by Our children are not our friends. We do not live to be liked by our children. Our children are our vested interest to protect. Our children must trust us. We know more. We are wiser. We are required to give up our lives so that our children can live theirs in safety, comfort and within the proper context of society. Parents are born to forbid their children and they must.
In the comments stream for my article — “Do the Helen Keller and Talk with Your Hips” — there was one commenter this morning who made an argument that deserves deeper investigation and discussion:
Really, I accept your reaction, but I do not think this video song has to be taken as a very sad and bad message and example to the young people.
Those who are parents must be aware of the music that their young children listen andenjoy with friends, but do not set an alarm forbidding, because then, all of you will get from them completely the opposite.THEY ARE ATTRACTED FOR THE FORBIDDEN, we all know that, and I seriously think that the best is to TALK TO THEM, instead of forbide everything yo thing they are nor prepared to listen or misunderstood the meanning of a song that the only thing that wants to transmit is fun, erotic relationships, and people that is not very balanced and obssesed with affaires even having a couple…. It is not a ggo message, I agree, but do not be so alarmistic, please. And it is a 37 old woman who writes this answer… Thank you for your attention.
Here was my reply:
I appreciate your thoughtful message.
Here’s where I disagree with you with concern: Our society is based on laws and rules and values and forbidden things.
If we are scared of our children, and if we refuse to forbid them from doing harmful things, or participating in blatant cruelties — for their own good, because being safe and kind are important in an evolving, cogent, society — then we are intentionally damaging them and preventing them from becoming appropriately formed adults.
It is the parent’s job to teach and lead and reward and punish. For us to care that forbidding something creates the opposite intended effect is a failure of parenting and the success of an immature child testing the values boundaries of their parents.
We must be stronger and smarter than our children. We must fight to force them to do the right thing, to properly behave and, if we must, hurt their feelings while building their pride and self-esteem in the process. We may become unpopular in our demands, but through that strictness, dreams are found.
The job of a parent is thankless — and oftentimes feels cruel — but that cruelty factor is only a fleeting emotion when we look into the future and learn how an undisciplined and forbidden-free child behaves in and reacts as an adult in a condescending and regulating world.
Those non-verboten children struggle as adults against the will of nature and the forces of humankind because they will not negotiate, they do not understand reason, and they refuse to abide the greater wishes of the competent majority.
By never telling our children — “No.” — we are damaging them far beyond any boundaries test or willpower makeover could ever hope to supersede.
It’s easy to spot the parents who never tell their children ‘no’ – they are the ones whose children are climbing on escalators and performing acrobatics in ways that are inevitably dangerous to them — without telling them that they should stop.
Absolutely right — and if someone steps in to play the parenting role, the present, but absentee parent, becomes offended and self-righteous. It’s ridiculous and it is killing our society.
Go to any shopping mall, restaurant, any public place and I guarantee you that you will not only see but hear the children whose parents have never uttered the word “No” to their child. It’s really both scary and sad to see at the same time that we, as parents, are seemingly oblivious to the fact that our children do actually need some boundaries! And heaven forbid, should we intervene, perhaps to prevent another child from harming themselves (not our own child), then we are viewed as monsters, when the parents of the child, out of control, are they themselves errant in their nature to NOT correct their child. It is as if we are taking the entire scenario of political correctness to an entirely new extreme. And we expect, someday, for these non corrected, never heard the word “no” children to grow up into responsible adults who will indeed rule our world. Hmm. Scary to me! Whatever happened to setting some boundaries and giving them room to succeed and to fail, in order to learn?
Beautifully said, Jamie!
And it always seems that society punishes the good people and rewards the bad behavior — because the greater powers know the good people will get in line while the bad people, if corrected, will act out, scream, and throw a fit! So, they feel it is better to soothe and ameliorate instead of correcting and disciplining to make the greater whole better. That lack of willpower ends up hurting everyone.