Bristol Palin Wins Dancing with the Stars!

Last night, Bristol Palin won Dancing the Stars in spite of her continual infantile and insipid Baby Waving.  No, Bristol didn’t actually take first place — the shilly-shallying Jennifer Gray took the top spot by begging for pity for her bad back; Kyle Massey was the True Winner because he improved his dancing from nothing — but I digress.  Like Ashley Rodriguez before her winning American Idol 9 without ever competing, Bristol Palin’s place in our national, historical, canon of joke contenders is safe and as unyielding as her spiteful mother.  Bristol Palin won Dancing With the Stars merely by surviving into the finals when she had no right to be there in the first place.

It was an utter farce watching Bristol Palin advance each week.  The judges — famous for scalding reviews and flaying comments — never touched Bristol with any sense of real criticism or honesty.  The judges were clearly appeasing her obvious ineptitude and her quitter mother who puts a Down Syndrome Baby in a Box.

I have no problem equating Bristol Palin with Sarah Palin because if it were not for her mother, and her mother’s political influence, Bristol never would have been on the show.

Bristol Palin was also the first contestant in the history of Dancing With the Stars to actually GAIN weight!  She got chunkier and fatter every week.  Her body mocked rehearsal reality.  Every other competitor on the show rips off weight because they work so hard learning the dances.

Not Bristol.  She just got flabbier and flabbier.  It was a strange and curious phenomenon to watch her get bigger with each episode because it didn’t make sense — but, then again — the normal rules of engagement and competition don’t seem to apply to the Palins, so we should not be surprised when lies become truth and when muscle becomes blubber after weeks and weeks of “dance rehearsal” and when terrible “dancing” is rewarded with a spot in the final three.

Vote Cheating or not — the plain fact that Bristol Palin was even on the show when she cannot dance and was never a star — befuddles the fact that keener people than she were thrown off the show each week before her, even though they were better dancers and bigger celebrities; and the lesson we all need to take away from Bristol Palin’s fanciful, facilitated, false, success is to no longer wonder about the why of it, but to rather loudly ask how we can make sure we never have a repeat of another such suspect Palin family “win” in the future.