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Bristol Palin Becomes Her Mother

Poor Bristol Palin.  She’s the keeper of her mother’s secrets.  She won Dancing with the Stars.  Now she’s morphing into her mother under the direction of a surgeon’s knife.  Can you believe the changes in her face?  She was once, bright, shining and full of hope, and now she’s been sliced and diced to mirror her mother.  What a sad circumstance for the formerly pregnant teen — now paid anti-pregnancy teen spokesmodel — who suckled over $262,000.00USD from the Candies foundation alone in 2009.

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Bin Laden Swims with the Fishes

Osama Bin Laden is finally dead and swimming with the fishes thanks to the dedicated effort of our Commander-in-Chief and our national intelligence agencies and our troops on the ground.  After 19 months of dedicated tracking, patience paid off, and the man who came after us in New York City is now dead.  Mission Now Accomplished — unlike the baldfaced lie told to us by a previous president who chose to hunt down Saddam Hussein and kill him for 9/11 instead of Bin Laden.

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There Will Be Blood Libel: Ten Sentence Story #110

Gunshots ring across the city square.

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Sarah Palin at the Core of Crosshairs

The unraveling of the attempted assassination of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in Arizona over the weekend warns us against inciting the threat of metaphorical violence in politics to achieve literal ends.  Sarah “Don’t Retreat, Reload” Palin placed herself in the center of the assassin’s intention with her despicable — and clearly terroristic — weaponized “map” of targeted Democrats, that included Gabby Giffords, placed in gun scope crosshairs on her Facebook page.  In the wake of the shooting, the map has been removed.

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Bristol Palin Wins Dancing with the Stars!

Last night, Bristol Palin won Dancing the Stars in spite of her continual infantile and insipid Baby Waving.  No, Bristol didn’t actually take first place — the shilly-shallying Jennifer Gray took the top spot by begging for pity for her bad back; Kyle Massey was the True Winner because he improved his dancing from nothing — but I digress.  Like Ashley Rodriguez before her winning American Idol 9 without ever competing, Bristol Palin’s place in our national, historical, canon of joke contenders is safe and as unyielding as her spiteful mother.  Bristol Palin won Dancing With the Stars merely by surviving into the finals when she had no right to be there in the first place.

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