Totems of Sorrow: The 14th Street Apple Store Street Memorial to Steve Jobs

Early Friday morning, David and I journeyed into Manhattan from our home in Jersey City to get our 24″ Apple Cinema Display repaired under our AppleCare warranty. The car service cost us $80 for a 20 minute ride that felt like we were on a bucking bronco, but made it we did.  We were so early for our 9:15am Genius Bar appointment that we had to wait outside the 14th Street Apple Store for it to open.

We took turns holding the heavy Cinema Display, and since it was the morning after Steve Jobs’ death, we were surprised to see the impromptu memorials to him from Apple fans that were plastered on the store windows and decorating the ground around the entrances.  I pulled out my broken, but still trusty, iPhone 3G — yes, we successfully ordered two Verizon iPhone 4s on Friday before we went to the store — and took a few pictures of the way people memorialized Steve Jobs.

There were lots of flowers and partially eaten apples.  Candles, too.  Some thank you cards were visible and lots of newspapers and handwritten thanks we piled up.  It was really touching.  Lots of people were taking pictures of these totems of sorrow.  The time for feeling sad was done.  Now was the time for others, like me, to record the heartbreak of what happened the night before.

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The New York Black Street Slang Exam

Welcome to the Go Inside New York Black Street Slang Exam!

Before the politically correct police bust us — brand us racist bigots — and toss us to the thought cops… let me explain why I’m posting this “Exam” here.

I’m posting it because I failed it. Everyone I know failed it. I am a woman from Council Bluffs, Iowa and my parents are Irish and German: You can’t get Whiter or more Wonder Bread than that! (Some of my friends tease me that you can’t get any more “Redneck” than that!)

This test is a fascinating lesson in the culture of a language and a language as a culture. Don’t think of this exam as a “test” think of it more as an “examination.”

Most agree that all cultures must better understand each other. That spirit of understanding is what will drive me here in this article. I’ll try to help shed some light on the varied aspects of as many cultures as I can possibly find to share with you.

The exam is not an assault upon New York. I’d love to post a Los Angeles version of this exam or a Redmond, Washington version or a Lincoln, Nebraska version if they exist! Let me know if you have any thoughts on the matter.

This exam originally appeared on The Howard Stern Radio Show and it was quite real and not a joke. I can’t stand Howard or his show, but I can’t let my personal feelings bother this issue.

Note This:
Since I’m Deaf, I found the transcript of the radio show on the internet and got the lowdown on what happened after my husband urged me to examine the test for cultural pings and language resonances. I’ve taught American Sign Language at New York University for seven years now, so language and how it operates is the business and purpose of my day.

Here’s the backgrounder: A female Puerto Rican prison guard called into the The Howard Stern Radio Show and created the test to check Robin Quiver’s “Blackness Quotient.”

Needless to say, Robin failed the test worst than Howard and the gang — and Robin was urged by the prison guard to “go out and buy a blond wig to go with her lily-white skin” even though Robin is Black! The exam was deemed “honest and true” by a Black intern who works on Howard’s staff. The intern only got 80% on the exam.

So, let’s begin! Let’s learn together! Let’s test your knowledge of New York Black Street Slang!

The New York
Black Street Slang Exam

- answers at the end of this page -

1. How do you say “Excuse Me” or “Pardon Me” or “Sorry!”?

2. If someone says “Ayyyy-Yooo!” to you on the street, what is your reply?

3. “I’m a snuff you” means…
A. I’m gonna punch you.
B. I’m gonna kill you.
C. I’m gonna leave you.
D. All of the above.

4. “She got a gas face” means…
A. She has light skin.
B. She’s very happy.
C. She’s giving you a dirty look.
D. None of the above.

5. “It’s the ball!” means what?

6. “Nine pound” means what?

7. What is a “Hoop-Dee”?

8. Name the following places in New York:
A. Up North
B. Strong Island
C. Boogie Down
D. The Hill
E. Sha-Lin

9. Does “Buttafuco” mean:
A. Faggy.
B. Cool.
C. Both.
D. Neither.

10. “Mom’s Dew” means what?

Answers…

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NOW!

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Janna's Extra-Easy Delightfully-Delicious Lasagne

[NOTE: To make this lasagne recipe Vegan or Strictly Vegetarian, simply replace the ground beef with portabella mushrooms and sliced colossal (really big!) black olives. Then make certain the noodles are egg-free (DeBoles is a good brand). Next, replace the all the cheeses with an Extra-Firm Tofu that has been thoroughly drained and then crushed with a fork. It's truly terrific, I promise! Enjoy! -- Janna]

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