If there is such as thing as the “Blogosphere” I discovered over the weekend it is imploding with the weight of bad intentions gone wrong. We have discussed the perils and predilections of Mommy Blogging in the past — but Baby Blogging — the worst possible aftereffect of The Mommy Bloggers, takes the entire idea of precious children on the internet, into a whole new sad level of self-importance. I read one blog “written” by a one-year-old baby using words like “dimorphic” and “ball sack” and “fistula.”
We also learned what was digested that day, how it came out in the end, and how many times Daddy was punched in the groin by baby’s precocious fist. I’m making it sound much more entertaining and funnier than it was because there were five entries per day for that kind of babbling diarrhea.
What is the point of Mommy writing a blog as if her Baby had written it?
The idea can’t be humor. It must be some sort of prospecting for genius in their offspring:
“My baby was blogging at nine months, what’s your excuse for an illiterate 11-month old?”
The problem will turn on the Mommy in 20 years as the child turns on the prospector.
“During my job interview today, my employer did a Google and found a blog I wrote when I was nine months old.”
“You were a very smart baby! You were the first Baby Blogger in history!”
“I could barely hold my head up at nine months old.”
“The ideas were all yours!” “But mom, I didn’t write it!” “The ideas were all yours! I just helped you write it down. And format it. And publish it on the web. And submit it to search engines. And create a logo. And find you hosting. And nominate you for 9Rules, Round 4: You were the only newborn in the 700 Club and this is how you thank me?!”
“This isn’t plagiarism. This is invention. Your fakery. You wrote something and put my name on it!” “Why are you so upset? Everyone knows a baby can’t write a blog! Babies need help getting online!”
“Yeah. Leave the baby in the crib and keep your children offline. You’re supposed to protect your children, not expose them online to strangers and to falsely prop them up to boost your Mommy ego.”
“Look, it was either you or the dog. Have you seen how many blogs there are out there written by mutts? You were special! You made history by having more blog entries in one day than you had diaper changes! So what if I held your hands over the keyboard to help you press down the keys in proper order? That’s how a mother loves a son!”