Our children are not our friends. We do not live to be liked by our children. Our children are our vested interest to protect. Our children must trust us. We know more. We are wiser. We are required to give up our lives so that our children can live theirs in safety, comfort and within the proper context of society. Parents are born to forbid their children and they must.
In the comments stream for my article — “Do the Helen Keller and Talk with Your Hips” — there was one commenter this morning who made an argument that deserves deeper investigation and discussion:
Really, I accept your reaction, but I do not think this video song has to be taken as a very sad and bad message and example to the young people.
Those who are parents must be aware of the music that their young children listen andenjoy with friends, but do not set an alarm forbidding, because then, all of you will get from them completely the opposite.
THEY ARE ATTRACTED FOR THE FORBIDDEN, we all know that, and I seriously think that the best is to TALK TO THEM, instead of forbide everything yo thing they are nor prepared to listen or misunderstood the meanning of a song that the only thing that wants to transmit is fun, erotic relationships, and people that is not very balanced and obssesed with affaires even having a couple…. It is not a ggo message, I agree, but do not be so alarmistic, please. And it is a 37 old woman who writes this answer… Thank you for your attention.
Here was my reply:
I appreciate your thoughtful message.
Here’s where I disagree with you with concern: Our society is based on laws and rules and values and forbidden things.
If we are scared of our children, and if we refuse to forbid them from doing harmful things, or participating in blatant cruelties — for their own good, because being safe and kind are important in an evolving, cogent, society — then we are intentionally damaging them and preventing them from becoming appropriately formed adults.
It is the parent’s job to teach and lead and reward and punish. For us to care that forbidding something creates the opposite intended effect is a failure of parenting and the success of an immature child testing the values boundaries of their parents.
We must be stronger and smarter than our children. We must fight to force them to do the right thing, to properly behave and, if we must, hurt their feelings while building their pride and self-esteem in the process. We may become unpopular in our demands, but through that strictness, dreams are found.
The job of a parent is thankless — and oftentimes feels cruel — but that cruelty factor is only a fleeting emotion when we look into the future and learn how an undisciplined and forbidden-free child behaves in and reacts as an adult in a condescending and regulating world.
Those non-verboten children struggle as adults against the will of nature and the forces of humankind because they will not negotiate, they do not understand reason, and they refuse to abide the greater wishes of the competent majority.
By never telling our children — “No.” — we are damaging them far beyond any boundaries test or willpower makeover could ever hope to supersede.