Janna and I learned a hard lesson yesterday: FTD Ruined Mother’s Day!
Incompetence has many feral fathers and its talent for boorishness is born in a variety of floral colors and indigent mothers — but when it comes to ruining Mother’s Day tomorrow — FTD barely edges out the DHL delivery service for the ultimate “I poop on you!” grand prize.
Janna and I ordered a lovely $60.00 USD bouquet for Janna’s mom in Iowa from the online flower powerhouse FTD — I’ll show you the flowers here virtually tomorrow since that’s the only way they’re ever going to be delivered anywhere — and we were incredibly disappointed to learn yesterday the flowers would not be delivered as promised.
The whole grotesque charade began with an email from FTD telling us the order had shipped via DHL and when we checked online yesterday morning the DHL delivery date was, indeed, May 11 before 3pm. 3:00pm arrived and died and the flowers were still not delivered. I called DHL and the woman on the other side of the phone told me her phone was ringing off the hook with FTD complaints.
She told me based on information only she could see — “Because we track packages in different ways than what we show you online because of Homeland Security requirements” — the FTD package never left FTD and would not be delivered. I asked her why the system was showing a Tracking Number?
Why did FTD send us email saying the flowers shipped? The DHL woman said her supervisors gave everyone working the phones “three pages of things to try to explain what FTD did because so many people are so angry at us and not them.” She went on to explain that FTD generates a shipping and tracking “Revenue Ticket” in the DHL system that then gets sent to customers when the order is placed, not actually complete.
“It’s like a placeholder, not a shipment. What you’re seeing is not a physical reality. You are only seeing a potential shipment from FTD.”
“So, I’ve been tracking a placeholder all day and not a bouquet of flowers?” “Exactly,” she said, “This is an ongoing FTD issue. Take it up with them. They’ll blame it on us at DHL. But I told you the truth even though we’re being recorded.” I thanked DHL and dialed FTD. The first call to FTD did not go through to a person — it ended up in a “call back later” plea and an auto-hangup — because FTD was overwhelmed with calls. Interesting. Instead of choosing Customer Service when I called back a second time, I chose the option to place a fresh order. That call, FTD answered with a live person named Sarah within 10 seconds.
Sure enough — just as DHL had predicted — Sarah at FTD told me the flowers were not delivered because of DHL. When I confronted Sarah with my copious notes from my DHL conversation on why FTD was to blame and not DHL — she ran quiet. I asked her to cancel the order and issue a refund. Sarah perked up and told me FTD doesn’t “do refunds until delivery is confirmed denied or late.”
I told her the DHL site clearly says delivery by 3:00pm on May 11 — that time is dead and gone — so I’m entitled to a cancellation and a refund. “No,” Sarah scolded me, “FTD doesn’t guarantee delivery times. The DHL site only says ‘in transit’ and that doesn’t mean anything other than it’s ‘in transition.'” “Well, DHL promised 3:00pm today, and I only know that because of the DHL Tracking Number FTD sent me last night — and FTD picked the carrier, not me — so you should tell DHL to change their online information because DHL told me the flowers will not be delivered today or Saturday or Sunday.
The flowers will sit in their warehouse until Monday when deliveries start again — if they were even shipped in the first place. I want to cancel the order and get our money back.” Sarah put me on hold to call DHL herself. She returned with news she could not get through to DHL. She told me to call back later. I asked to speak to a Supervisor just to place my DHL story on-the-record and to request a refund. Sarah told me she would be happy to give me a refund as soon as FTD could confirm the flowers were late or not delivered. I invited her to take a look at my order on the DHL website for confirmation. She placed me on hold for about 10 minutes and came back with the news her Supervisor had “been able to get through” to DHL and confirmed non-delivery.
Sarah agreed to cancel our order and refund our money with the caveat attached that the refund had to go through a “review process” to verify we, in fact, did not get the flowers delivered and that we really did, in fact, deserve a refund. I thanked Sarah and hung up. I was worn out. And so now we wait for a pending, perhaps, refund and for a “potential shipment” of flowers still stuck “in transition” in a perpetual DHL “never left the warehouse” re-delivery scheme in Iowa. The only thing we know without a doubt is that FTD Ruined Mother’s Day.