Yesterday we provided a list of Top Ten Chick Cars and today, as promised, we provide the definitive list of Top 10 Dude Cars — and when we say “Dude Cars” we mean these are vehicles only men should drive and no self-respecting woman should be caught dead driving or even riding shotgun — because these cars have masculine edges, dull personalities and bleed XY chromosomes.


We accept all barbs of sexism and small thinking because one cannot create a list like this without drawing lines and going for the funny of the reality:

1. Dodge Magnum
2. Any White Van
3. Range Rover
4. Chrysler 300
5. Mercedes GL
6. Ford Expedition
7. Hummer
8. Any Buick
9. Volkswagen Passat
10. Pontiac Solstice
Tomorrow, we might just provide the Top Ten Intergender Cars of All Time!

25 Comments

  1. Hi David:
    Great couple of posts! But what’s your criteria for differentiating masculine versus feminine cars? I read a while back a review of the Toyota Solaris by Dan Neal at the Los Angeles Times (360 degrees views of the Solaris are available at the URL provided below). The theme of the review (couldn’t find it online) was how feminine the Solaris is. His criteria: primarily body styling and wheel placement/stance. Long, sloping, undulating lines, a generously curvaceous tail, with a front wheels set back into the frame implied a feminine vehicular architecture. Masculine vehicles had wheels with an wide-set anterior (a very forward stance), abrupt styling, plus a shorter tail end. He mentioned the Mini as possessing a classic masculine stance. I see, though, that you’ve got the Mini listed as the #1 chick car. To this day, I check to see if it’s a guy driving a Solaris when one passes by!
    http://www.toyota.com/vehicles/2007/camrysolara/key_features/ext360.html

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  2. Hey Donald!
    Oh, the Mini is absolutely the top Chick Car just as the Magnum is the top Dude Car.
    The Mini is tiny and small and cute and every woman I’ve met wants one and thinks they’re pretty. Cute and Pretty are a deadly combination and can never be manly because those descriptors lack any nuance of muscle or testosterone.
    You know a Dude Car when you see and feel and hear it rumble and roar. The Mini does neither.

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  3. Lol, in the UK, White Van Drivers are known as, well, White Van Drivers lol. This is because they’re a breed unknown to any other person, are a Law unto themselves and have a terrible reputation for driving like they own the roads.
    This reputation is well founded in the UK, not so much here in Canada, and I wouldn’t know about in the States because I’ve never visited. But in the UK, they will happily cut you up, and they will happily flip you the bird (middle finger) if you dare to protest by using your carhorn.
    For this reason alone, I detest any White Van that comes near us when we’re on the road lol. Oh boy, going home to visit my family is going to be such fun!

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  4. Dawn!
    How right you are! The White Van Syndrome must be International. If you see a White Van here in the USA you usually know the guy driving it doesn’t own it — it’s a company van – or, if he does own it he’s a self-employed contractor and is writing it off as a business expense… and you get out the way fast because they don’t care who or what they hit!
    😀
    White Van drivers are rude, and cruel, and the inside of their vans is always filthy and piled with stuff!

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  5. I totally totally agree! I remember in one of the Newspapers in the UK, not sure if it’s the Sun, they have a section called White Van Man, and they basically stop someone driving a White Van and ask them questions based on current affairs. Surprisingly, some of the drivers are able to give articulate intelligent answers, while others … well, maybe they should just stick to driving their White vans around.

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  6. I had a white SUV when I was in school.
    White is an excellent color for a car or truck because it doesn’t look dirty, even if it hasn’t been washed for a while.
    What do you think about women driving “bullet bikes?”
    I saw a woman on a Japanese bike at a stop light the other day.
    She had my full attention until, the light changed and she gunned it, speeding away into the distance leaving those of us in cars feeling like we were walking.
    There’s nothing sexier than a woman driving a “bullet bike!”

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  7. Hi Chris —
    I didn’t think about white being the best color for masking dirt. I thought silver was the best color for that kind of filth hiding? I know black is the worst.
    I’ve never seen a woman on the street on a “bullet bike” but it sounds pretty keen to me! Women on choppers always seem a little bit off to me but a bullet bike is an entirely different matter.

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  8. Women on choppers always scare me …
    There’s something about a woman on a Japanese bike that could hit 200 MPH in a couple of seconds that is thrilling.

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  9. Chris —
    I wonder if it is the required arms position for a woman on a chopper that makes us feel ill at ease. It’s as if she’s exposed in a dangerous way that could hurt her more than a man would get hurt if they fell or had a similar accident.

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  10. I think it’s all of the leather gear.
    I always get the feeling that a biker chick might want to slap me around just for the fun of it.
    Or, maybe her boyfriend for looking at “his woman.”

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  11. I cant believe u guys dont have the 06′ Mustang. Thats way more manly then a Magnum. Cmon 300 horses at a cheap price.U cant get that anywhere else. The pony car is the top dude car of all time
    BTW: u can get it turbo or supercharged which gets about 400 horses.

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  12. Hey David!
    I’m suprised you guys didn’t have more luxurious cars on your list, but I totally get the whole faze into muscle cars again thats going on. Having a boyfriend myself shows me that power, speed, and durability are really important to guys. Personally, I’m in love with the Avenger that was featured at he Paris car show recently, but my all time favourite car is the Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. Two people in my family own one and so does a guy living down the street from y boyfriend, I love riding in them becasue its almost like your not even driving, your floating.
    Actually, I’ve been in three of the cars you’ve listed (the soltice, the hummer, and the 300 ) and I quite enjoyed it.
    Now don’t think I’m going to contradict your “no girl would be caught dead” theory because that’s true for the majority of other girls, but when I grow up and get a car, trust me, all the boys will be coming to ME for a ride! But of course, shotgun is already taken by my hubby. thanks for having a place for us to comment!
    -annie

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