Three weeks ago, ago I paid $200 to send off my spit to 23andMe for DNA analysis. I had no idea what to expect, but the results are pretty much as expected! No surprises. No dangers. I now have third-party confirmation that I am officially the Whitest White Man in All the World!

I am 100% European! I thought I was British and Czech — but it turns out I’m more French and German than British and Irish. The rest of me turns out to be pinches of other European bits.

The Wellness section is interesting, but not terribly deep.  The sensitivity to saturated fat was a kindly reminder to keep everything under control when it comes to cravings!  Caffeine? Yes, please!

When you first login to 23andMe to get your results, there’s a cautionary web banner offering genetic counseling advice in case you have questions or you need an explanation if you’re a “carrier” of a disease or not.  I don’t have any carrier issues.

On the third day after logging in, 23andMe invited me to connect with over 1,551 “DNA-related relatives” they had discovered on my behalf!  That was curious and odd! I’m much too shy to click on anyone to share with an anonymous stranger — related or not! — but the opportunity is there, ripening, waiting for the right moment to be united.

You may also share your results with friends who’ve been tested by 23andMe to see how you compare.  That’s a fun and interesting opportunity.

I was surprised 23andMe returned the results in three weeks!  I read online some customers were complaining about 12-16 week waits for results.

Unfortunately, the 23andMe website is super slow. It takes forever to load a page. More RAM caching, please!  It is also nigh impossible to print out your entire report in an easy-to-read format; even printing a single report is ill-formatted, tiny-fonted and completely ugly.  Now that was really the most shocking result of all!

23andMe can be a blessing or a curse. You are fortunate to get answers about who and what you are from a historical point of view — but 23andMe results can also sober you with carrier results for a variety of 36 ailments that may hinder your future by condemning both past and present.

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