I am a Plumber Not a Painter

In one of my many lives, I am a Script Doctor — but I call myself a Script Professor because I think that editorial and writing process should be evolutionary and not surgical if you really want to provide an everlasting value for the money spent.

Lots of folks that come to me for script help want my care and attention for free or at a reduced price. 

I understand and accept that want to negotiate — but I am doing well and my Script Professor calendar is filled, so I don’t need to volunteer my services.

One non-negotiable part of my Script business is that I require 100% payment upfront because, for me to work with you for a flat fee, I need to know my time and effort will not be wasted if I don’t love what you wrote. 

Amateur authors always beg off the upfront fee.  They want to pay me when it’s over — never a good idea because they don’t pay or they only get back a rave review to ensure payment — or they want to pay me half now and half upon completion.

I prefer to use a house-building meme to explain why I require my money up front:  “I’m a plumber, not a painter.” 

If you’ve ever built a house from scratch, you know any plumber you hire is paid 100% up front because, if you don’t pay later, it’s impossible for the plumber to get back into your finished house to remove all the pipe work hidden inside the walls.

House painters, on the other hand, don’t mind getting paid in steps, or when the work is finished, because if you decide to not pay — it’s pretty easy for them to return to your house to find a way to “take back” their paint job.

The work I do as your Script Professor is a plumbing job.  The work is intricate, internal, hidden, and once I give you back my fixes and commentary and re-writes — there’s nothing holding you back from not paying me except your honor.

I prefer not to deal in honor or oaths or covenants when it comes to business and not friendship — that’s why I’m a plumber.  I fix your script up real good, but it’s going to cost you 100% up front.