couple, and so far they’re watching out for each other, but there’s a 10-year age crevasse between the two that is becoming wider and more painful to witness — and the fact that Jeff went prematurely grey at 18 and Jordan, now at 22, comes off as an uneducated, inexperienced, backwoods, hillbilly who doesn’t know the world beyond the limited confines of her yearling life and her new breast implants — makes the match even more imperfect. 

The most disturbing part of their relationship playing out on live television and 24/7 internet feeds, is how Jeff speaks to Jordan in short, one word, commands that come off more sharp and hurtful than kind and connective. 

Janna told me to write down the following three words Jeff recently said to Jordan in colloquial, public, conversation, and share them with you as “things you never say to a woman” if you want to live a long and happy life with a woman:

“Stop!”

“No!”

“Don’t!”

I’m lucky I learned the consequences of those three words long ago — and survived to tell you about them — and Janna pointed out that, in 10 years, Jordan will have learned not to accept those sorts of one-word dog commands that require heeling and obedience.

“Jeff must not have dated much,” Janna observed, “Because at 31, you’d think he’d know better by now.”  

So we continue to watch the Jeff and Jordan episodic romance rock and tremble across a three-month arc — and those of us who live better know they’re doomed beyond the Big Brother prison — but there are some still holding hope that they’ll find a way to connect and respect each other in the ordinariness of their private lives.

Oh, and here’s a bonus two-word “Never Say” phrase Janna wanted attached to this article at the last minute as she watched Jeff bark it at Jordan in that “I’m Kidding, But I’m Really Not” sort of way that charming men use to control beautiful women:

“Be Quiet!”

You’ve been warned.

13 Comments

  1. Love it, Katha!
    That’s precisely the lesson Jordan must learn. Right now, she’s in “Little Girl Obedient” mode — even though she jokingly tries to “give it back” to Jeff, she is wholly unsuccessful except in that immature, screeching, way she shouts his name in times of disapproval.

  2. I think I talk to my dog & other animals in my yard better than what is being said between these two. I am just waiting for him to fall into that trap of trying to answer the question, “Does this make me look fat?” Yikes.

  3. Hi David,
    All those four one-word command sounds disrespectful – I do not watch the “Big Brother” show but whether it’s happening in a reality show or in real life – one should pay close attention…there is a gap somewhere…

  4. I love it you don’t talk to your animals like that. I don’t, either! Jeff needs the tempering of a good woman — but no real good woman would put up with that kind of talk — and so we know he’ll never really work out with Jordan.
    He is, however, kind about her 30 pound weight gain over the last two months. All she does is eat and sleep. Many of the women in the BB house gain a lot of weight while the men generally tend to work out. Jordan is incredibly sensitive about her weight and Jeff pretends not to notice her clothes no longer fit.
    Jeff is actually very good to her in general — people tend to think she’s using him more than the other way around — and last night he said their “relationship” was 90/10 with him doing most of the work. Perhaps he’s finally getting a clue he’s being played…
    Those of us who know… know you need to be in the 50/50 area to find happiness and success in any relationship.

  5. Thanks for the link David, I think I can watch it in any one of the channel if I know the right one –
    I still manage to watch a couple of favourite shows of mine – “So you think you can Dance”, “CSI – NY/ Miami”, “Judge Judy” etc.; but most the overseas show come up at an godforsaken hour which makes it difficult for me catch up.

  6. Hi Katha!
    You can watch most American television shows now via the internet. Do you have a fast enough connection for that? The CBS link I gave you lets you watch entire Big Brother episodes — I’m just curious if that streaming ability of content is available to you in India or not.

  7. Hi David,
    Yes, I can!
    I am using a newly launched wireless service where the usual speed is 3.1 mbps; download speed is slightly less but still pretty fast.